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Failed Pilots from LBP

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JoeySoCal    1,017

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LITTLE ETHEL? - 1962

Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance reprise their famous characters from "I Love Lucy" with a shocking new twist. Faded child star and vaudevillian Ethel Mertz and discontent former housewife Lucy Ricardo, both recently widowed after an unfortunate chicken coop incident claimed both Fred and Ricky, attempt to relaunch their aborted showbusiness careers. Ethel is furious when Lucy's career takes off without Ricky to hold her back, whereas people have little interest in "Little Ethel" now that she's all grown up and no longer has her vaudeville partner by her side. Resorting to cheap liquor and cheap men (and cheap glue) to soothe her battered soul, a growing bitterness takes hold of Ethel until she can't stand to look her former best friend in the eye. Lucy grows to resent Ethel's increasing paranoia and jealousy as well, until finally, in a drunken haze, a horrible car crash confines Lucy to a wheelchair - Ethel's situational driving skills being in the off-phase this particular day.

"But 'cha ah, Lucy. Ya AH in the chayah!"

For the next 20 years, she's at the mercy of Little Ethel's madness and instability, being fed snails (again) and rats sautéed in the basement furnace, culminating in a gourmet dinner with Fred the dog as the main course. The old freezer, meanwhile, becomes the final resting place for all the chickens. Little Ethel is now completely lost in her own world, singing "Shortnin'' Bread" over and over while gazing into the full-length mirror, dressed head-to-toe in an Indian dress with matching Eskimo coat and Geisha wig. Longing for a comeback, she eventually hires Little Ricky to write her a vehicle. Thinking his mother died in the accident, he is unaware that she is being kept out of sight in the next room, drugged into a stupor by being force-fed Vitametavegamin. Will he be able uncover the truth and save his beloved mother before the old dishwater blonde lowers the boom on her once and for all?

This 2-hour TV movie, intended as a pilot for an "I Love Lucy" sequel series, granted Vivian Vance her wish to make Ethel deeper...and darker. The controversial direction the story took, however, led to its demise after a single outing.

Genius!
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Mot Morenzi    1,551

I'm bored, so what the hell...

Supersnob - Doris Singleton stars as sweet, mild-mannered Lillian Appleby, but remove her glasses and she becomes...Caroline Appleby, Supersnob! Wherever there's furniture to be critiqued or gossip to be spread, Supersnob is but a hop, skip and a blab away. With Shirley Mitchell as Marion Strong, who is completely fooled by the glasses and never suspects her two best friends are actually her only friend.

Kiss the Cook - Carole Cook stars as ruthless, entrepreneurial homemaker Martha Cook, who's sweet as honey television persona is completely at odds with her tyrannical backstage behavior. Martha's world comes crashing down when the police discover she's been juggling the books for years, and she must repay her debt to society by becoming the head cook at a women's prison. Featuring (who else?) Iris Adrian and Jody Gilbert.

The Barra Exam - A sitcom exploring the life of no-nonsense Judge Vanda, whose sharp-tongued quips and barbs sting every schlub in the Bronx unlucky enough to approach her bench.

Fred, Fred and Freddie - Fred Mertz teams up with Fred MacMurry and Freddie the Freeloader to tour the country and bring back vaudeville. Things don't go as planned.

The Sid Show - Sid Gould plays a "fictionalized" version of himself as a struggling, desperate wannabe trying to make it in Hollywood. Co-Starring Janos Prohaska as Binky, his gorilla roommate, who's always getting Sid sick with Peeper-Poopers.

Our Miss Snooks - Fanny Brice returns as her most famous character, now grown-up and a Kindgergarten Teacher. Brice also portrays all of the pupils.

Adventures of a Mermaid - After the failure of Maggie Brown, LBP attempts to capitalize on the 60s fantasy craze by casting Ethel Merman as Ethel Mermaid, undersea's biggest singing star. Merman angrily storms out after the censors declare the fish tale costume must conceal her naval. Eventually re-tooled into a vehicle for Joanne Dru that also fails to sell.

 

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Brock    3,385

These are wondaful! While I particularly love the ideas for Mr. and Mrs. Gould, Our Miss Snooks is brilliant -- and it could have worked. 

