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The Arnaz/Ball marriage

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It's so sad how it never worked out between them. :( why did Desi have to go and cheat? At least they did love each other until the very end but they just couldn't stay married. Poor Lucy was devastated when Desi died. 1986 was just not her year. I wonder what it would've been like if she died before him? What would he have said? I really think they were way happier before they became TV stars.

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desilufan2    32

I think that first year or so they were very happy. But when Desi started touring with his band things quickly became difficult. They never had an easy time. Another happy period was right before and after Lucie was born. Aside from that they had some pretty difficult times. However it is a testament to their love for each other that they lasted as long as they did.

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I wonder if they ever felt like they could get back together, but then realized that ship had sailed. The video of them in the pool with Simon in 1982 is so bittersweet, especially when there's the voiceover of him singing I Love Lucy. I wonder if Lucie was one of the first few people to own a camcorder since that's pretty much exactly when they went on the market, and super expensive too. our first camcorder movies were in 1987 and we had some in 1989 when Guess Who came along and several other segments in the early 90s, but only because my mom borrowed it from somebody and they didn't have the money to buy one. Otherwise we'd have lots more baby/toddler videos! my grandpa eventually bought one in 1993. And my uncle got one in 1992 right before the birth of my cousin and we're in a few videos. sorry to go off on a tangent! lol.

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Luvsbway    2,000

I think I figured this out in the Pool Video thread further down. But the video camera that shot this was owned by Stu Shostack who knew and worked for Lucy and had a video business.

 

From what Stu said Lucie wasn't even there and didn't know about the video until after her mother died.

 

I always have this fantasy that after Edie died and had Desi been in better health and didn't die a year later, Lucy would have dumped Gary and those 2 would have just lived out their twilight years together with out all the pressures of the business and just enjoy life and the grandkids. I mean the public always wanted them back together anyways so they wouldn't give her grief for dumping the other schmuck.

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Annaleigh    296

I think I figured this out in the Pool Video thread further down. But the video camera that shot this was owned by Stu Shostack who knew and worked for Lucy and had a video business.

 

From what Stu said Lucie wasn't even there and didn't know about the video until after her mother died.

 

I always have this fantasy that after Edie died and had Desi been in better health and didn't die a year later, Lucy would have dumped Gary and those 2 would have just lived out their twilight years together with out all the pressures of the business and just enjoy life and the grandkids. I mean the public always wanted them back together anyways so they wouldn't give her grief for dumping the other schmuck.

I always thought that. Especially after their careers somewhat died down in the 1970s. No pressures of work. Just those two to enjoy their lives and families.

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desilufan2    32

I wish they could have gotten back together in the 80's after Edie died. By all accounts she was a lovely lady and I wouldn't have wanted Desi to wrong her by leaving. Gary? Err... who cares? :D. However, I don't think they(Lucy and Desi) would have been happy even then. That's the sad part. Lucy was never really content unless she was working and without it she became more difficult. Joan Rivers seems to be the same way. And Desi was still having a terrible time with addictions. He was into overmedicating(I think). Still if Desi could have kicked it I have this lovely image of him showing Lucy how to enjoy a beautiful sunset and fishing at the beach. Just loving life with both of them content.

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Luvsbway    2,000

From what Desi Jr said in the Home Movies and some other things I've read I thought he got cleaned up in the 80's but by then it was too late since he got sick.

 

I'm thinking Lucy would have worked when she felt like it but with Desi around he would have gave her good advice on the projects and she would have been happier doing them.

 

Your first part above is exactly my sentiments too.

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desilufan2    32

Lucie has mentioned  he went through recovery but couldn't live up to it. He finally admitted he was an alcoholic for his son's sake but then he went home and got into pills. Since then she has said differently, maybe just wanting to remember things in a more positive way, but I think he still had problems.

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Luvsbway    2,000

Very interesting. Never knew anything about the meds. While they say you are always an addict. You might kick one substance but still have the addiction so many fill it with something else.

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Caewi    19

I think if Desi had lived longer it may have happened. To be honest if Desi had between his habits much earlier I think it may have happened then. I think she was always in love with him and if he'd managed to overcome his addictions and reach a better understanding regarding the womanizing, he would have been the man she fell in love with him. I think Gary may always have been a choice she felt she had to take because she lost the man she fell in love with. Given the chance to have him back the way she had originally known him, I think she would have grabbed it. According to Stu she always said that when things were good, they were spectacular. Apparently she said that around when she was pregnant with Lucie, she saw their marriage as perfect and said that if he had stayed like that throughout their marriage, there would have been no need for a divorce. It seems like the happiest she ever was, was with Desi and if he was healthy, she would have grabbed the chance for their marriage to be that way again (especially compared to an above average but not passionate or wanting marriage with with Gary).

