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Here's Lucy-2015


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I was watching an HBO show called "Girls" which won a Golden Globe as Best Comedy and a Best Comedy Actress award for Lena Dunham.  I couldn't believe this sex-filled  show, though entertaining, shared Golden Globe nomination status with "The Doris Day Show", "Family Affair" and "Here's Lucy".  So what if "Lucy" was around today and featured current celebrity guest stars?

 

Instead of "Lucy Meets the Berles", I give you "Lucy Meets the 'Girls'"

 

Guest Stars: Lena Denham and Adam Driver of “Girls”

Herbie Walton fears his granddaughter has fallen in with the wrong New York City crowd and enlists the help of Lucy and Viv who dust off their Sunset Strip hippy garb and head east, confident they can blend in with the twenty-somethings and find Herbie's granddaughter who now goes by the name “Bitchy Walton”.

They meet one of Walton's friends, Hannah (guest star Lena Dunham), and accompany her to a warehouse rave party (Lucy: “sounds ravey, whatever THAT is..”) because Hannah knows “Bitchy” will attend.

Fooled by their attire and the dim lighting coupled with machine-generated fog, the young guys are all over the new gals. Much to Hannah's chagrin, Adam in particular is taken with Lucy, who finds out that, when Adam suggests they do the “Arrow”, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the dance or archery. Meanwhile Viv gets in trouble when she professes to be “way in” to “diddly, diddly, diddly” and three guys “put the chop on that Mrs. Bagley” simultaneously. Viv: “Oh, if the members of the Garden Club could see me, I'd die of embarrassment.”

Turns out, of course, that like grandfather Herbie, Miss Walton is just writing a paper for her psychology class.

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Does anyone mistakenly take cocaine and run around Brooklyn without their pants.  Maybe go shopping in a drug store in their mesh top sans bra?

 

I don't even want to think of Adam and Lucy. Ugh that guy just creeps me out.

 

Can you tell I've watched all 3 seasons of this show?  

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Considering that this is set in 2015 are we talking centenarian Lucy and Viv or a time-hopping 60something Lucy and Viv? I'd like to think 100+ Lucy and Viv. It's funnier that way.

To me, they never aged beyond 55.  Lucy and Viv at 104 and 106 respectively is just plum ridiculous!!

 

“Lucy Aces Donald's Trump”

 

When Douglas Alamo Davidson bellows at his assistant to find him some motion pictures starring that Gina Linguini and is informed there is no such acturess, Harry loses his biggest client.

But Davidson's equally bombastic friend Donald Trump is so impressed by the sheer gall of someone who would pull such a stunt that he makes the Unique Employment Agency his go-to source and in the process saves the company from bankruptcy. However, Trump's visits to Harry “I hate his visits, but I adore his money” Carter wreak havoc with Harry's blood pressure because Donald interjects “You're Fired!!” after every third sentence. Compounding Harry's frustration is Trump's admiration for Lucy's secretarial skills, which means job security for Lucy and an ulcer for Harry.

Confident that he's got the nomination in the bag, Trump wires Harry that he needs help finding a running mate. Naturally, Harry thinks it's going to be him and prepares his acceptance speech. But much to Harry's shock, Trump instead brushes Harry aside and points his finger at Lucy: “I want YOU to be the next Vice President.”, ignoring the fact that Lucy's only previous political experience is her aborted nomination for the Girl Friday's Association presidency.

Harry: “Oh.....she's a VICE alright!”

And off they go on the campaign trail with Harry in tow: in charge of Vice-Presidential candidate Lucille Carter PR and damage control.

 

“Lucy and Katie Couric”

Harry is a nervous wreck preparing Lucy for her first national network news in-depth interview after it becomes clear to all but Trump that Lucy, despite having thwarted several spy missions, has no concept of world affairs. Lucy, however remains calm because she's got a trick up her sleeve. When Katie Couric starts the interview, Lucy launches into “Snoops the Lawyer” until Couric's camera crew runs out of tape.

Sarah Palin in a cameo, watching the interview on TV, mutters “now, why didn't I think of that?”

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To me, they never aged beyond 55.  Lucy and Viv at 104 and 106 respectively is just plum ridiculous!!

