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"India By Way of Red Bluff" or "Ricky's 'Don Juan' in Hell"

After flight (#930) takes off, Ricky is thrilled that the scheduled movie is his "Don Juan". But when the showing is constantly interrupted by a cackling passenger in coach, he fears the worst. The movie is cut short by an unscheduled layover in Red Bluff when the same passenger spots the local amusing park's merry-go-round from the air and demands the pilot land ("all he has to do is push the steering wheel forward") because she realizes her free pass is about to expire. As Mrs. McGillicuddy de-planes through first class stifling chuckles under her breath, Ricky hides his face, but too late! Mrs. McGillicuddy spots him and stops, lets out one more maniacal laugh and continues out the door.

 

:hlLOL: :hlLOL: :hlLOL:!!!!

 

 

The thought of Mrs. McGillicudy making the pilot stop so she can ride the merry go round is too much! Great stuff as usual!

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Time for me to resurrect this baby again! :D

 

No More Bubble Butts:

Lucy & Viv are both looking not so hot in their knit suits from the rear, so they each decide to get lypo. But soon they get into an argument over who can handle it the most, and before long they're trying to outdo each other by ordering more and more outrageous surgeries on top of the other...until finally Viv comes out of the operating room with two extra breasts and Lucy comes out a man.

 

Lucy Builds a 'Hump Us' Room:

Entertaining male visitors upstairs wakes the kids, so Lucy & Viv convert the basement into their "Zone D'Amour". Things get awkward when the calendars get crossed and Lucy/Harry and Viv/Eddie wind up scheduled to use it at the same time...

JERRY: "Well, if you've gotta boink, that's the only way to do it!"

 

Lucy Is a Yoda Jerk:

Mrs. Carmichael gets on everyone's nerves more than usual after a spiritual retreat leaves her feeling enlightened...and reversing the order of her sentences.

 

Lucy & The Stow-Away Butterfly:

Lucy & Viv's trip to the White House hits an unexpected complication when they find Butterfly McQueen hiding in their luggage, who's trying to get to Washington to plead the President for help pressing charges against Vivien Leigh, as Butterfly still feels the sting from that GWTW slap after all these years. (I know, probably the weirdest and most random one yet)

 

Kiddie Farting Stinks:

Lucy & Viv's birthday party business goes up in smoke after one party...or should I say gas, as Viv's homemade ice cream causes the youngsters to break the foulest wind heretofore known to man.

 

Mooney Gets Schlocked In The Vault:

Being locked in a vault for 24 hours with a woman makes Mr. Mooney amorous, but Lucy's having none of it and turns him down cold.

 

Lucy Slays Cleopatra:

Lucy's seen Elizabeth Taylor romance Richard Burton onscreen once too often, and is determined to have Dick to herself, no matter what she has to do to get him.

 

Lucy & The Skank Scandal:

Lucy is distressed when Chris begins wearing shorter and shorter skirts and lower and lower tops, and is even more disturbed when she steals that 22 year old catfood salesman right out from under Grandma Sutton's nose.

 

Ethel Merman & The Boy Scouts' Blow:

As a thank you to Ethel Merman for doing their show, some of the wilder kids give her a unique gift, which she divides up between herself, Lucy and Viv...with a razor blade.

 

Lucy The Sock Folder:

Only Mrs. Carmichael could screw up a job where all she has to do is fold socks. Too bad she thinks they have holes and sews the tops up on all of them.

 

Lucy & The Countess Have a Bee's Nest:

Turns out the Countess went broke because her husband invested in a bee keeping operation that sunk. All she and Lucy can do is take the bees home and try to start a honey business.

 

Lucy & The Painful Boddice:

Trying to squeeze into a corset to fit her newest dress proves to be too much of a chore, so Lucy opts instead to squeeze into the dress au natural, and shows up at the dance with several giant rips near her hips but doesn't give a damn.

