Mot Morenzi Posted July 1, 2013 Report Share Posted July 1, 2013 A while back I saw a thread somewhere that featured guests contributing mock "gag" headlines for news articles about Desperate Housewives. I believe one of them went: "Denton Faces Class Action Lawsuit From Bored Fans Who Want Their Time Back". In any event, I got a real kick out of them and thought maybe we could come up with a few newsworthy joke stories about Lucy and company. Obviously everything said here will be in fun and is not meant to be taken seriously or as insults. "I Love Loosey: Andes, Windom share details of Ball's flirtatious nature on set" " 'Lucy' propman recovering from Joan Crawford inflicted wire-hanger wounds" "Lucy Show soundstage flooded due to overflowing toilet; Blondell investigated" "Desperately Seeking Fred: Unemployed Vance begs Frawley to resurrect Fred & Ethel in new show" "Morton Developing TLS Spinoff for Himself; Gould approached to co-star" "Dick Martin's return for TLS finale cancelled due to audiences not remembering who his character was" "My Three Spinoffs: Ball to produce 3 new pilots for Garrett, Hart and Moore in apology for dumping them from her show" "Here's Lucy, Mother's-in-Law crossover cancelled; Carmel quits in protest" "Burton, Taylor episode to be reshot after cameraman accidentally loads camera with black & white film; everyone enraged at having to spend another week together" "Lost 7th Season Here's Lucy scripts discovered; all would have showcased Prohaska's gorilla act" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C L A U D E Posted July 1, 2013 Report Share Posted July 1, 2013 A while back I saw a thread somewhere that featured guests contributing mock "gag" headlines for news articles about Desperate Housewives. I believe one of them went: "Denton Faces Class Action Lawsuit From Bored Fans Who Want Their Time Back". In any event, I got a real kick out of them and thought maybe we could come up with a few newsworthy joke stories about Lucy and company. Obviously everything said here will be in fun and is not meant to be taken seriously or as insults. "I Love Loosey: Andes, Windom share details of Ball's flirtatious nature on set" " 'Lucy' propman recovering from Joan Crawford inflicted wire-hanger wounds" "Lucy Show soundstage flooded due to overflowing toilet; Blondell investigated" "Desperately Seeking Fred: Unemployed Vance begs Frawley to resurrect Fred & Ethel in new show" "Morton Developing TLS Spinoff for Himself; Gould approached to co-star" "Dick Martin's return for TLS finale cancelled due to audiences not remembering who his character was" "My Three Spinoffs: Ball to produce 3 new pilots for Garrett, Hart and Moore in apology for dumping them from her show" "Here's Lucy, Mother's-in-Law crossover cancelled; Carmel quits in protest" "Burton, Taylor episode to be reshot after cameraman accidentally loads camera with black & white film; everyone enraged at having to spend another week together" "Lost 7th Season Here's Lucy scripts discovered; all would have showcased Prohaska's gorilla act" Some of those are just H I L A R I O U S ! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted July 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 "Lucy's Italian Sequel: Tirelli wants Ball to appear in grape-fighting rematch" "Vance, Frawley commentary track scrapped from 'Lucy' DVD due to profanity laced insults" "New 'Lucy' biopic draws fans ire due to Ricardo apartment being 1/8th of an inch off scale" "Irma Mooney, Maris Crane to feature in new series showcasing famous unseen characters" "Sid Gould outtakes reel from 'Here's Lucy' sells for $0.34 on eBay" "Fans demand syndicated 'Lucy' episodes get DVD release, claim network originals 'too long' for today's busy viewers" "Gene Kelly unavailable for 'Lucy' guest spot; Phil Ober signed to play him instead" "Little Ricky to get spinoff in response to 'Tabitha' debut" "Ball, Arnaz publicly chastize Frawley over 9 cent donation to the March of Dimes" "CBS to rebroadcast 'Lucy & Carol Burnett' - Fans