 

“Lucy Aces Donald's Trump”

 

When Douglas Alamo Davidson bellows at his assistant to find him some motion pictures starring that Gina Linguini and is informed there is no such acturess, Harry loses his biggest client.

But Davidson's equally bombastic friend Donald Trump is so impressed by the sheer gall of someone who would pull such a stunt that he makes the Unique Employment Agency his go-to source and in the process saves the company from bankruptcy. However, Trump's visits to Harry “I hate his visits, but I adore his money” Carter wreak havoc with Harry's blood pressure because Donald interjects “You're Fired!!” after every third sentence. Compounding Harry's frustration is Trump's admiration for Lucy's secretarial skills, which means job security for Lucy and an ulcer for Harry.

Confident that he's got the nomination in the bag, Trump wires Harry that he needs help finding a running mate. Naturally, Harry thinks it's going to be him and prepares his acceptance speech. But much to Harry's shock, Trump instead brushes Harry aside and points his finger at Lucy: “I want YOU to be the next Vice President.”, ignoring the fact that Lucy's only previous political experience is her aborted nomination for the Girl Friday's Association presidency.

Harry: “Oh.....she's a VICE alright!”

And off they go on the campaign trail with Harry in tow: in charge of Vice-Presidential candidate Lucille Carter PR and damage control.

 

“Lucy and Katie Couric”

Harry is a nervous wreck preparing Lucy for her first national network news in-depth interview after it becomes clear to all but Trump that Lucy, despite having thwarted several spy missions, has no concept of world affairs. Lucy, however remains calm because she's got a trick up her sleeve. When Katie Couric starts the interview, Lucy launches into “Snoops the Lawyer” until Couric's camera crew runs out of tape.

Sarah Palin in a cameo, watching the interview on TV, mutters “now, why didn't I think of that?”

 

Brilliant! :marionstrong:

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Neil, on 24 Jul 2015 - 01:24 AM, said:Neil, on 24 Jul 2015 - 01:24 AM, said:

To me, they never aged beyond 55.  Lucy and Viv at 104 and 106 respectively is just plum ridiculous!!

 

“Lucy Aces Donald's Trump”

 

When Douglas Alamo Davidson bellows at his assistant to find him some motion pictures starring that Gina Linguini and is informed there is no such acturess, Harry loses his biggest client.

But Davidson's equally bombastic friend Donald Trump is so impressed by the sheer gall of someone who would pull such a stunt that he makes the Unique Employment Agency his go-to source and in the process saves the company from bankruptcy. However, Trump's visits to Harry “I hate his visits, but I adore his money” Carter wreak havoc with Harry's blood pressure because Donald interjects “You're Fired!!” after every third sentence. Compounding Harry's frustration is Trump's admiration for Lucy's secretarial skills, which means job security for Lucy and an ulcer for Harry.

Confident that he's got the nomination in the bag, Trump wires Harry that he needs help finding a running mate. Naturally, Harry thinks it's going to be him and prepares his acceptance speech. But much to Harry's shock, Trump instead brushes Harry aside and points his finger at Lucy: “I want YOU to be the next Vice President.”, ignoring the fact that Lucy's only previous political experience is her aborted nomination for the Girl Friday's Association presidency.

Harry: “Oh.....she's a VICE alright!”

And off they go on the campaign trail with Harry in tow: in charge of Vice-Presidential candidate Lucille Carter PR and damage control.

 

“Lucy and Katie Couric”

Harry is a nervous wreck preparing Lucy for her first national network news in-depth interview after it becomes clear to all but Trump that Lucy, despite having thwarted several spy missions, has no concept of world affairs. Lucy, however remains calm because she's got a trick up her sleeve. When Katie Couric starts the interview, Lucy launches into “Snoops the Lawyer” until Couric's camera crew runs out of tape.

Sarah Palin in a cameo, watching the interview on TV, mutters “now, why didn't I think of that?”

 

:hlLOL:  :hlLOL: :hlLOL: !!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

The Couric one in particular, for me.