 

I know it would have been difficult/impossible with new spouses but I honestly wish they had given it ago. I think both of their later lives could have been much fuller and happier if they had found each other again. Has anyone noticed that on the Home Movie there is a piece of an interview Lucy gave where she mentions that she was already married and Desi was already remarried and the kids were still having them watch the Parent Trap. At that point she says in a sad voice, kids it's too late. That comment always struck me because it suggests she had been holding onto hope that it could have happened again but too much time had gone by. 

 

Do you think she every considered it and hell with the consequences? Or reflect on it when he died? Lee's comment about her fit when he joked about the presidents at the Kennedy Honours is telling. Her explosion about do you think it's fun getting old, watching people you love die. 

 

Do you think Gary knew? How did he feel about it? Did Edie know? I've heard so little about what she thought about their relationship. If Gary had died first, would it have happened?

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Yeah, I remember the Parent Trap comment. I agree with all you say, Caewi. I wish they could've re-ignited the spark but I think it was too late by the 70s/80s, especially with Desi's failing health in 1985-1986

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Luvsbway    2,000

Lucy makes this comment in her book that she had come to the conclusion (this being around 63’) that she says they never really liked each other. I take this to mean that maybe since they had 2 different outlooks on life they found it hard to fully accept the other person’s philosophy. I also take this as maybe this is just what she had to tell herself to get through this period in her life. I think by the late 50’s both of them were turning into people they didn’t recognize. Desi fully admits it in his book that he was hating the person he was becoming. I very much agree with your statement the she felt she had to take Gary. According to both books Lucille and Desilu she was really close around Jan 61’ to going back to Desi and I think she picked Gary to stop her from going back but also she said she was very lonely at this time and he was the best thing at the time. In Lucie’s 3 hour TV Academy interview she is asked about both her step parents. She has wonderful things to say about Edie and that she misses her very much. She talks a bit about Lucy and Gary’s marriage but what I remember from that is she didn’t know if it was a passionate marriage. She followed that up by saying that those kinds of things she didn’t talk about with her mother so she wasn’t 100% sure.

 

In the same interview Lucie says her dad dated a bunch of blonde bimbos before he came to his senses and married Edie. I find it funny that her ex had a detective following them around and in return Desi got a detective to follow him around. Lucie also said that Edie knew how to handle him, which says a lot as clearly Lucy didn’t. In the Desilu book I believe it does say that they almost got divorced in 74’. I think the drinking was still really bad and this was about the time he was writing his book so I wonder if old emotions got stirred up and that had something to do with it. I also came across a passage from his book editor in Life on the Hyphen about how sad the post 60’ years part of the book was and how he was at a really bad place during this time. The editor talks about them getting together at a hotel to work on the book and Desi just calls up a bunch of girls, so that had not stopped in the mid 70’s. I think by the 80’s though it may have been winding down due to age. Based on the BW interview I don’t think Lucy at that time had any thoughts of them just saying screw it to the other spouses and getting back together. She knew they had so many issues still at that time it would not have worked. I do think the 80’s was different. It’s like what someone else said above that Edie seemed like such a nice woman that she would have been the one that got really left out in the cold if they would have said let’s just see if this will work again. Lucy offered the guest house to Desi after Edie died as he was taking it really hard but I never got confirmation if he took her up on the offer. I’ve often thought about that comment Lee made after the Kennedy Center. Sometimes in times of stress what you are really thinking comes out.

 

As far as either of the spouses knowing about their continued love, they knew and that had to make being married to them tough to know that you may be loved but never like the one each other is still pining for secretly or not so secretly. I think the kids helped to bridge all this as both step parents really seemed to be liked by the kids. I know that Lucy continually told Gary that she loved that he was such a good step parent to her kids and that after everyone’s death neither kid has said a bad thing about either one is pretty good

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Annaleigh    296

I believe Lucy and Desi learned to appreciate each other after the divorce. They have both said they got along swimmingly after the marriage fell apart. They were finally friends. Of course it was built off of their love still. But they honestly couldn't live without each other's input. I've heard she called him very, very often.

 

To me, if they gotten the chance, I feel as if they both would've changed for each other. But when you are 50+, you don't really look for that passionate marriage. You have someone to grow old with.

 

Desi was so broken, he always seem to be "broken". Covering all his problems with the booze, money, and broads. I don't think he realized how great he truly was. He needed someone that could put up with it all and be a support system. Which he got.

 

Lucy needed someone that would stand by her side, another support system. Someone that wouldn't be upset to be "Mr Ball", as much as she tried to build her man up. Someone that doesn't mind that work came first.

