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Happy Anniversary


Luvsbway

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Oh Claude you have to work pretty hard to offend me. I love Lucy's bluntness and totally understand it. It's amazing how polarizing this interview is to fans. Every time I watch it there is another layer to it. Something different tyo look for in it, tone, words, etc...

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Well, yeah, she had never discussed the subjects covered at length before, it was one of her best interviews, B U T even though we think of someone being a LOSER is like so offensive but she did not mean it the way most people interpret that remark.  Re the TONE thing, if I said loudly and harshly, OH HE WAS SUCH A LOSER, that would be one thing BUT, instead, she says casually, I married a loser before, everything he built up, he had to then lose, not the same thing at all.  And she states that he has said the same thing about himself therefore she's not attacking him, she's quoting him, he knew what his main fault was.  And no one seems to remember all the nice things she said about him being generous and all.

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On Tumbler this weekend there were some anniversary picture posts with quotes. I was able to attribute all the quotes I saw back to their sources (books, documentaries, etc...). This quote I can not place and never read before.

 

Lucy and I already had that One in a lifetime kind of Love. It is time for us to become friends.

We were both damaged fron this big romance that lasted two decades, but we cannot just erase each other away.

I think of Her every day, even her voice echoes in my conscience.

You can’t just erase Your Soul Mate Away”- Desi Arnaz

 

It's a lovely quote and very sad. Does anyone know where it came from and maybe the year?

I am in love with that quote.

 

My take on Lucy and Desi is this..

 

Now if all the bad times were forgotten their marriage may have lasted. But at the end their was more bad than good. It was always there but when all was said and done they still had the love. Like the almost reconciliation, she remembered the heart ache and couldn't go back.

 

But imagine loving someone so passionately and not being able to be with them? The sadness that took over them was that they didn't understand why it didn't work. They had everything; the family, the fame, the money, and most importantly the love, but it could not save their marriage. They were both so selfish and stubborn to let go of things that were hurting the marriage.

 

I'm sure in the back of their minds they desperately wanted to be with their other half, even after the other spouses came along. Not the action of attempting it but the return feeling of the passion they shared.

 

To me, they never did let go of each other. People can argue that, but I will never be convinced that they weren't still deeply in love and had that emotional relationship after the fact.

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I am in love with that quote.

 

My take on Lucy and Desi is this..

 

Now if all the bad times were forgotten their marriage may have lasted. But at the end their was more bad than good. It was always there but when all was said and done they still had the love. Like the almost reconciliation, she remembered the heart ache and couldn't go back.

 

But imagine loving someone so passionately and not being able to be with them? The sadness that took over them was that they didn't understand why it didn't work. They had everything; the family, the fame, the money, and most importantly the love, but it could not save their marriage. They were both so selfish and stubborn to let go of things that were hurting the marriage.

 

I'm sure in the back of their minds they desperately wanted to be with their other half, even after the other spouses came along. Not the action of attempting it but the return feeling of the passion they shared.

 

To me, they never did let go of each other. People can argue that, but I will never be convinced that they weren't still deeply in love and had that emotional relationship after the fact.

 

Not to comment on this post, Annaleigh; but, adding something which struck me just as I was saying yesterday, r.i.p., Desi, and re-connected in my mind the fact that he could have passed on their anniversary; what a sad thing THAT would have been.  Do we imagine in our 'love' minds that he waited just so it wouldn't be on their day?  Just thinking....

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I think in his state at the time he had no idea what day it was.  I’ve seen and read Lucie’s account of the last 2 days and it is sad.  She admitted herself she didn’t even realize till later that the phone conversation took place on the 30th.  We all know the account that Lucie got Lucy on the phone and said that he doesn’t have much time left and you need to talk to him.   In the most detailed account I heard/read Lucie details out the call as she was holding the phone.  Lucie had mentioned to her dad about mom doing some show and he wished her good luck, then Lucie says they talked about something else briefly, which she couldn’t hear, then that’s when Lucy started with the “I love you”s.    What I did not know from the first time I read this story was Lucie said that about 10 mins after that phone call he closed his eyes and slipped into a coma and was gone about 24 hours later (give or take to whatever makes the date turn out to be the 2nd).  Maybe he didn’t hang on to not die on the 30th, but I think the phone call with Lucy was the final release he needed to move on.  Knowing that makes the end of the love affair all the more sad, poignant, romantic, touching, etc…  It wasn’t just an ordinary phone conversation but one to wrap up everything and at this point the only thing left to say was I love you.  When I saw Suzanne’s show back at the 97 LA Convention she did this as her last scene followed by singing ‘If He Walked Into My Life”.  I was bawling through the whole end and I think a lot of others were too.

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Annaleigh your words are wonderful and I believe so on point.  What really tends to piss me off when their divorce is talked about is Lucy gets none of the blame because she easily looks like the victim.  Yes she never deserved to be cheated on and have to put up with the ever increasing situations the constant drinking brought on.  Yes she was a victim with those 2 things, but 2 people make a marriage and I do like that you point out the selfishness.  I can’t believe that every fight they ever had was because of those 2 things.  I think the fact that they had a huge issue with jealousy on both their parts could have been one thing.  I’ve written this before but why did he frequently accuse her of being with someone else.  Remember the hotel lobby phone call in Milwaukee and they weren’t even married yet.  I think in Lucy’s book she writes about that they did keep their money separate.  As long as the bills were paid then what you did with your income was your deal.  That may be fine if you both have the same outlook on money but when one is a saver and didn’t live lavishly and the other one lived like there was no tomorrow you are going to have a problem. 