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"Lucy is N.G. at TXTNG"

 

Tired of Kim and Craig's constant texting dominating every family dinner, Lucy lays down the law: no more phones at the table, ever. But after would be techie Harry insists the Unique Employment Agency receive a 21st Century makeover with all new equipment, including a cellphone for Mrs. Carter to keep on hand at all times so Harry can always get in touch with her should a situation arise, she's put in a jam: how to obey Harry's orders without her kids seeing her as a hypocrite for texting at the table if Harry texts her. The first night goes off without a hitch, but the following evening's dinner is constantly interrupted by frequent beeps and trills coming from the vicinity of Lucy's stomach, arousing much suspicion from her two teenagers. She's only able to pass the noise off as gas for so long before the jig is up, but not before she "dropped" her fork 25 times to discreetly text him back under the table. It isn't long before Lucy gives in, and now all family dinners consist of more media than meals.

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"Big Red On The Great White Way"

In a moment of unusual cheerfulness, Uncle Harry invites Lucy and the kids to go to New York City with him. When they arrive at the Plaza Hotel, Lucy is shocked to discover that Viv is staying in the room right next to them. Kim meets an aspiring song writer (Robert Klein) and makes plans to go on a date with him on the very same night that Lucy and Viv have tickets to see a Broadway revival of Wildcat starring Patti Lupone. Lucy recruits Harry to go and spy on Kim during the date and give her updates on what's going on by texting her during the show. Unfortunately, Lupone sees Lucy's face illuminated in the dark audience and stops the show to yell at Lucy for not respecting her ~immense talent~. Lucy feels awful and she and Viv run out before the show is over. The next night, Lucy and Viv scheme their way into the theater to try and apologize to Patti. They end up on stage with Patti during Hey Look Me Over, where they accidentally run Wildy and Janie down with the prop car. Because of this disastrous performance, a very beleaguered Lupone retires from acting to become a part time housemaid for Bernadette Peters.

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. Meanwhile Viv gets in trouble when she professes to be “way in” to “diddly, diddly, diddly” and three guys “put the chop on that Mrs. Bagley” simultaneously. Viv: “Oh, if the members of the Garden Club could see me, I'd die of embarrassment.”

Turns out, of course, that like grandfather Herbie, Miss Walton is just writing a paper for her psychology class.

 

 

 

lol! :lucyhaha:

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"Big Red On The Great White Way"

In a moment of unusual cheerfulness, Uncle Harry invites Lucy and the kids to go to New York City with him. When they arrive at the Plaza Hotel, Lucy is shocked to discover that Viv is staying in the room right next to them. Kim meets an aspiring song writer (Robert Klein) and makes plans to go on a date with him on the very same night that Lucy and Viv have tickets to see a Broadway revival of Wildcat starring Patti Lupone. Lucy recruits Harry to go and spy on Kim during the date and give her updates on what's going on by texting her during the show. Unfortunately, Lupone sees Lucy's face illuminated in the dark audience and stops the show to yell at Lucy for not respecting her ~immense talent~. Lucy feels awful and she and Viv run out before the show is over. The next night, Lucy and Viv scheme their way into the theater to try and apologize to Patti. They end up on stage with Patti during Hey Look Me Over, where they accidentally run Wildy and Janie down with the prop car. Because of this disastrous performance, a very beleaguered Lupone retires from acting to become a part time housemaid for Bernadette Peters.

Hysterical!

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"Lucy Teaches Patti LuPone To Sing"

 

Wanting to help prepare LuPone for a big comeback after the disastrous Wildcat performance, Lucy foists herself on The Long Island Foghorn to get her voice back in shape and, with the aid of Dr. Gitterman, teach her how to sing...ahem...differently. Unfortunately, Gitterman's exercises only seem to exacerbate Patti's vocal idiosyncrasies.

 

"I'd tell you to chew your tongue and hum but it sounds like you do that already."

 

In the end, Lucy joins Patti for a rousing rendition of "Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)," each proving the other wrong.

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"Don't Cry For Patti, Mr. Webber"

Harry recommends Patti to Dr. Cunningham (Parley Baer), who tries to help her get over her unnatural hatred of audiences. Thanks to Lupone's hours of therapy, she emerges a changed woman, who shocks the Carters by acting like a civilized person. Lucy leverages the star's newfound kindness by asking her to put on a benefit show to raise money to build a second gym at Kim's high school. The show goes on without a hitch until Patti hears an audience member say "Uh oh". Everything comes to a halt, everyone takes their money back, and Patti is on the skids once again.