 

And :( at Marion's only friend. lol

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JoeySoCal    1,017
On 9/18/2017 at 2:10 AM, Mot Morenzi said:

I'm bored, so what the hell...

Supersnob - Doris Singleton stars as sweet, mild-mannered Lillian Appleby, but remove her glasses and she becomes...Caroline Appleby, Supersnob! Wherever there's furniture to be critiqued or gossip to be spread, Supersnob is but a hop, skip and a blab away. With Shirley Mitchell as Marion Strong, who is completely fooled by the glasses and never suspects her two best friends are actually her only friend.

Kiss the Cook - Carole Cook stars as ruthless, entrepreneurial homemaker Martha Cook, who's sweet as honey television persona is completely at odds with her tyrannical backstage behavior. Martha's world comes crashing down when the police discover she's been juggling the books for years, and she must repay her debt to society by becoming the head cook at a women's prison. Featuring (who else?) Iris Adrian and Jody Gilbert.

The Barra Exam - A sitcom exploring the life of no-nonsense Judge Vanda, whose sharp-tongued quips and barbs sting every schlub in the Bronx unlucky enough to approach her bench.

Fred, Fred and Freddie - Fred Mertz teams up with Fred MacMurry and Freddie the Freeloader to tour the country and bring back vaudeville. Things don't go as planned.

The Sid Show - Sid Gould plays a "fictionalized" version of himself as a struggling, desperate wannabe trying to make it in Hollywood. Co-Starring Janos Prohaska as Binky, his gorilla roommate, who's always getting Sid sick with Peeper-Poopers.

Our Miss Snooks - Fanny Brice returns as her most famous character, now grown-up and a Kindgergarten Teacher. Brice also portrays all of the pupils.

Adventures of a Mermaid - After the failure of Maggie Brown, LBP attempts to capitalize on the 60s fantasy craze by casting Ethel Merman as Ethel Mermaid, undersea's biggest singing star. Merman angrily storms out after the censors declare the fish tale costume must conceal her naval. Eventually re-tooled into a vehicle for Joanne Dru that also fails to sell.

 

Brilliant as always, Brian! Love so much but maybe especially "Brice also portrays all of the pupils"! :HALKING:

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Freddie2    858

Neither, It's Eve Arden (1967)

This satire of the sitcom business (predating The Comeback) was produced at the tail end of Desilu Productions' existence, but before its leading lady joining Desi Arnaz Productions. Filmed in a mockumentary style, Eve Arden portrays a fictional version of herself; a down-and-out, past her prime comedienne who is struggling to produce and star in her own sitcom against a rapidly changing cultural landscape. Eve, who likes sitcoms in the old-school style, frequently clashes with network head Mr. Goldaper (Gary Morton), who wants the show to appeal to a young, progressive audience. Unfortunately, his idea of "hip" is to have Rudy Vallee guest star and sing a synthesized version of The Whiffenpoof Song through a megaphone. A recurring gag has Eve and her casting director/gal pal Marta (Vanda Barra) in a constant flux to try and find a good second banana for Eve. The Wannabe Ethels parade through the show like Murphy Brown's secretaries. Eventually, Eve gets the bright idea to give Marta the job. While Mr. Goldaper wants only youth, Eve isn't afraid to acknowledge her age. One planned episode revolved around the argument of whether Eve's character should be a mother or a grandmother, with Eve rallying behind being a grandmother. An eventual compromise was reached, with the character being written as a grandmother, but Eve being forced to dye her hair in an attempt to look "younger". Another progressive story was to focus on a hippie gaffer being accused of lacing the food at the craft services table with LSD. The episode was to conclude with a twist ending in which the true culprit was revealed to be Caterer #3 (Sid Gould).