 

I think in the grand scheme of things they had a general want for the same things in life (happy marriage, kids, a home, family) but how they looked on those things, which was greatly influenced by their upbringing was a factor.  I sort of go back to these 2 ideas.  In the Lucy movie they made this theme of whenever something good happened something bad was there to smash it.  The neighbor kid getting shot, someone dying, the red scare.  The red scare is the best example to illustrate this.  They had everything at that point, fame, money, 2 kids, a hit show, working together, and from what I read around that time a marriage that finally seemed happy (for then at least) and then the one thing that could take all of that away. 

 

Now on the other hand you have Desi’s outlook on life which he states in his book and also in that letter (about the 2nd book) that was linked to last month.  He had everything in life at an early age then it all got taken away very quickly and he had to start from nothing in a new country.  So he knew he could build it up once the fear of losing it all was not something he was very worried about.  Thus you take these 2 outlooks on life that greatly clash and you see how they were so different in how they approached life.  In the mid to late 50s Lucy may have saw how big they had gotten and to someone who strived to reach the top in her profession (by hard work) she had made it and was from this point able to do what she wanted with her career.  But she wasn’t running the day to day business, Desi was and in reading his book it took a major toll on him.  He wanted numerous times to sell the whole thing but I think he didn’t for 2 reasons.  He knew the security and happiness career wise it gave his wife and probably from a money aspect he knew that he could give the kids whatever they wanted.  So he continues on and has to alleviate this stress somehow, thus the cheating and drinking get really bad, lack of judgment causes really bad situations, fame makes those actions known.  The problems really started to get out of hand and there was no way either of them were going to really take the actions needed to put a stop to them.  I think they both made attempts but neither had their full heart in it.  Lucy sought out counseling with Norman Vincent Peale but Desi didn’t stick with it.  He on the other hand wanted to go on the Europe trip just the 2 of them but Lucy goes and drags the whole family along. 

 

In an interview with Bernie on Stu’s radio show he talks a bit about the 62 buy out.  It’s generally attributed to the fact that Desi wanted out and Lucy didn’t want to let the company go so she took over reluctantly as the last thing she wanted to do was be a business woman.  I think it was 2 fold in that she didn’t want to let something go that they had built from the ground up, but that she also knew that she could call her own shots on her projects with the studio.  Bernie brought up something interesting.  He thinks it was because they were having trouble working together.  I was always under the impression that post-divorce it was easier to work together.  I think there may have been some personal issues in play here.  Either she realized the drinking was severely impacting the studio as it was not making a lot of money and this caused fights.  Or I’m thinking it may have had to do with relationship issues.  The more Lucy kept trying to work Gary in and him being around really started to cement the fact that Lucy was now gone and had moved on.  Not that Gary was ever a business threat but he was a major problem if you are still in love with your ex and need to see this guy hanging around the place you built.

 

I’m one that loves to her about whatever interaction they had post-divorce as it helps cement that feeling that we all have that they never stopped loving each other.  There is the quote above about Lucy pulling Bacon aside and asking how Desi was.  I’ve read about her doing this to other people as well.  We knew they talked frequently but checking in with friends on how someone is doing really speaks to the concern they had for each other.  In the Life on the Hyphen book the autobio book editor talks about Desi’s mental state at the time he was working on the book with him.  It seemed like he really missed her.  The editor says that he realized how terrible of a husband he was to her and felt bad about it.  Apparently there was a lot edited out of the book of stuff that was post 60’ that was just too depressing to include.  I think the fact that he was always more open with his emotions is where we see the feeling of loss on his end.  Now Lucy one I don’t think was as open to talking about her true feelings publically and two since she was perceived to be the victim in all this she may have been concerned with her image if she starts romanticizing the union, and also the fact that she is married would look bad too.  I find very little public declarations of love for him in the post-divorce year.  There is a quote from the day he died.  In the second part she says “I will love him till the day I die.”  It’s simple but speaks volumes and publically too.  If there are more I would love to hear them.

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I loved both posts, Shelly. The first one had some incredible facts I don't remember ever hearing. But I especially love the last post. You put to words the things that I always believed but no way to put it.

 

But I'm glad someone agrees that it wasn't only Desi. I've gotten into a lot of arguments on behalf of that subject. It takes two to tango.

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Not ONLY Desi but MOSTLY Desi.  They advised HER to take the studio over as he was too drunk at ten a m every day to run it.  It took her five years to build it up again so she could sell it and get back her money.  Living with an alcoholic is bad enough, but a man who never could stop philandering and who also gambled more than he had, humiliating her publicly as the police drove him back to her house all the time and not being able to function, no social life because he was embarrassing in public, headlines in magazines and newspapers about getting caught in a bawdy house on more than one occasion, risking giving her a social illness the few times they had sex, yeah, you're right, it was all Lucy's fault.

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