 

Lucy & George Burn One:

Lucy's too nervous to go onstage with George Burns, so he lights up and they both calm down...a little too much, and both are so baked the audience can't understand a thing they do onstage.

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"Lucy Is Snatchmaker"

 

Not learning from their salad dressing fiasco, Lucy and Ethel go into business selling sex toys with their most popular item being a pocket vagina. After some initial sucess, things get sticky when their defective pocket vaginas are returned by the dozens. Morton Goldapper appears as "Doc Johnson."

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"Lucy Is Snatchmaker"

 

Not learning from their salad dressing fiasco, Lucy and Ethel go into business selling sex toys with their most popular item being a pocket vagina. After some initial sucess, things get sticky when their defective pocket vaginas are returned by the dozens. Morton Goldapper appears as "Doc Johnson."

 

That's so wrong it's right! :lucyhorror:

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Time for me to resurrect this baby again! :D

 

 

All of these are brilliant and hilarious! :lucyhaha:

 

Lucy & The Stow-Away Butterfly:

Lucy & Viv's trip to the White House hits an unexpected complication when they find Butterfly McQueen hiding in their luggage, who's trying to get to Washington to plead the President for help hiding from Vivien Leigh, who's still furious about that GWTW slap after all these years. (I know, probably the weirdest and most random one yet)

 

 

What does it say about either of us that upon reading this title, I thought, "There should be an episode with Butterfly McQueen" and then in the next sentence -- BINGO! :marionstrong: :marionstrong:

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"Lucy Is Snatchmaker"

 

Not learning from their salad dressing fiasco, Lucy and Ethel go into business selling sex toys with their most popular item being a pocket vagina. After some initial sucess, things get sticky when their defective pocket vaginas are returned by the dozens. Morton Goldapper appears as "Doc Johnson."

 

 

:gary:

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All of these are brilliant and hilarious! :lucyhaha:

 

 

 

What does it say about either of us that upon reading this title, I thought, "There should be an episode with Butterfly McQueen" and then in the next sentence -- BINGO! :marionstrong: :marionstrong:

 

HAHAHA! Great minds...

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"Lucy Puts Up With a TV"

 

Short on cash, Lucy rents a room to a strange-looking, strange-sounding gal, Pat, who came to the bank for a loan for unspecified future medical expenses. It soon becomes clear things are not going to work out, so Lucy is relieved to learn that Pat is considering moving back to San Francisco. However, Lucy's relief is short-lived because Pat becomes enamored with Mr. Mooney, who finds Pat “so earthy,” and decides to stay.

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Love all these obscure references:

 

Mooney finding Pat "earthy".

22 year old cat food salesman and Grandma Sutton.

The view of Lucy and Viv's knit suits from the rear.

 

And "Butterfly McQueen"!! However I don't get the reference to Vivien Leigh and the GWTW "slap".

 

My favorite title "No More Bubble Butts"

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"F**k A Pal"

The Emmy nominated wife swapping episode.

 

"Lucy Lays Cupid"

Lucy finds herself inexplicably drawn to the young man playing Cupid in Ricky's Valentine's Day themed show at the club.

 

"Breaking The Leash"

Ricky frets over telling Lucy that their kinky sex has gotten too kinky. Meanwhile, Lucy lends Ethel her leash to use on Fred, but when she breaks it, Lucy demands that Ethel buy her a new one.

 

"Fred And Ethel Might"

When Ricky recommends to Fred the joys of anal sex, Fred attempts to talk his honeybunch into it. Little does Fred know that Ricky was lying about having anal sex with Lucy, hoping that if Lucy heard that Ethel did it, she'd be more willing to go for it herself.

 

"Lucy Becomes A Temptress"

Lucy and Ethel take classes on kama sutra.

 

"The Indian Ho"

Lucy takes down a slut who's after Ricky by secretly feeding her cow before a show and making her violently ill. Meanwhile, Ethel dresses up as a Native American to get Fred in the mood.