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Mot Morenzi    1,551
17 minutes ago, Freddie2 said:

Neither, It's Eve Arden (1967)

This satire of the sitcom business (predating The Comeback) was produced at the tail end of Desilu Productions' existence, but before its leading lady joining Desi Arnaz Productions. Filmed in a mockumentary style, Eve Arden portrays a fictional version of herself; a down-and-out, past her prime comedienne who is struggling to produce and star in her own sitcom against a rapidly changing cultural landscape. Eve, who likes sitcoms in the old-school style, frequently clashes with network head Mr. Goldaper (Gary Morton), who wants the show to appeal to a young, progressive audience. Unfortunately, his idea of "hip" is to have Rudy Vallee guest star and sing a synthesized version of The Whiffenpoof Song through a megaphone. A recurring gag has Eve and her casting director/gal pal Marta (Vanda Barra) in a constant flux to try and find a good second banana for Eve. The Wannabe Ethels parade through the show like Murphy Brown's secretaries. Eventually, Eve gets the bright idea to give Marta the job. While Mr. Goldaper wants only youth, Eve isn't afraid to acknowledge her age. One planned episode revolved around the argument of whether Eve's character should be a mother or a grandmother, with Eve rallying behind being a grandmother. An eventual compromise was reached, with the character being written as a grandmother, but Eve being forced to dye her hair in an attempt to look "younger". Another progressive story was to focus on a hippie gaffer being accused of lacing the food at the craft services table with LSD. The episode was to conclude with a twist ending in which the true culprit was revealed to be Caterer #3 (Sid Gould).

This is spectacular. What a great idea, and so many LOL moments!

Hippie Gaffer - Michael J. Pollard

Another recurring plot could involve Goldaper's frequent attempts to foist gorillas onto the show, in order to keep his cousin Janos employed and out of his basement.

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Freddie2    858
1 hour ago, Mot Morenzi said:

 

Hippie Gaffer - Michael J. Pollard

You aren’t going to believe this, but when I first wrote the post, I actually had Michael J. Pollard as the Hippie Gaffer!!! When I went back through to “trim” my paragraph, I got rid of the casting thinking it might be too loose of a reference. Sometimes I forget the smarties I’m dealing with on here! I guess great minds do think alike:gale2:

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Mot Morenzi    1,551
8 hours ago, Freddie2 said:

You aren’t going to believe this, but when I first wrote the post, I actually had Michael J. Pollard as the Hippie Gaffer!!! When I went back through to “trim” my paragraph, I got rid of the casting thinking it might be too loose of a reference. Sometimes I forget the smarties I’m dealing with on here! I guess great minds do think alike:gale2:

I figured he was who you had in mind :)

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Neil    1,366
On 3/8/2018 at 1:35 PM, Freddie2 said:

Neither, It's Eve Arden (1967)

This satire of the sitcom business (predating The Comeback) was produced at the tail end of Desilu Productions' existence, but before its leading lady joining Desi Arnaz Productions. Filmed in a mockumentary style, Eve Arden portrays a fictional version of herself; a down-and-out, past her prime comedienne who is struggling to produce and star in her own sitcom against a rapidly changing cultural landscape. Eve, who likes sitcoms in the old-school style, frequently clashes with network head Mr. Goldaper (Gary Morton), who wants the show to appeal to a young, progressive audience. Unfortunately, his idea of "hip" is to have Rudy Vallee guest star and sing a synthesized version of The Whiffenpoof Song through a megaphone. A recurring gag has Eve and her casting director/gal pal Marta (Vanda Barra) in a constant flux to try and find a good second banana for Eve. The Wannabe Ethels parade through the show like Murphy Brown's secretaries. Eventually, Eve gets the bright idea to give Marta the job. While Mr. Goldaper wants only youth, Eve isn't afraid to acknowledge her age. One planned episode revolved around the argument of whether Eve's character should be a mother or a grandmother, with Eve rallying behind being a grandmother. An eventual compromise was reached, with the character being written as a grandmother, but Eve being forced to dye her hair in an attempt to look "younger". Another progressive story was to focus on a hippie gaffer being accused of lacing the food at the craft services table with LSD. The episode was to conclude with a twist ending in which the true culprit was revealed to be Caterer #3 (Sid Gould).

Just saw this:  a HOOT!  In one episode, Eve could join Judy Holladay and Shelly Winters recreating The Andrews Sisters

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Mot Morenzi    1,551

The Goldwyn Girls - Four former showbiz gals (Barbara Pepper, Ann Sothern, Paulette Goddard and Betty Grable) share a Malibu beach house while trying to rekindle their burned out careers. Featuring special appearances by Lucille Ball as their agent, Esmeralda Morton.

