Neil Posted July 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 And Patty's solo would be "Lippy, Lippy Nose" Lucy: I can teach you to sing like Patty Lupone in 5 minutes. Patty: ONLY 5 minutes??? Lucy: Sure, all you have to do is flare your nostrils, curl your upper lip and shake your head until some vibrato comes out. And in their "Anything You Can Do..." Patty: Any face you can make, I can look scarier. Lucy: I........well, I concede on that one. The following: priceless! Lucy and Liza Minnelli are Hospital Roomies While Harry makes a good recovery and is back doing cartwheels in no time, Lucy's hip is taking a bit longer to heel. It's decided the best course of action is to go into the hospital for a hip replacement where, after a string of dud roommates, Liza Minnelli shows up to have her last real joint below the waist replaced with its titanium equivalent. Lucy is beside herself with excitement and phones Harry to relay the gossip. Soon, it's all over town with Mary Jane showing up with a batch of hash brownies for Liza (and some burnt ones for Lucille) and Harry coming over to propose marriage and management to the recovering artist. Lucy: What makes you think Liza Minnelli, an Academy Award winning actress and acclaimed singer, would even give you a second look, Harry? Harry: Have you seen the last guy she gave a second look? It turns out, however, that Liza does her best work lying flat on her back. In no time, Lucy has watched her record an album (with her contributions to the tracks politely rebuffed), sketch out an entire line of spangled, flowing garments for every woman with an inner Liza, and creating a new jewellery line out of makeshift clay devised out of congealed hospital rice pudding. When Kim comes by the hospital, Liza eagerly shows the young modern her designs to see if they're hip enough -- so to speak -- with today's crowd. They're not, but when Kim asks Liza while all the clothes in her sketches are modelled by a redhead, Liza realizes her roomie has actually been her muse and the two devise a plan -- wheelchairs be damned -- to kit QVC together to hawk their crap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted July 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 "Here We Go, LuPoLu" Patty Lupone and Lucille Carter decide to form their own company, Lupolu Productions. Patty is anxious to recapture the magic (not to mention the financial windfall) of her Tony award winning performance in "Gypsy", and writes a musical about the rise to stardom of actress Lucille Ball, appropriating the "Gypsy" score with just enough change to avoid paying any royalties. Lucille Carter naturally assumes, since she was the winner of the Mai Oui Lucille Ball lookalike contest, that she will play the lead, but Patty nabs it and gives Lucy gets small part of the mother. (Lucy: "That little lamb has more lines than I do.") Lucy then conspires with Andrew Lloyd Weber to do a rewrite behind Patty's back making the mother the focal point of the production. Songs: "You'll Never Steal a Scene From Me" "Have an Eggroll, Mr. Cohn" "Everything's Coming Up" (scene after Cohn eats rancid eggroll) "You Gotta Have a Grimace" "Dede's Turn" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted July 26, 2015 Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 "Here We Go, LuPoLu" Patty Lupone and Lucille Carter decide to form their own company, Lupolu Productions. Patty is anxious to recapture the magic (not to mention the financial windfall) of her Tony award winning performance in "Gypsy", and writes a musical about the rise to stardom of actress Lucille Ball, appropriating the "Gypsy" score with just enough change to avoid paying any royalties. Lucille Carter naturally assumes, since she was the winner of the Mai Oui Lucille Ball lookalike contest, that she will play the lead, but Patty nabs it and gives Lucy gets small part of the mother. (Lucy: "That little lamb has more lines than I do.") Lucy then conspires with Andrew Lloyd Weber to do a rewrite behind Patty's back making the mother the focal point of the production. Songs: "You'll Never Steal a Scene From Me" "Have an Eggroll, Mr. Cohn" "Everything's Coming Up" (scene after Cohn eats rancid eggroll) "You Gotta Have a Grimace" "Dede's Turn" OMG yes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted July 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 "The Return of Juan Jose" Despite Donald's claim that he has thousands of Mexicans working for him and they all love him*, the Trump-Carter ticket is still trailing miserably in the polls among Latinos. None of Donald's Latino employees will come forward to profess their love, so Lucy goes back into that Hal King trunk for her "Juan Jose" outfit while Trump arranges a carpet-cleaning photo op. Not only does the ploy work, it starts a fashion trend among Mexican-American male laborers of wearing deep blue eye shadow, thick mascara and ruby-red over-painted lipstick. *an actual quote 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickie Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Id love to see the return of Juan Jose - always loved him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted July 29, 2015 Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 LucyTube Lucy calls in sick because she feels like a fun day off and winds up having a few too many before happy hour is even close. Craig whips out his cellphone and records one of his mother's patented drunk bits for posterity. But when he accidentally uploads the video to YouTube and it winds up going viral, scoring