 

"Ricky And Fred Are VD Fans"

When the Ricardos get gonorrhea, and the Mertzes get chlamydia, the boys are pleased to brag about it to all of their friends. But the girls have some sour news from them: how do they think they each got their respective diseases?

 

"Too Many Cocks"

In a parody of "Drafted," misunderstandings lead the girls to believe the boys are embarking on a secret sexual relationship, while the boys think the girls are planning for sex change operations. Meanwhile, Madame X returns and steals the girls' dildos.

 

"Lucy Has Her Tits Examined"

After Carolyn Appleby proudly displays her new perky rack, Lucy and Ethel journey to the doctor and consider having operations themselves. Ricky is not thrilled with this development, but Fred is delighted. In the end, Ms. Trumbull's botched boob job convinces the girls to stick with what they were born with.

 

"Ricky Blinds The Baby"

Ricky accidentally ejaculates into Little Ricky's eye and renders him blind. What will the doctor say? What will Lucy say?

 

"Crotch To Face"

The Ricardos try something new. When the Mertzes try it for themselves, they have a miserable time, and blame the Ricardos for their bad advice. The four must work things out when the Ricardos and Mertzes are interview on national television!

 

"Deep Sea Fisting"

A competition: who can go the deepest?

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"The Dyke Hunt"

Lucy's European antics have landed her quite a reputation amongst the lesbian community. Lucy and Ethel frequent a couple of hot spots to find out why this is so. Meanwhile, Fred is displeased to learn the hot chambermaid in the hotel is a dyke.

 

"I Love Labia Christmas Show"

Ricky wants one thing for Christmas: a threesome. And Ethel is excited because it's the only time of year she gets her "stocking stuffed."

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These make me blush!.....however in...

 

"Lucy Has Her Tits Examined"

After Carolyn Appleby proudly displays her new perky rack, Lucy and Ethel journey to the doctor and consider having operations themselves.

 

...the girls should go to Phoebe Emerson's Enhancement Clinic and when they get their free "BQ"'s (Breast Quotient), Phoebe says "Is that the way they're supposed to look"?

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These make me blush!.....however in...

 

...the girls should go to Phoebe Emerson's Enhancement Clinic and when they get their free "BQ"'s (Breast Quotient), Phoebe says "Is that the way they're supposed to look"?

 

:marionstrong: :marionstrong:

 

 

tve15420-19650313-136.jpg My, it must be awfully chilly inside.

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:marionstrong: :marionstrong:

 

 

tve15420-19650313-136.jpg My, it must be awfully chilly inside.

 

:marionstrong:

I was trying to come up with a variation on that line, but couldn't....and that's PERFECT

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"F**k A Pal"

The Emmy nominated wife swapping episode.

 

"Lucy Lays Cupid"

Lucy finds herself inexplicably drawn to the young man playing Cupid in Ricky's Valentine's Day themed show at the club.

 

"Breaking The Leash"

Ricky frets over telling Lucy that their kinky sex has gotten too kinky. Meanwhile, Lucy lends Ethel her leash to use on Fred, but when she breaks it, Lucy demands that Ethel buy her a new one.

 

"Fred And Ethel Might"

When Ricky recommends to Fred the joys of anal sex, Fred attempts to talk his honeybunch into it. Little does Fred know that Ricky was lying about having anal sex with Lucy, hoping that if Lucy heard that Ethel did it, she'd be more willing to go for it herself.

 

"Lucy Becomes A Temptress"

Lucy and Ethel take classes on kama sutra.

 

"The Indian Ho"

Lucy takes down a slut who's after Ricky by secretly feeding her cow before a show and making her violently ill. Meanwhile, Ethel dresses up as a Native American to get Fred in the mood.

 

"Ricky And Fred Are VD Fans"

When the Ricardos get gonorrhea, and the Mertzes get chlamydia, the boys are pleased to brag about it to all of their friends. But the girls have some sour news from them: how do they think they each got their respective diseases?