Baer Breasts - A comedic yet sympathetic look at the life of a man (Parley Baer) struggling with gynecomastia.

Witch Hazel - Hazel Pierce brings the popular Looney Tunes character to life in this blatant Bewitched knockoff.

Manny Petty - William Lanteau stars as Manny Petty, who runs a salon in West Hollywood. Co-starring Paul Lynde as his “assistant” Chuck. With Ruta Lee and Joi Lansing as Sable and Sasha, the shampoo girls.

Hold the Mayo - Virginia Mayo plays a waitress at a greasy spoon in Queens, where she shares laughter, tears and leftovers with her co-workers – Margaret Hamilton, Iris Adrian, Kathleen Freeman and Rhea Perlman.

Small Screen Queens - Bette Davis and Tallulah Bankhead play longtime showbiz enemies Cora Devine and Scarlett Sanders, who grudgingly agree to work together after signing onto the same series. Disaster ensues week after week, with a revolving door of directors (Lou Krugman, Herbert Rudley, Gale Gordon, etc.) having nervous breakdowns. Eventually discovered that no scripts were required, so retooled into world’s first reality show.

The Mary Jane Croft Show - A sitcom about triplets – haughty, sophisticated Harriet; mild-mannered homemaker June; and kooky, easily excitable Marge. Their personalities as different as their voices, the three must learn to get along after June and Marge get divorced, forcing them to move into Harriet’s penthouse, turning her high-society world on its head. As the neutral sister, June must act as peacemaker. Fortunately, Marge can always be distracted with chocolate chip cookies and Lawrence Welk reruns, but even a staff of 10 would struggle to keep Harriet happy. If anyone can handle them, June can.

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Mot Morenzi    1,551

Hope and Pray - Bob Hope plays a one-liner spouting priest at a highly dysfunctional church, where confessions turn into block comedy scenes. Featuring Ruth McDevitt as the absent minded organist.

I’ve Got it Maid - Vanda Hopkins (Barra) and Eileen Franks (Brennan) are, respectively, the downstairs and upstairs maids of wealthy socialite Eleanor Blaisdel (Audley), who start off as rivals but eventually join forces to pull numerous pranks on their haughty boss. Also joining in the fun are the cook, Kathleen Baker (Freeman), and Eleanor’s less well-off sister Ruth (Perrott), who also live in the house. With guest appearances by Mickey Rooney and Lucille Ball as Ichirou and Toshi Yamaguchi, Eleanor’s Japanese gardeners.

Blondells Have More Fun - Joan and Gloria play fictionalized versions of themselves who, upon seeing their showbiz careers drying up, resort to drastic measures to get attention. Wild parties, cheap booze, cheaper men, and talking smack about their least favorite costars to documentary filmmakers soon become their bread and butter. (Desilu President Lucille Ball, upon seeing the ratings, pulls an imaginary toilet chain and flushes the show away.)

Faulty Towers - Herbert Rudley and Lou Krugman star as construction tycoon brothers Kent and Ron Grossman, whose lives and careers come crashing down (literally) when their latest series of office towers all collapse due to structural failure. Each facing prison sentences due to negligence, the brothers must adjust to life behind bars and ingratiate themselves with both the warden (Gale Gordon) and their fellow inmates – Tubbs (Tim Conway), who was getting rid of some paper; Tiny (Alan Hale), who used to rough people up for a living; and Hard Head Hogan (Iris Adrian), a former bouncer so terrifying that no women’s prison would take her.

Mildred Fierce! - Joan Crawford stars as gay icon Mildred Davis. Despite being past her prime and forgotten by Hollywood, her loyal following of fairies (Paul Lynde, William Lanteau, Charles Nelson Riley, R.G. Brown, Herbert Kenwith) remain as devoted as ever, and help her stay active in summer stock, drag reviews and bath houses.