start poll to guess which one" "TV reboot craze leads to speculation of new Kim & Craig Carter show; Lucie, Desi Jr. in negotiations" "Ruta Lee to reprise Audrey Fields character on Devious Maids" "Fidelman expanding 'The Lucy Book' with additional Bob O'Brien criticisms" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 My god! These are all hysterically funny. "New 'Lucy' biopic draws fans ire due to Ricardo apartment being 1/8th of an inch off scale" "Sid Gould outtakes reel from 'Here's Lucy' sells for $0.34 on eBay" "Fans demand syndicated 'Lucy' episodes get DVD release, claim network originals 'too long' for today's busy viewers" "Gene Kelly unavailable for 'Lucy' guest spot; Phil Ober signed to play him instead" "Ball, Arnaz publicly chastize Frawley over 9 cent donation to the March of Dimes" "CBS to rebroadcast 'Lucy & Carol Burnett' - Fans start poll to guess which one" These, in particular, killed me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C L A U D E Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 "Lucy's Italian Sequel: Tirelli wants Ball to appear in grape-fighting rematch" "Vance, Frawley commentary track scrapped from 'Lucy' DVD due to profanity laced insults" "New 'Lucy' biopic draws fans ire due to Ricardo apartment being 1/8th of an inch off scale" "Irma Mooney, Maris Crane to feature in new series showcasing famous unseen characters" "Sid Gould outtakes reel from 'Here's Lucy' sells for $0.34 on eBay" "Fans demand syndicated 'Lucy' episodes get DVD release, claim network originals 'too long' for today's busy viewers" "Gene Kelly unavailable for 'Lucy' guest spot; Phil Ober signed to play him instead" "Little Ricky to get spinoff in response to 'Tabitha' debut" "Desilu sues Duff, Lupino for subpar performances in 'Vacation' episode" "Ball, Arnaz publicly chastize Frawley over 9 cent donation to the March of Dimes" "CBS to rebroadcast 'Lucy & Carol Burnett' - Fans start poll to guess which one" "TV reboot craze leads to speculation of new Kim & Craig Carter show; Lucie, Desi Jr. in negotiations" "Ruta Lee to reprise Audrey Fields character on Devious Maids" "Fidelman expanding 'The Lucy Book' with additional Bob O'Brien criticisms" Sid's estate made a killing, didn't think it would get more than two cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyilove Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Supressed Stories From the Files of The National Enquirer!! The Secret Gale Gordon Blackmailed Lucy with to Gain 20 Years Employment! Revealed! Lucy's Secret Plot to Thwart Her Daughter's Career! Mary Wickes Tells Pals - "I'm No Lesbian But I'm Not So Sure About Lucy!" The Secret Lucy Hid From Desi!!! Desi Jr was a Girl!! Vivian Vance, Why She was Paid to Go Away!! Lucie Confesses: I Hate My Dad Too But Mom Gets Me More Press! Genealogists Confirm: Desi was Actually from Sweden!! Unnamed Family Friend's Stunning Claim! Lucy Never Played with her Kids!! Why Ann Sothern Quit! Desilu is Stingy with the Craft Services!! Gary Morton Brags: "I Don't Love Lucy But that Broad is Loaded!!!" Elizabeth Patterson Fired From I Love Lucy!! Tells Ms. Ball To Go F Herself!!" Lucie Arnaz Devastated as Female Impersonator Boyfriend Steals Her Best Gowns!! Patty Duke Reveals!! Desi Sr is The Father of My Next Baby!! Census Records Shock!! Lucille Ball Actually Born in 1891!!! Gossips Wonder!! How Come Childless Lucille Ball Suddenly Gets Pregnant After Working With Playboy William Frawley!! Mary Jane Croft Cries! Cruel Lucille Ball Won't Use Me on Life With Lucy!! Eve Arden - I'll Say Yes to Desi!! Kaye Ballard Already Has and Brags About It!! Lucy Angry Her Topless Debut in Mame Cut By Studio Executives!