I had a ball writing these ones. Hope you enjoy.
Don Juan and the Shallots
Lucy makes the mistake of serving a meal containing shallots the night before Ricky shoots an important close-up, completely forgetting about his onion allergy. Unfortunately for Ricky, she threw in so many that he's soon experiencing every symptom in the book. With his face covered in hives and lips swollen bigger than Marilyn Monroe's, Ricky hardly looks like the living end come morning, and it's up to Lucy and Ethel at the makeup table to make him appear presentable. They do a respectable job, and the camera lens at least doesn't crack when focused on him. Unfortunately, midway through a take the internal symptoms kick in, causing the five starlets to head screaming for Holmby Hills at the speed of light.
Ricky's Movie Coffer
Crafty as always, Lucy sneaks her leftover shallot recipe onto the craft services table, proceeds to throw a huge fit at Dore Schary for allowing MGM to serve Ricky something he was allergic to, and presents him with several demands. Fearing a potential lawsuit, Schary agrees to a hefty payout and allows Ricky time off to recover, thus setting the Ricardos up financially for some time. (He doesn't, however, acquiesce to Lucy's other demand that he grant her a 3-picture deal.)
Ethel's Lone Gown
Ethel's in a pickle when her one dress gets ruined by the cleaners the day before Ricky's big Hollywood premiere. She and Lucy then sneak into the MGM wardrobe department to find the perfect replacement, with Ethel having her heart set on Vivien Leigh's green curtain dress. When Ethel can't cram her bustle into it, Lucy improvises, resulting in Ethel wearing a pair of actual curtains (complete with rod) to the premiere instead. Ethel's unique red carpet look makes Don Juan costume designer Bob Mackie vow to one day replicate it in a comedy sketch. Concurrently, Lucy tries on the ruby slippers and can't get them off after her feet swell up, forcing Ricky to come to her defense after she gets accosted by security - "The only thing red about her is her hair!"
Don Juan is Slammed
Ricky regrets Metro deciding not to shelve Don Juan after all when the film is panned by critics and audiences alike. Most reviews specifically target Ricky's accent as being indecipherable, resulting in Lucy imploring Metro to hire Mr. Livermore as dialect coach for his next picture. Livermore agrees on the proviso that he get to sing his "Tippy Tippy Toe" song. After screen-testing Livermore, Metro decides Ricky's not worth it, and recast with Xavier Valdez for Don Juan II: Electric Boogaloo.
In Guam Springs
Lucy and Ethel accidentally board the wrong plane en route to Palm Springs and wind up in Guam instead. Far from rainfall and their husbands, and surrounded by sunshine and hunks, the girls really cut loose, causing Ricky and Fred to wonder if they'll ever see their wives again. The bathing suit boys lose interest, however, when they spot Lucy and Ethel sans girdles, causing the gals to reconsider the merits of their former lives.
The Christmas Horror Show
Lucy seeks the services of a feesakeeatrist (Hal March) to help her cope with longstanding nightmares about the vanishing Santa Claus she and the gang encountered years ago. Unfortunately for her, this particular practitioner is an unscrupulous Hollywood wannabe who steals his patients' stories for script ideas. A few months after their first session, Lucy is mortified to see a poster for an upcoming B-horror film, Santa Slays the Redhead! After threatening to sue, Lucy is granted story credit, but the film's negative reviews only ensure that not even Milt Josefsberg would ever hire her.
Lucy Learns to Dive
Still pining for a Hollywood career after her story writing failure, Lucy invests in comprehensive swimming lessons in the hopes of becoming Esther Williams' stunt double. Unfortunately, Hedda Hopper spots her in the pool, and soon the papers are full of stories about Lucy's dubious water ballet talents. Mrs. McGillicuddy seeks revenge on her "friend's" actions by kicking her semi-cute granddaughter off the Redbluff merry-go-round so Little Ricky can utilize his free pass.
Ricky's Queen Test
Hoping to expand his versatility, MGM considers Ricky for the lead in their Don Loper biopic, and hires a pair of eccentric acting coaches (Paul Lynde and Gale Gordon) to help accentuate Ricky's fussiness and bitchiness. The lessons work too well, and soon Ricky becomes the cattiest queen imaginable on and off-screen, rolling his eyes at the mere mention of Mrs. Richard Carlson and finally giving him a suitable demeanour to face off against Mrs. McGillicuddy. But he's no match for the real Don Loper, who, unimaginably insulted, retaliates by demanding $500 for Lucy's fashion show dress. ("I expect payment by nooooon!")