 

"Too Many Cocks"

In a parody of "Drafted," misunderstandings lead the girls to believe the boys are embarking on a secret sexual relationship, while the boys think the girls are planning for sex change operations. Meanwhile, Madame X returns and steals the girls' dildos.

 

"Lucy Has Her Tits Examined"

After Carolyn Appleby proudly displays her new perky rack, Lucy and Ethel journey to the doctor and consider having operations themselves. Ricky is not thrilled with this development, but Fred is delighted. In the end, Ms. Trumbull's botched boob job convinces the girls to stick with what they were born with.

 

"Ricky Blinds The Baby"

Ricky accidentally ejaculates into Little Ricky's eye and renders him blind. What will the doctor say? What will Lucy say?

 

"Crotch To Face"

The Ricardos try something new. When the Mertzes try it for themselves, they have a miserable time, and blame the Ricardos for their bad advice. The four must work things out when the Ricardos and Mertzes are interview on national television!

 

"Deep Sea Fisting"

A competition: who can go the deepest?

 

Damn, who knew everyone was so slutty!

Life is funnier with a dirty mind :)

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Love all these obscure references:

 

Mooney finding Pat "earthy".

22 year old cat food salesman and Grandma Sutton.

The view of Lucy and Viv's knit suits from the rear.

 

And "Butterfly McQueen"!! However I don't get the reference to Vivien Leigh and the GWTW "slap".

 

My favorite title "No More Bubble Butts"

 

I actually goofed a little bit in my summary. It was Viv who slapped Butterfly in GWTW, not the other way around. In which case I'll amend my plot so Butterfly's trying to press charges on Vivien after all these years. Apparently Vivien slapped her very hard and it caused some hurt feelings.

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I actually goofed a little bit in my summary. It was Viv who slapped Butterfly in GWTW, not the other way around. In which case I'll amend my plot so Butterfly's trying to press charges on Vivien after all these years. Apparently Vivien slapped her very hard and it caused some hurt feelings.

 

Didn't Butterfly say in one of the GWTW docs that she thought Viv was slapping her too soft in the takes and told her to really go for it?

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Didn't Butterfly say in one of the GWTW docs that she thought Viv was slapping her too soft in the takes and told her to really go for it?

 

I believe she demanded that Vivien not actually hit her. She said that if Vivien hit her, she would not scream, and if they wanted her to scream, she better fake it.

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The Whore:

Lucy makes the bus driver pull over halfway through her Hollywood tour so she can sneak into Shirley Temple's house to try on her black lace lingerie.

 

Ricky Bleeds an Agent:

Ricky's so desperate to get a part in a movie he'll do anything, even torture his agent.

 

The Dancing Scar:

Lucy must fill in as Scar in a touring production of "The Lion King" after she knocks out the regular actor.

 

The "How to Bop Her?" Story

Ricky & Fred try to figure out the best way to seduce the wives.

 

Harpo Barks

Is Carolyn really near-sighted enough for Lucy & Ethel to pass off a stray dog as Harpo Marx?

 

Lucy is Désappointe

Lucy's having a baby all right, but she doesn't want to.

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"Lucy Puts Up With a TV"

 

Short on cash, Lucy rents a room to a strange-looking, strange-sounding gal, Pat, who came to the bank for a loan for unspecified future medical expenses. It soon becomes clear things are not going to work out, so Lucy is relieved to learn that Pat is considering moving back to San Francisco. However, Lucy's relief is short-lived because Pat becomes enamored with Mr. Mooney, who finds Pat “so earthy,” and decides to stay.

 

 

Are you referring to Julia Sweeney's "Pat" character from SNL:?