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeySanJoaquin Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Supressed Stories From the Files of The National Enquirer!! Mary Wickes Tells Pals - "I'm No Lesbian But I'm Not So Sure About Lucy!" Genealogists Confirm: Desi was Actually from Sweden!! Why Ann Sothern Quit! Desilu is Stingy with the Craft Services!! Gary Morton Brags: "I Don't Love Lucy But that Broad is Loaded!!!" Lucie Arnaz Devastated as Female Impersonator Boyfriend Steals Her Best Gowns!! Gossips Wonder!! How Come Childless Lucille Ball Suddenly Gets Pregnant After Working With Playboy William Frawley!! Eve Arden - I'll Say Yes to Desi!! Kaye Ballard Already Has and Brags About It!! :marionstrong: PRICELESS!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted July 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 FANTASTIC POST! You took the idea and ran with it. Hats off to Lucyilove! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted July 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Lucy Angry Her Topless Debut in Mame Cut By Studio Executives!!! This one brings a particularly amusing image to mind: Lucy whipping her blouse open in front of a crowd of people while bellowing "OPEN A NEW WINDOW!" :marionstrong: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyilove Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Ripped from the Headlines of THE GLOBE: CBS Demands Gale Gordon Change Name To More Masculine Sounding Moniker!! Exasperated Desi Jr Tells Lucy - Stop Calling Me Keith!! Lucy Character to Become Pregnant in Last Ditch Effort to Improve Life With Lucy Ratings!! Lucy Looks on in Horror as Backgammon Tournment at Home Breaks Out into Gay Sex Orgy!! Crisis on Green Acres set as Guest Star Ann Sothern Barbecues and Devours Major Cast Member!! Nightmare For Lucy as She Awakes After Las Vegas Bender Married to Unknown Comic!! "I Thought You Were Joey Bishop!" She Cries!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted July 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 "Vance fired from 'Lucy Show' due to weight gain. 'Ethel was fat, Viv is thin!' exclaims irate Ball" "Ricky's tirades bleeped on Hallmark due to perceived Spanish profanity by unenlightened viewers" "Frank Nelson debuts 567th original character on a 'Lucy' program" "Burnett drops out of racy 'Here's Lucy' episode; script showcased her and Ball as janitors in adult video store" "Garrett Morris cut from 'Lucy' episode for yelling all his lines" "All About Eve: Ball convinced Arden is trying to have 'Our Miss Brooks' usurp 'I Love Lucy's' time slot" "Vance back in therapy after filming sex scene with Frawley" "Groucho cuts ties with Harpo after not being chosen for 'Lucy' guest spot; Chico indifferent" "Juicy Lucy: Ball still has grape juice stuck in ear weeks after filming wine vat scene" "Benadaret, Horton decline spinoff offer; Crenna, Waldo approached instead" "Inebriated Frawley urinates in prop Vitametavegamin bottle; disgusted Ball carries on with scene anyway!" "Filming of 'Job Switching' episode postponed due to stolen chocolates; Vance summoned for questioning" "Franistan discovered to be real country; Desilu faces defamation lawsuit" "Ball faked second pregnancy for publicity stunt, claim inside sources; Little Ricky nothing more than a pillow!" "Ball orders 'The Mother's-in-Law' canceled due to Ballard's voice carrying over onto 'Here's Lucy' soundstage" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Ruth McDevitt dies at 80. ‘Was it murder?’ asks director Kenwith Kenwith: McDevitt bludgeoned by yo-yo. Red hair found at scene Ball vs. Benny: TV’s Lucy withholds seat from Jack Benny. Says, ‘Sit on THIS!’ NYPD crack case of Monday night power outages at Goldaper house Morton mother hostage crisis: Kidnappers demand secret to red and black hair Cooking with the Stars: TV’s Lucy shares recipe for chicken livers Former nanny sues Ball after last name used in TV disaster But, darling, I’m your Auntie Maim: Lansbury injured after chaining self to Radio City ahead of Mame preme Virginia Mayo confesses: I was Edie Adams’ hairdresser Ball-Burton Drama: “She yanked my pipe,” says Dick. Pierce questioned after walk-on role in Zapruder film Singleton gets Hostess endorsement deal: “I DO care about Mrs. Bunker’s Twinkies!” Thai King breaks into home, kidnaps Ball to Bangkok mistaking her for