Private Ai Yai Yai - Desi Arnaz stars as Jose Romero, owner of a private detective agency, with a stable of oddball detectives who give him more headaches than results. Featuring Imogene Coca as Daisy Pickles, who gets into plenty of them; Robert Rockwell as Morty Matthews, who’s as hopeless as solving cases as he is at finding love; and Jody Gilbert as Harriet Hash, who tends to use her fists rather than her brain.

Merriweather in Hell - After timid Mr. Merriweather dies in a freak accident (he went out with a yes on his lips on a no day), he finds himself at the pearly gates. Unable to bear the thought of spending the afterlife without his beloved Tilly, he gets permission from St. Peter (Paul Lynde) to venture into the depths of hell to recover her. Finding hell to be less fire and brimstone and more booze and liquor, he recovers Tilly (voiced by June Foray) and, death having loosened him up considerably, soon discovers why she might have wanted to come here in the first place. The party atmosphere is soon ruined by the reemergence of his late wife Adelaide (Mercedes McCambridge), who has become the Girl Friday of Lucifer (Gary Marshall). Lucifer and Adelaide decree that Merriweather cannot leave hell until he has completed a series of tasks for them, which he sets about doing with the assistance of Tilly. Serving as his earthly guide is Lucy Ricardo, who communicates with him via Ouija board and gives him zany ideas to thwart Lucifer and Adelaide at every turn.

Akins and Pain - Claude Akins stars as a responsible small-town doctor in this workcom, who has to deal with a recurring series of wacky and difficult patients (including Carol Burnett as hypochondriac Persephone Glick) as well as the antics of his staff – Nurse Bertha Birch (Ruth Buzzi), a nymphomaniac who has the hots for the doc; ditzy receptionists Shirley and Myrtle (Lucie Arnaz and Sue Tolsky), who take more coffee breaks than phone calls; and bitter janitor Hubert McGuff (Parley Baer), who keeps more liquor stashed in his mop bucket than cleaning supplies.

Bang for Your Buck - Eve Arden stars as professional Madam Eunice Quedens, who’s been in the biz for many, many years. As work has dried up for her friends and colleagues over the years, she launches a bordello aimed at those interested in “mature” or “curvy” women and moves the gals in. These ladies of the evening have been around the block and know more tricks to pleasing men than Cosmo, so word of mouth is strong and soon business is booming. But can the gals survive the random visits from the conniving inspector (Frank Nelson) and convince him they're actually just a boarding house?
The Ladies: Vivian Vance, Jean Carson, Sandra Gould, Florence Halop, Reta Shaw, Estelle Winwood, Hope Emerson, Alice Pearce, Barbara Pepper, Totie Fields, Madge Blake, Iris Adrian
Regular Customers: William Frawley, Richard Deacon, Gale Gordon, Jay Novello, Sid Gould, Gary Morton, Roger C. Carmel, Don Knotts, Alvin Hurwitz, Harvey Korman, Jim Nabors

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JoeySoCal    1,017
On 3/10/2019 at 1:31 PM, Mot Morenzi said:

Hope and Pray - Bob Hope plays a one-liner spouting priest at a highly dysfunctional church, where confessions turn into block comedy scenes. Featuring Ruth McDevitt as the absent minded organist.

I’ve Got it Maid - Vanda Hopkins (Barra) and Eileen Franks (Brennan) are, respectively, the downstairs and upstairs maids of wealthy socialite Eleanor Blaisdel (Audley), who start off as rivals but eventually join forces to pull numerous pranks on their haughty boss. Also joining in the fun are the cook, Kathleen Baker (Freeman), and Eleanor’s less well-off sister Ruth (Perrott), who also live in the house. With guest appearances by Mickey Rooney and Lucille Ball as Ichirou and Toshi Yamaguchi, Eleanor’s Japanese gardeners.

Blondells Have More Fun - Joan and Gloria play fictionalized versions of themselves who, upon seeing their showbiz careers drying up, resort to drastic measures to get attention. Wild parties, cheap booze, cheaper men, and talking smack about their least favorite costars to documentary filmmakers soon become their bread and butter. (Desilu President Lucille Ball, upon seeing the ratings, pulls an imaginary toilet chain and flushes the show away.)