more viewers than "Lucy Goes to the Hospital," Lucy must do all she can to prevent trendy Harry from getting linked to it, even if it means uploading Harry's pageant walk for ammunition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted July 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 LucyTube Lucy calls in sick because she feels like a fun day off and winds up having a few too many before happy hour is even close. Craig whips out his cellphone and records one of his mother's patented drunk bits for posterity. But when he accidentally uploads the video to YouTube and it winds up going viral, scoring more viewers than "Lucy Goes to the Hospital," Lucy must do all she can to prevent trendy Harry from getting linked to it, even if it means uploading Harry's pageant walk for ammunition. Great...... "Trump Bombs Main Street Off the Map" Noting that Bancroft is once again the target of a freeway bulldozing, Lucy convinces Donald that another musical rally would be great for connecting the billionaire to the common man. When her main attraction John Bubbles cancels at the last minute, her ill-advised solution is to dress Harry up as the real thing, using the costume and make-up he wore for their number at last year's Kiwana's Minstrel Capers. However, on the eve of the big day, Trump blows his stack when he discovers the paving company awarded the no-bid "Level Bancroft" contract is one of his own subsidiaries. Too late to call off the rally, Trump employes desperate measures (see title). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted August 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 "Lucy is Wicked in 'Wicked'" Professor Gitterman nixes "Volunteer Vanities" yet again, this time in favor of a production of "Wicked". Lucy and Viv both vie for the role of Glinda. Viv's singing audition outshines Lucy, who after a couple of belts of tonic to calm her nerves, blows her audition when she mispronounces the title of the show's big hit song: "Poopular". Lucy sighs "Where do I go to get my skin tinted?" assuming she's got the Elsaba role. But that one goes to Frannie because the prop department doesn't have access to a prosthetic nose and Lucy is relegated to the part of "Flying Monkey #3". When on opening night Frannie gets woozie, Lucy goes on instead; and they change the lyrics to the show's other big hit to fit Lucy's voice: "Defying Gravelly". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted August 11, 2015 Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 Neil, on 11 Aug 2015 - 3:50 PM, said: "Lucy is Wicked in 'Wicked'" Professor Gitterman nixes "Volunteer Vanities" yet again, this time in favor of a production of "Wicked". Lucy and Viv both vie for the role of Glinda. Viv's singing audition outshines Lucy, who after a couple of belts of tonic to calm her nerves, blows her audition when she mispronounces the title of the show's big hit song: "Poopular". Lucy sighs "Where do I go to get my skin tinted?" assuming she's got the Elsaba role. But that one goes to Frannie because the prop department doesn't have access to a prosthetic nose and Lucy is relegated to the part of "Flying Monkey #3". When on opening night Frannie gets woozie, Lucy goes on instead; and they change the lyrics to the show's other big hit to fit Lucy's voice: "Defying Gravelly". I absolutely loathe that show, but this is one production I'd watch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddie2 Posted August 11, 2015 Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 I absolutely loathe that show, but this is one production I'd watch.Same here- I barely know anything about it, but can picture it perfectly in my mind! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddie2 Posted August 11, 2015 Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 "Lucy's Big Shake" While trying to stay hip and with it, Lucy and Harry take dancing lessons from special guest star Nicki Minaj. While practicing their twerking at home, both Lucy and Harry dislocate their hips and must spend the week bedridden with Mary Jane, Vanda, and Kim taking care of them. Alternate title: "Lucy's Booty Bounces" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeySanJoaquin Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Alternate title: "Lucy's Booty Bounces" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted August 13, 2015 Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 Liberace Stalks Craig After performing together, Liberace sends Craig a Facebook friend request. Craig accepts, but immediately regrets this after Lib likes all 1,167 photos of him and comments on more than half of them. Craig is then inundated with endless FarmVille and Candy Crush Saga invites, plus frequent pokes and private messages. He finally resorts to blocking Lib, which leads to a flurry of angry texts and voicemails. Craig eventually has no choice but to enter the witness protection program, forcing him to leave the series. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddie2 Posted August 13, 2015 Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 Liberace Stalks Craig After performing together, Liberace sends Craig a Facebook friend request. Craig accepts, but immediately regrets this after Lib likes all 1,167 photos of him and comments on more than half of them. Craig is then inundated with endless FarmVille and Candy Crush Saga invites, plus frequent pokes and private messages. He finally resorts to blocking Lib, which leads to a flurry of angry texts and voicemails. Craig eventually has no choice but to enter the witness protection program, forcing him to leave the series. We had a gym teacher who did that once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted August 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 We had a gym teacher who did that once. ??? Did you start the whole thing by borrowing the teacher's candelabra? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddie2 Posted August 13, 2015 Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 ??? Did you start the whole thing by borrowing the teacher's candelabra? Actually it was some girls, not me. And they started it by agreeing to go see the dog that he kept in his office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted August 13, 2015 Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 It sounds like you live in a most unusual place. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddie2 Posted August 14, 2015 Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 It sounds like you live in a most unusual place.Mr. Morland wasn't sent to prison but he can't go within 500 feet of the school. It is VERY unusual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted March 22, 2016 Report Share Posted March 22, 2016 Lucy the 21st Century Crusader - Lucy buys Craig a new iPod for his birthday which unfortunately turns out to be faulty. Returning it to the Apple Store, Lucy is chagrined to learn from the hipster tech team member (Charles Nelson Riley, of course) that a new policy requires all repairs to be administered by the manufacturing plant. Unwilling to travel to Asia just for that, she enlists her friends to launch a social media campaign, #PoisonApple, to make them see reason. Things get awkward when she learns that Harry is now a major Apple stockholder. Lucy & Viv Visit Havana - With relations between Cuba and the United States starting to improve, Lucy and Viv decide to take a holiday in Havana. After meeting up with two eligible bachelors, the Bacardi brothers (Desi Arnaz and Cesar Romero), the girls ask for a tour of the rum factory. Naturally, Lucy falls into the vat and Viv must run to the cigar factory across the road for help. The friction of her shoes on the floor creates a spark which ignites the entire factory, rendering the air a non-smokers nightmare, completely ruining any goodwill President Obama had obtained while sending the country into yet another revolution. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvsbway Posted March 22, 2016 Report Share Posted March 22, 2016 Love these. Very timely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2016 Love these. Very timely. Me Too.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeySanJoaquin Posted March 23, 2016 Report Share Posted March 23, 2016 Lucy the 21st Century Crusader - Lucy buys Craig a new iPod for his birthday which unfortunately turns out to be faulty. Returning it to the Apple Store, Lucy is chagrined to learn from the hipster tech team member (Charles Nelson Riley, of course) that a new policy requires all repairs to be administered by the manufacturing plant. Unwilling to travel to Asia just for that, she enlists her friends to launch a social media campaign, #PoisonApple, to make them see reason. Things get awkward when she learns that Harry is now a major Apple stockholder. Lucy & Viv Visit Havana - With relations between Cuba and the United States starting to improve, Lucy and Viv decide to take a holiday in Havana. After meeting up with two eligible bachelors, the Bacardi brothers (Desi Arnaz and Cesar Romero), the girls ask for a tour of the rum factory. Naturally, Lucy falls into the vat and Viv must run to the cigar factory across the road for help. The friction of her shoes on the floor creates a spark which ignites the entire factory, rendering the air a non-smokers nightmare, completely ruining any goodwill President Obama had obtained while sending the country into yet another revolution. Oh, Brian, you're head must be WUNDAFULly warped space!! So clever. ("...the friction of her shoes on the floor creates a spark which ignites the entire factory.."??? :blink: ) I get a big kick out of reading these while picturing BR, CNR, GG and all the others shuffling around with canes, walkers with those fuzzy neon green golf balls on the "feet" and trying to read the cue cards with "readers" over their regular glasses!! Thanks for inspiring such "visuals"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted October 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2016 "Lucy and Anthony Weiner"* Guest star Anthony Weiner regrets letting Lucy and Viv volunteer for his campaign after they have the wrong photo blown up and paste it to his "Vote for Weiner" billboard overlooking Santa Monica Blvd. (even though his poll numbers spike in that particular neighborhood) *and yes, it took a lot of maturity but I resisted entitling this one "Lucy and Anthony's Weiner" ala "Lucy Cuts Vincent's Price". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted October 5, 2016 Report Share Posted October 5, 2016 "Lucy and Anthony Weiner"* Guest star Anthony Weiner regrets letting Lucy and Viv volunteer for his campaign after they have the wrong photo blown up and paste it to his "Vote for Weiner" billboard overlooking Santa Monica Blvd. (even though his poll numbers spike in that particular neighborhood) *and yes, it took a lot of maturity but I resisted entitling this one "Lucy and Anthony's Weiner" ala "Lucy Cuts Vincent's Price". That's great! LMAO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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