Lucy's wish finally comes true when her sterling performance with Van Johnson is witnessed by prominent choreographers Jack Faker and Anita Fello (Jay Novello and Imogene Coca), who decide to make her into Hollywood's next dancing sensation. Unfortunately, they and venomous fishwife Herbert Menwith (Lou Krugman), the director of Waltzing Petunias, soon learn the hard way that Lucy's move set is very limited, and certainly not enough for her to handle the elaborately choreographed picture. After one disastrous rehearsal, Menwith blows his stack at Lucy and threatens to fire her for failing to perform to his satisfaction. Lucy breaks down in tears and flees to her dressing room, but calms down after a pep-talk with Ricky and the wardrobe woman (Vanda Barra). After Menwith cools down as well, he realises both he and the technicolor cameras are absolutely in love with Lucy's fiery red hair. Determined to still use her, he ultimately settles for filming her face only in close ups, with a bewigged Ann Miller serving as body double for the wide shots (resulting in the film being renamed Tap Dancing Petunias).
The Dancing Czar
Burgeoning starlet Lucy feels threatened by powerhouse Ann Miller, who makes no secret of her displeasure that she's the dance double for a nobody. Miller is soon making overtures to the director to ditch Lucy and make her the star. Determined not to let Ann win, Lucy flies in Madame LeMond to assist Jack and Anita in turning her into the next best thing to Cyd Charisse. Everyone is blown away by Lucy's terpsichorean skills the following week, and it becomes clear that Ann's services are no longer required. Defeated, Miller quits showbusiness and takes a job at the Piggly Wiggly.
The Star Upsets
Lucy's movie proves to be a far bigger smash than Ricky's, earning rave reviews and enormous box office receipts. It isn't long before fame goes to Lucy's head, and soon she considers Ricky and the Mertzes beneath her attention. Moving out of their "crummy dump" of a room and into Cornel Wilde's former penthouse, Lucy can soon give Tallulah Bankhead a run for her money in the diva department. Furious, Ricky and the Mertzes conspire to teach her a lesson by becoming "anonymous sources" to Hedda Hopper, who's column is soon filled with damning copy about "The Red Rehead!" A chastened Lucy must come back to earth to clear her name before Joseph McCarthy (Jack Webb) and the HUAC. After being acquitted, Lucy promises to behave herself, but aligns with Louella Parsons for future press coverage.
The Fashion Dough
When one of Lucy's costumes from Tap Dancing Petunias fetches a high price at a charity auction, Fred sees dollar signs and is soon attempting to sell every article of clothing Lucy owns. Outfits such as the starch vat dress, and an ensemble she wore during a health tonic commercial that subsequently went viral, collect scads of money, and soon Fred is rolling in it. The jig is up when Lucy and Ricky catch wind of the scheme and demand repayment for selling her belongings without permission. Fred is forced to pick oranges out in Pomona to help repay the debt, while Lucy is thrilled to go on a shopping spree for a whole new wardrobe (this time, she isn't kidding when telling Ricky she hasn't got a thing to wear).
Fred and Ethel make a big impression with their bit parts in their vaudeville friend's picture, and are soon offered their own television series by a producer (Phil Ober) hoping to capitalize on their amazing chemistry. Fred is thrilled by the idea, but Ethel less so, as she can't stand the idea of not only having to live with the old poop but work with him every day as well. Ethel ultimately relents after getting Lucy to once again play agent, who lays down the law with a series of strict contractual demands: no scenes in bed together, co-star billing, a glamorous wardrobe, equal pay to Fred, and several hiatuses per year to recuperate in New York. I Heart Honeybunch proves to be a hit, but Ethel leaves after three seasons to settle down in Connecticut with her dashing new beau: 22-year-old cat food salesman John R. Dodds (Rhodes Reason). The retooled show, Fred Sings the Old Ones, doesn't fare so well without his charming child bride of 1934, causing Fred to throw in the towel and become full-time housekeeper for a single father and his three sons.
New York, Here We Come
The gang leaves Hollywood behind in Ricky's Pontiac, deciding to drive home for one simple reason: to visit "all of the places everyone wanted to see" that they somehow forgot to visit on the way out! Naturally, everything that can go wrong does: Ethel gets lost in the Carlsbad Caverns, Lucy gets stranded while climbing the Ozarks, Fred regrets going to Salt Lake City after being accosted by missionaries, while Ricky loses his elevated shoes to an alligator in New Orleans. They're so defeated by the time they reach Ohio, they greet Mr. Skinner and the One Oak cabin with open arms.