Faulty Towers - Herbert Rudley and Lou Krugman star as construction tycoon brothers Kent and Ron Grossman, whose lives and careers come crashing down (literally) when their latest series of office towers all collapse due to structural failure. Each facing prison sentences due to negligence, the brothers must adjust to life behind bars and ingratiate themselves with both the warden (Gale Gordon) and their fellow inmates – Tubbs (Tim Conway), who was getting rid of some paper; Tiny (Alan Hale), who used to rough people up for a living; and Hard Head Hogan (Iris Adrian), a former bouncer so terrifying that no women’s prison would take her.

Mildred Fierce! - Joan Crawford stars as gay icon Mildred Davis. Despite being past her prime and forgotten by Hollywood, her loyal following of fairies (Paul Lynde, William Lanteau, Charles Nelson Riley, R.G. Brown, Herbert Kenwith) remain as devoted as ever, and help her stay active in summer stock, drag reviews and bath houses.

Private Ai Yai Yai - Desi Arnaz stars as Jose Romero, owner of a private detective agency, with a stable of oddball detectives who give him more headaches than results. Featuring Imogene Coca as Daisy Pickles, who gets into plenty of them; Robert Rockwell as Morty Matthews, who’s as hopeless as solving cases as he is at finding love; and Jody Gilbert as Harriet Hash, who tends to use her fists rather than her brain.

Merriweather in Hell - After timid Mr. Merriweather dies in a freak accident (he went out with a yes on his lips on a no day), he finds himself at the pearly gates. Unable to bear the thought of spending the afterlife without his beloved Tilly, he gets permission from St. Peter (Paul Lynde) to venture into the depths of hell to recover her. Finding hell to be less fire and brimstone and more booze and liquor, he recovers Tilly (voiced by June Foray) and, death having loosened him up considerably, soon discovers why she might have wanted to come here in the first place. The party atmosphere is soon ruined by the reemergence of his late wife Adelaide (Mercedes McCambridge), who has become the Girl Friday of Lucifer (Gary Marshall). Lucifer and Adelaide decree that Merriweather cannot leave hell until he has completed a series of tasks for them, which he sets about doing with the assistance of Tilly. Serving as his earthly guide is Lucy Ricardo, who communicates with him via Ouija board and gives him zany ideas to thwart Lucifer and Adelaide at every turn.

Akins and Pain - Claude Akins stars as a responsible small-town doctor in this workcom, who has to deal with a recurring series of wacky and difficult patients (including Carol Burnett as hypochondriac Persephone Glick) as well as the antics of his staff – Nurse Bertha Birch (Ruth Buzzi), a nymphomaniac who has the hots for the doc; ditzy receptionists Shirley and Myrtle (Lucie Arnaz and Sue Tolsky), who take more coffee breaks than phone calls; and bitter janitor Hubert McGuff (Parley Baer), who keeps more liquor stashed in his mop bucket than cleaning supplies.

Bang for Your Buck - Eve Arden stars as professional Madam Eunice Quedens, who’s been in the biz for many, many years. As work has dried up for her friends and colleagues over the years, she launches a bordello aimed at those interested in “mature” or “curvy” women and moves the gals in. These ladies of the evening have been around the block and know more tricks to pleasing men than Cosmo, so word of mouth is strong and soon business is booming. But can the gals survive the random visits from the conniving inspector (Frank Nelson) and convince him they're actually just a boarding house?
The Ladies: Vivian Vance, Jean Carson, Sandra Gould, Florence Halop, Reta Shaw, Estelle Winwood, Hope Emerson, Alice Pearce, Barbara Pepper, Totie Fields, Madge Blake, Iris Adrian
Regular Customers: William Frawley, Richard Deacon, Gale Gordon, Jay Novello, Sid Gould, Gary Morton, Roger C. Carmel, Don Knotts, Alvin Hurwitz, Harvey Korman, Jim Nabors

Brian, you've outdone yourself!  I think you've missed your calling dahling, you really really write FUNNY! And such aliteration! I'm still cracking up over (well, many things!) "her loyal following of fairies"! :HALKING:

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Neil    1,366
On 3/10/2019 at 1:31 PM, Mot Morenzi said:

Hope and Pray - Bob Hope plays a one-liner spouting priest at a highly dysfunctional church, where confessions turn into block comedy scenes. Featuring Ruth McDevitt as the absent minded organist.