 

The biggest misconception is that everything was Desi's fault. They both brought the troubles of the marriage to the table. They were both stubborn as can be.

 

Do you ever think, if Lucy took Desi's offer of giving up the show, their marriage would've been saved? For me, I don't know. If they strictly become home bodies I think it would've worked. But Lucy HAD to work. Desi HAD to go out and spend his worth. Those things always stood in the way and were there for the rest of their lives.

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I believe Lucy and Desi learned to appreciate each other after the divorce. They have both said they got along swimmingly after the marriage fell apart. They were finally friends. Of course it was built off of their love still. But they honestly couldn't live without each other's input. I've heard she called him very, very often.

 

 

Swimmingly . . . ha. Referring to the video of them in the pool in 1982 with their baby grandson Simon. Yes they truly loved each other until the very end at least. And her reaction at the Kennedy Center Honors when Robert Stack read Desi's words, "I Love Lucy was never just a title," she was sobbing. When he was executive producer on season 1 of TLS and also visited the set of HL, what was it like? Did she ever want him to be a guest star or would the fans have thought it was too weird? We did see Bill Frawley's cameo in 1965, but Lucy feels like she knew him once before. On The Nanny, we know Fran married Mr. Sheffield but on one of her other shows, he was her ex husband, and then in the most recent one, he was some guy she met who was bi.

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desilufan2    32

Frankly, I think Lucie may have said Edie could handle him simply because she was so fond of Edie. I don't think anyone could handle Desi later in life. Edie may not have had Lucy's temper and perhaps could BETTER handle him when he blew up but come on! Desi was still drinking far to much, still had a gambling and spending problem, and still ran around with other women. How exactly was Edie  "handling" him?

 Also I don't think Lucie was ever very fond of Gary. I get the feeling she took on her Dad's feelings about him and just though he was kind of a joke. I know she has said semi positive things about him in the past but I get the feeling its a little like politics.... you need to be on good terms with certain people so you say certain things to the public even if you don't personally like them.

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desilufan2    32

Oh I know she has never said anything negative about him. I just get that vibe from her. If she didn't dislike him than she just wasn't close to him. I remember reading an article a couple of years ago and she was asked about the important people in her life. She named several people starting with her parents then Dede, Edie, and I think she even mentioned Willie May. She did not mention Gary which I found very interesting.

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Brock    3,339

Considering what happened with the now infamous auction a few years ago, I wonder if Lucie's relationship with Gary changed at all after he married Susie McAllister.

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Annaleigh    296

Frankly, I think Lucie may have said Edie could handle him simply because she was so fond of Edie. I don't think anyone could handle Desi later in life. Edie may not have had Lucy's temper and perhaps could BETTER handle him when he blew up but come on! Desi was still drinking far to much, still had a gambling and spending problem, and still ran around with other women. How exactly was Edie "handling" him?

Also I don't think Lucie was ever very fond of Gary. I get the feeling she took on her Dad's feelings about him and just though he was kind of a joke. I know she has said semi positive things about him in the past but I get the feeling its a little like politics.... you need to be on good terms with certain people so you say certain things to the public even if you don't personally like them.

Edie knew his ways before they got married. It isn't "handling", she was someone that put up with it. We don't know too much about her, but she was there. Like always it was rough but in some sense she had to be "okay" with the cheating. The addiction aspect I'm sure she got on his ass often about it. Maybe they had an open marriage? I don't know. But it has been said they had their own divorce scares.

 

This is all just my opinion though.

 

Also with Gary and the kids, they had to have liked him. That was there main father figure they saw most often. Now they may now see the mistakes he has made and realize that Lucy and Desi were truly in love until the end. But that doesn't hurt their love towards Gary. That was a father figure for them.

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desilufan2    32

There's a thought. Still I don't think much changed. They just were never close. I mean just look at her Archive of American Television interview. When she talked about Edie you could tell there was nothing but fondness and warm feelings. With Gary her answer was less than enthusiastic and the interviewer even had to press and ask...so what was he to you? She made it pretty clear that at the time she hated that her mother was remarrying. A knife in the heart I think is how she put it.

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Luvsbway    2,000

Does anyone know what Gary's thoughts on the Home Movies were. I get why he wasn't included but being one of the last spouses alive when it aired I always wonder what he had to say or maybe he was smart and kept his mouth shut publically.

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Annaleigh    296

Does anyone know what Gary's thoughts on the Home Movies were. I get why he wasn't included but being one of the last spouses alive when it aired I always wonder what he had to say or maybe he was smart and kept his mouth shut publically.

Maybe he didn't see it. I would think it would be a bit hard to watch. But I don't know.

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