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LUCY TAKES A JOB AT THE SPERM BANK

Looking for some extra cash, Lucy and Viv decide to commute to nearby New Rochelle to get jobs at new, local fertility centre. After Viv causes both of them to lose their jobs in the freezer room after pinching the samples to see what kind they were, they’re put on cleaning detail to get the donation booth ready for the next donors. The girls jump to conclusions, however, when they find Mr. Mooney’s billfold left on the side table.

 

LUCY & VIV’S 20/20 VISION

Lucy’s once again fallen short on the money from her trust fund and Viv’s back to drinking brown water and burnt bread. Fearing another fight with her tenant, Lucy begs Mr. Mooney for an advance but to no avail. After trying to break the news to Viv as gently as she can, Viv nonetheless blows up and calls Barbara Walters and Hugh Downs to investigate Lucy running a slum right in the middle of picturesque Danfield. Soon, however, everything is smoothed over and the girls are friends again, so Viv calls the network to say everything had been resolved. The problem? Hugh and Barbara had just hopped on the train with a camera crew to do a live ambush of Lucy on Post Road. (End of Part 1)

 

LUCY & THE CASE OF THE WECKLESS FIRETWUCK DWIVER

In the conclusion of Part 2, an embarrassed Viv and a furious Lucy decide to make the best of a bad situation. Realising they’re going to be on live television, they decide this is going to be their big break, so they haul out their old Charleston routine, Chaplin sketch, and elist Jerry for a comedy monologue and Sherman for a dance number to knock the socks off the network execs. Somehow Thelma Green gets wind of what’s about to go down at the Carmichael-Bagley Abode and things this is the perfect opportunity to show off the work – and TALENT! – of the Danfield Volunteers as well!

Guest Stars: Hugh Downs, Baba Wawa, Carole Cook

 

TIPSY THROUGH THE MEADOWS

Studio employee Mary Jane scores tickets to a special party held in honour of Steve Allen (media genius). Lucy is on her best behaviour and after a drink of punch becomes the witty life of the party, even exchanging henna rinse blending tips with Jayne and Audrey Meadows. A few more glasses of punch later, however, Lucy gets in trouble after taking Jayne aside and telling her she’s been her biggest fan ever since The Honeymooners and tells her to ditch her deadweight sister who has been holding her back since they were in Asia.

Guest Stars: Mary Jane Croft, Audrey Meadows, Jayne Meadows, Steve Allen

 

THE BLACK MING

Lucy and Viv bump into Mr. Mooney at Grandma Sutton’s estate sale and a uniquely shaped dark vase catches the girls’ eye. With only a buck each to their name, the girls talk her 24-year-old widower into knocking the price of the $5 vase down to $3, so being caught short, Mr. Mooney surprisingly lends them the dollar. Walking home together, the trio get to the Carmichael Bagley residents, the girls scrounge around to find a buck in change, repay Mr. Mooney and he goes on his merry way. After a thorough cleaning, vivid colours start to appear on the surface of the vase and it is soon an object worthy of a centrepiece. Mr. Mooney comes by the next day after discovering Lucy is overdrawn by $1 and, without thinking, gasps in amazement! He believes it is a very rare, early Ming piece worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. There is a pregnant pause as the three exchange glances and an all-out battle ensues over which of them has a greater claim to the piece.

Guest Star: Rhodes Reason as the bereaved cat food salesman

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I hadn't read much of this thread and was going back over many pages. Many of these had me laughing so hard I about peed my pants. You guys are good.

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You two.....characters! I need a few of these every once in a while to brighten my morning.

 

They're all great as always but here are my LOL moments (LOL'd but stopped short of peeing pants)

 

Lucy taking over for The Dancing Scar on the Lion King tour.

Trying to pass of a shaggy dog as Harpo

Viv pinching the sperm specimens to see who they are from (this one did challenge my sphincter muscle tone)

The multi-layered joke of the ep title LUCY & THE CASE OF THE WECKLESS FIRETWUCK DWIVER

 

Isn't Rhodes Reason a little long in the tooth to be playing the gold-digging 24 yr. old catfood salesman?