 

In a subplot, Lucy saves an elderly woman (Ruth McDevitt) from oncoming traffic by pushing her out of the way.

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"Don't Cry For Patti, Mr. Webber"

Harry recommends Patti to Dr. Cunningham (Parley Baer), who tries to help her get over her unnatural hatred of audiences. Thanks to Lupone's hours of therapy, she emerges a changed woman, who shocks the Carters by acting like a civilized person. Lucy leverages the star's newfound kindness by asking her to put on a benefit show to raise money to build a second gym at Kim's high school. The show goes on without a hitch until Patti hears an audience member say "Uh oh". Everything comes to a halt, everyone takes their money back, and Patti is on the skids once again.

In a subplot, Lucy saves an elderly woman (Ruth McDevitt) from oncoming traffic by pushing her out of the way.

LMFAO! I love how this has suddenly turned into "Here's Patti."

 

Uh-oh lady: Glenn Close

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"Big Red On The Great White Way"

In a moment of unusual cheerfulness, Uncle Harry invites Lucy and the kids to go to New York City with him. When they arrive at the Plaza Hotel, Lucy is shocked to discover that Viv is staying in the room right next to them. Kim meets an aspiring song writer (Robert Klein) and makes plans to go on a date with him on the very same night that Lucy and Viv have tickets to see a Broadway revival of Wildcat starring Patti Lupone. Lucy recruits Harry to go and spy on Kim during the date and give her updates on what's going on by texting her during the show. Unfortunately, Lupone sees Lucy's face illuminated in the dark audience and stops the show to yell at Lucy for not respecting her ~immense talent~. Lucy feels awful and she and Viv run out before the show is over. The next night, Lucy and Viv scheme their way into the theater to try and apologize to Patti. They end up on stage with Patti during Hey Look Me Over, where they accidentally run Wildy and Janie down with the prop car. Because of this disastrous performance, a very beleaguered Lupone retires from acting to become a part time housemaid for Bernadette Peters.

TOoooo funny.

----they accidentally run Wildy and Janie down with the prop car.-----

Now Wildy and Jane BOTH have lame sisters!

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"Lucy Teaches Patti LuPone To Sing"

 

Wanting to help prepare LuPone for a big comeback after the disastrous Wildcat performance, Lucy foists herself on The Long Island Foghorn to get her voice back in shape and, with the aid of Dr. Gitterman, teach her how to sing...ahem...differently. Unfortunately, Gitterman's exercises only seem to exacerbate Patti's vocal idiosyncrasies.

 

"I'd tell you to chew your tongue and hum but it sounds like you do that already."

 

In the end, Lucy joins Patti for a rousing rendition of "Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)," each proving the other wrong.

Lucy: I can teach you to sing like Patty Lupone in 5 minutes.

Patty: ONLY 5 minutes???

Lucy: Sure, all you have to do is flare your nostrils, curl your upper lip and shake your head until some vibrato comes out.

 

And in their "Anything You Can Do..."

Patty: Any face you can make, I can look scarier.

Lucy: I........well, I concede on that one.

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Lucy: I can teach you to sing like Patty Lupone in 5 minutes.

Patty: ONLY 5 minutes???

Lucy: Sure, all you have to do is flare your nostrils, curl your upper lip and shake your head until some vibrato comes out.

 

And in their "Anything You Can Do..."

Patty: Any face you can make, I can look scarier.

Lucy: I........well, I concede on that one.

:D!!!!!

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"Lucy's Big Shake"

While trying to stay hip and with it, Lucy and Harry take dancing lessons from special guest star Nicki Minaj. While practicing their twerking at home, both Lucy and Harry dislocate their hips and must spend the week bedridden with Mary Jane, Vanda, and Kim taking care of them.

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Lucy and Liza Minnelli are Hospital Roomies

While Harry makes a good recovery and is back doing cartwheels in no time, Lucy's hip is taking a bit longer to heel. It's decided the best course of action is to go into the hospital for a hip replacement where, after a string of dud roommates, Liza Minnelli shows up to have her last real joint below the waist replaced with its titanium equivalent. Lucy is beside herself with excitement and phones Harry to relay the gossip. Soon, it's all over town with Mary Jane showing up with a batch of hash brownies for Liza (and some burnt ones for Lucille) and Harry coming over to propose marriage and management to the recovering artist.