Deborah Kerr 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desiluforever Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 These are hysterical Amazing idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desiluforever Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 I'll give it a shot... "'Wildcat' Revival... Starring Vanda Barra and Sid Gould!" "Frawley Fired After Drunken Rant, Morton Takes Place" "Magic Carpet Remake is Shelved... It's Hopeless. " "Wizard of Oz spinoff on I Love Lucy... Frawley to play Toto." "'King Cat' Walsh Fired After Substance Abuse" "Lucy & Gary's Lost Sex Tape Found... Entitled 'Gary's Goldaper'" "Merman vs. Schmidlap.. The Brawl to Settle it All" "Lost Lucy Special Found... "Lucy, The Drug Smuggler"' "Lucie Arnaz Sells Stuffed Tinkerbells at Auction" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 I'll give it a shot... "'Wildcat' Revival... Starring Vanda Barra and Sid Gould!" "Frawley Fired After Drunken Rant, Morton Takes Place" "Magic Carpet Remake is Shelved... It's Hopeless. " "Wizard of Oz spinoff on I Love Lucy... Frawley to play Toto." "'King Cat' Walsh Fired After Substance Abuse" "Lucy & Gary's Lost Sex Tape Found... Entitled 'Gary's Goldaper'" "Merman vs. Schmidlap.. The Brawl to Settle it All" "Lost Lucy Special Found... "Lucy, The Drug Smuggler"' "Lucie Arnaz Sells Stuffed Tinkerbells at Auction" NOOOOOO! Gary's "Goldaper." Just wrong! Sick and wrong! LMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted July 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Great contributions, everyone! "Morton fires Sothern over Holocaust joke" "Carole Cook unavailable to dub Ball for upcoming season; Selma Diamond signed instead" "Bette Davis fired after mocking Lucy apartment set: 'What a DUMP'!" "Patty Duke Show a hit; Singleton in talks to guest star as both Lillian, Carolyn Appleby" "Liz Taylor biopic a disaster for Lohan; hopes Vivian Vance film will prove more successful" "Hilda Josefsberg's lost story ideas to be published" "Vance revives Ethel in one-woman show at La Jolla Playhouse" "Ralph Hart Exclusive: Lucie Arnaz FORCED me under those bleachers!" "Ball's stolen trashcans turn up at auction; family wants them back!" "Life With Lucy ratings slump; Mary Jane Croft to join as Lucy's love interest?" "Kathryn Card pitches 'Mickey' song idea to Toni Basil" "This week on Springer: Tyrranical redheads and the employees they abuse!" "Legend Films fired from 'Lucy' colorization job after making Ball's hair blonde in every episode" "Producer Thompson, actress Fisher found dead; Lucie Arnaz detained near scene" "Brochu arrested after nude photos of elderly Ball sleeping turn up on eBay" "Burton, Taylor escorted from final 'Here's Lucy' taping due to heckling" "Morton Hears a Boo: Gary's warm up acts at Lucy filmings poorly received" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 What's with all this Sothern hate? Poor Annie. LOL! "Lucy" son fired after insisting his name wasn't Jerry Fidelman's "Little Ricky" pilot shoots, reviewers deem writer "puffy" Pugh serves Bankhead with $50,000 therapy bill Hope shocks world, learns lines Broderick Crawford Tell-All! "Yes, I tapped that!" boasts Highway Patrol star Broke Debbie Reynolds loses casino, sues CBS over cancelled Comedy Hour Ball enlists Rooney to hone authentic Japanese accent Lassie revival in works, Ginger Rogers hired for lead Out of work Dusenbury pitches "Life Without Lucy". No takers. Menendez Bros inspired by Jimmy and Timmy Hudson 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Dramatic "Granddaddy" Finale reveals ILL, HL to be figments of Cathy's imagination Poll finds wax Welk more natural actor than the real thing 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted July 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Dramatic "Granddaddy" Finale reveals ILL, HL to be figments of Cathy's imagination Poll finds wax Welk more natural actor than the real thing HA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyilove Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz Called Before Congress To Explain Why Cartoons Sell Cigarettes On Their Show!! French Defamation League Sues Desilu for Discrimination After Keith Thibodeaux Forced to Change Name!! Kate Smith in Talks to Join Lucy Show Cast as Vivian Vance, Ann Sothern Exit!! Desi Arnaz Sought for Lead in The Ronald Colman Story!! Vivian Vance Furious When Learning She's The Only Woman Desi Arnaz Has Never Hit on at Desilu!! How Mary Wickes' Sexy Body Has Made Her The Most In Demand TV Series Guest Star!! Desi Arnaz's Torrid Affair with Christine Jorgensen!! Before and After!! William Frawley's Boys Night Out with Guest Star Rock Hudson!! Lucille Ball To Return To Broadway in Harold and Maude Musical Opposite Donny Osmond!! Catfight at The Emmys!! Drunken Bea Benaderet Attacks Award Winner Vivian Vance Screaming, "That Should Have Been My Role, Bitch!!!" Lucille Ball Declines Driving Miss Daisy Role!! Would Interfere With Her Backgammon Tournament!! Life With Lucy Episodes Set To Air on The Sleep Channel!! Desi Jr and Liza To Wed!!! Jim Bailey To Appear as Mother of the Bride!! Vintage Chocolates Found in Lucille Ball Bra Worn in Job Switching Episode!! To Be Auctioned at Sotherby's!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted July 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz Called Before Congress To Explain Why Cartoons Sell Cigarettes On Their Show!! French Defamation League Sues Desilu for Discrimination After Keith Thibodeaux Forced to Change Name!! Kate Smith in Talks to Join Lucy Show Cast as Vivian Vance, Ann Sothern Exit!! Desi Arnaz Sought for Lead in The Ronald Colman Story!! Vivian Vance Furious When Learning She's The Only Woman Desi Arnaz Has Never Hit on at Desilu!! How Mary Wickes' Sexy Body Has Made Her The Most In Demand TV Series Guest Star!! Desi Arnaz's Torrid Affair with Christine Jorgensen!! Before and After!! William Frawley's Boys Night Out with Guest Star Rock Hudson!! Lucille Ball To Return To Broadway in Harold and Maude Musical Opposite Donny Osmond!! Catfight at The Emmys!! Drunken Bea Benaderet Attacks Award Winner Vivian Vance Screaming, "That Should Have Been My Role, Bitch!!!" Lucille Ball Declines Driving Miss Daisy Role!! Would Interfere With Her Backgammon Tournament!! Life With Lucy Episodes Set To Air on The Sleep Channel!! Desi Jr and Liza To Wed!!! Jim Bailey To Appear as Mother of the Bride!! Vintage Chocolates Found in Lucille Ball Bra Worn in Job Switching Episode To Be Auctioned at Sotherby's!! Those are to die for! Well done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chedderchester Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 "Lucy to hire Jack Benny for another one of her episodes. What else is new?" "Lucy fires man who supplies furniture for Ricardo apartment set." 'He picks the worst stuff, no wonder we switched it so soon!' Ball protests "Vivian and Bill's secret love affair! On set photos and movie footage tell all." "Lucy Vances with Dan. Line flub or on-set hanky panky?" 'MIRA QUE TIENE COSA . . .' Desi rants" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Blog post from 2012: Lucie to Mad Men's Harry: "Bitch Stole Mom's Look!" or Who wore it better? Lucy or Harry Crane? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted July 3, 2013 Report Share Posted July 3, 2013 :marionstrong: PRICELESS!!! Yes, TOOOO funny..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted July 3, 2013 Report Share Posted July 3, 2013 "Ann Sothern, Ginger Rogers and Angela Lansbury Arrested at 'Mame' Showing" The three inebriated out-of-control vandals allegedly pelted the screen with half-eaten chocolates during the opening notes of "It's Today". "Ruth McDevitt's Podiatrist: 'My Patient May Never Walk Again After Her "Here's Lucy" Experience" ". Also alleged by McDevitt: "My 'Pistols and Petticoats' carried the entire CBS schedule, but jealous Lucy forced Paley to cancel us." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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