Not sure I get all the references in "Black Ming".

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Isn't Rhodes Reason a little long in the tooth to be playing the gold-digging 24 yr. old catfood salesman?

Not sure I get all the references in "Black Ming".

 

If Flo started the rumour in 1963 when he was 22, this episode would be in about 1965...making him 7 - 9 years off the mark.

 

No references in The Black Ming -- just a straight title alteration.

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LUCY TAKES A JOB AT THE SPERM BANK

Looking for some extra cash, Lucy and Viv decide to commute to nearby New Rochelle to get jobs at new, local fertility centre. After Viv causes both of them to lose their jobs in the freezer room after pinching the samples to see what kind they were, they’re put on cleaning detail to get the donation booth ready for the next donors. The girls jump to conclusions, however, when they find Mr. Mooney’s billfold left on the side table.

 

LUCY & VIV’S 20/20 VISION

Lucy’s once again fallen short on the money from her trust fund and Viv’s back to drinking brown water and burnt bread. Fearing another fight with her tenant, Lucy begs Mr. Mooney for an advance but to no avail. After trying to break the news to Viv as gently as she can, Viv nonetheless blows up and calls Barbara Walters and Hugh Downs to investigate Lucy running a slum right in the middle of picturesque Danfield. Soon, however, everything is smoothed over and the girls are friends again, so Viv calls the network to say everything had been resolved. The problem? Hugh and Barbara had just hopped on the train with a camera crew to do a live ambush of Lucy on Post Road. (End of Part 1)

 

LUCY & THE CASE OF THE WECKLESS FIRETWUCK DWIVER

In the conclusion of Part 2, an embarrassed Viv and a furious Lucy decide to make the best of a bad situation. Realising they’re going to be on live television, they decide this is going to be their big break, so they haul out their old Charleston routine, Chaplin sketch, and elist Jerry for a comedy monologue and Sherman for a dance number to knock the socks off the network execs. Somehow Thelma Green gets wind of what’s about to go down at the Carmichael-Bagley Abode and things this is the perfect opportunity to show off the work – and TALENT! – of the Danfield Volunteers as well!

Guest Stars: Hugh Downs, Baba Wawa, Carole Cook

 

TIPSY THROUGH THE MEADOWS

Studio employee Mary Jane scores tickets to a special party held in honour of Steve Allen (media genius). Lucy is on her best behaviour and after a drink of punch becomes the witty life of the party, even exchanging henna rinse blending tips with Jayne and Audrey Meadows. A few more glasses of punch later, however, Lucy gets in trouble after taking Jayne aside and telling her she’s been her biggest fan ever since The Honeymooners and tells her to ditch her deadweight sister who has been holding her back since they were in Asia.

Guest Stars: Mary Jane Croft, Audrey Meadows, Jayne Meadows, Steve Allen

 

THE BLACK MING

Lucy and Viv bump into Mr. Mooney at Grandma Sutton’s estate sale and a uniquely shaped dark vase catches the girls’ eye. With only a buck each to their name, the girls talk her 24-year-old widower into knocking the price of the $5 vase down to $3, so being caught short, Mr. Mooney surprisingly lends them the dollar. Walking home together, the trio get to the Carmichael Bagley residents, the girls scrounge around to find a buck in change, repay Mr. Mooney and he goes on his merry way. After a thorough cleaning, vivid colours start to appear on the surface of the vase and it is soon an object worthy of a centrepiece. Mr. Mooney comes by the next day after discovering Lucy is overdrawn by $1 and, without thinking, gasps in amazement! He believes it is a very rare, early Ming piece worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. There is a pregnant pause as the three exchange glances and an all-out battle ensues over which of them has a greater claim to the piece.

Guest Star: Rhodes Reason as the bereaved cat food salesman

 

Marvelous! The sperm bank joke with Viv pinching them is priceless.

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