 

Lucy: What makes you think Liza Minnelli, an Academy Award winning actress and acclaimed singer, would even give you a second look, Harry?

Harry: Have you seen the last guy she gave a second look?

 

It turns out, however, that Liza does her best work lying flat on her back. In no time, Lucy has watched her record an album (with her contributions to the tracks politely rebuffed), sketch out an entire line of spangled, flowing garments for every woman with an inner Liza, and creating a new jewellery line out of makeshift clay devised out of congealed hospital rice pudding. When Kim comes by the hospital, Liza eagerly shows the young modern her designs to see if they're hip enough -- so to speak -- with today's crowd. They're not, but when Kim asks Liza while all the clothes in her sketches are modelled by a redhead, Liza realizes her roomie has actually been her muse and the two devise a plan -- wheelchairs be damned -- to kit QVC together to hawk their crap.

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Lucy's D-List Replacement

 

Tired of Lucy's many late mornings and days off, Harry tells her that if she misses one more day of work this year, she's fired. This puts Lucy in a real bind when she comes down with the flu and requires a week of bed rest. Trying to come up with a plan while flipping channels (700 channels of nothing but SMUT and GARBAGE, she decries), she stumbles across a stand-up act on Bravo by another loud-mouthed, raspy voiced redhead, and the lightbulb goes on. After promising her that the Bravo secret cameras can record everything for a new special, Lucy kicks back to recover while Kathy Griffin impersonates Lucy for the following week, making Harry vow to give Lucy as much time off in the future as she wants.

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Lucy and Liza Minnelli are Hospital Roomies

While Harry makes a good recovery and is back doing cartwheels in no time, Lucy's hip is taking a bit longer to heel. It's decided the best course of action is to go into the hospital for a hip replacement where, after a string of dud roommates, Liza Minnelli shows up to have her last real joint below the waist replaced with its titanium equivalent. Lucy is beside herself with excitement and phones Harry to relay the gossip. Soon, it's all over town with Mary Jane showing up with a batch of hash brownies for Liza (and some burnt ones for Lucille) and Harry coming over to propose marriage and management to the recovering artist.

 

Lucy: What makes you think Liza Minnelli, an Academy Award winning actress and acclaimed singer, would even give you a second look, Harry?

Harry: Have you seen the last guy she gave a second look?

 

It turns out, however, that Liza does her best work lying flat on her back. In no time, Lucy has watched her record an album (with her contributions to the tracks politely rebuffed), sketch out an entire line of spangled, flowing garments for every woman with an inner Liza, and creating a new jewellery line out of makeshift clay devised out of congealed hospital rice pudding. When Kim comes by the hospital, Liza eagerly shows the young modern her designs to see if they're hip enough -- so to speak -- with today's crowd. They're not, but when Kim asks Liza while all the clothes in her sketches are modelled by a redhead, Liza realizes her roomie has actually been her muse and the two devise a plan -- wheelchairs be damned -- to kit QVC together to hawk their crap.

Let's throw in a gag where Lucy knocks over several racks of red sequined Halston gowns.

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Lucy and Liza Minnelli are Hospital Roomies

While Harry makes a good recovery and is back doing cartwheels in no time, Lucy's hip is taking a bit longer to heel. It's decided the best course of action is to go into the hospital for a hip replacement where, after a string of dud roommates, Liza Minnelli shows up to have her last real joint below the waist replaced with its titanium equivalent. Lucy is beside herself with excitement and phones Harry to relay the gossip. Soon, it's all over town with Mary Jane showing up with a batch of hash brownies for Liza (and some burnt ones for Lucille) and Harry coming over to propose marriage and management to the recovering artist.

 

Lucy: What makes you think Liza Minnelli, an Academy Award winning actress and acclaimed singer, would even give you a second look, Harry?

Harry: Have you seen the last guy she gave a second look?

 

It turns out, however, that Liza does her best work lying flat on her back. :vanda: .....!!!

:desijr: :desijr: :desijr:  This entire post is....priceless!! Bravo, Boss! :peachonthebeach: :peachonthebeach: :peachonthebeach:

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