I’ve Got it Maid - Vanda Hopkins (Barra) and Eileen Franks (Brennan) are, respectively, the downstairs and upstairs maids of wealthy socialite Eleanor Blaisdel (Audley), who start off as rivals but eventually join forces to pull numerous pranks on their haughty boss. Also joining in the fun are the cook, Kathleen Baker (Freeman), and Eleanor’s less well-off sister Ruth (Perrott), who also live in the house. With guest appearances by Mickey Rooney and Lucille Ball as Ichirou and Toshi Yamaguchi, Eleanor’s Japanese gardeners.

Blondells Have More Fun - Joan and Gloria play fictionalized versions of themselves who, upon seeing their showbiz careers drying up, resort to drastic measures to get attention. Wild parties, cheap booze, cheaper men, and talking smack about their least favorite costars to documentary filmmakers soon become their bread and butter. (Desilu President Lucille Ball, upon seeing the ratings, pulls an imaginary toilet chain and flushes the show away.)

Faulty Towers - Herbert Rudley and Lou Krugman star as construction tycoon brothers Kent and Ron Grossman, whose lives and careers come crashing down (literally) when their latest series of office towers all collapse due to structural failure. Each facing prison sentences due to negligence, the brothers must adjust to life behind bars and ingratiate themselves with both the warden (Gale Gordon) and their fellow inmates – Tubbs (Tim Conway), who was getting rid of some paper; Tiny (Alan Hale), who used to rough people up for a living; and Hard Head Hogan (Iris Adrian), a former bouncer so terrifying that no women’s prison would take her.

Mildred Fierce! - Joan Crawford stars as gay icon Mildred Davis. Despite being past her prime and forgotten by Hollywood, her loyal following of fairies (Paul Lynde, William Lanteau, Charles Nelson Riley, R.G. Brown, Herbert Kenwith) remain as devoted as ever, and help her stay active in summer stock, drag reviews and bath houses.

Private Ai Yai Yai - Desi Arnaz stars as Jose Romero, owner of a private detective agency, with a stable of oddball detectives who give him more headaches than results. Featuring Imogene Coca as Daisy Pickles, who gets into plenty of them; Robert Rockwell as Morty Matthews, who’s as hopeless as solving cases as he is at finding love; and Jody Gilbert as Harriet Hash, who tends to use her fists rather than her brain.

Merriweather in Hell - After timid Mr. Merriweather dies in a freak accident (he went out with a yes on his lips on a no day), he finds himself at the pearly gates. Unable to bear the thought of spending the afterlife without his beloved Tilly, he gets permission from St. Peter (Paul Lynde) to venture into the depths of hell to recover her. Finding hell to be less fire and brimstone and more booze and liquor, he recovers Tilly (voiced by June Foray) and, death having loosened him up considerably, soon discovers why she might have wanted to come here in the first place. The party atmosphere is soon ruined by the reemergence of his late wife Adelaide (Mercedes McCambridge), who has become the Girl Friday of Lucifer (Gary Marshall). Lucifer and Adelaide decree that Merriweather cannot leave hell until he has completed a series of tasks for them, which he sets about doing with the assistance of Tilly. Serving as his earthly guide is Lucy Ricardo, who communicates with him via Ouija board and gives him zany ideas to thwart Lucifer and Adelaide at every turn.

Akins and Pain - Claude Akins stars as a responsible small-town doctor in this workcom, who has to deal with a recurring series of wacky and difficult patients (including Carol Burnett as hypochondriac Persephone Glick) as well as the antics of his staff – Nurse Bertha Birch (Ruth Buzzi), a nymphomaniac who has the hots for the doc; ditzy receptionists Shirley and Myrtle (Lucie Arnaz and Sue Tolsky), who take more coffee breaks than phone calls; and bitter janitor Hubert McGuff (Parley Baer), who keeps more liquor stashed in his mop bucket than cleaning supplies.

Bang for Your Buck - Eve Arden stars as professional Madam Eunice Quedens, who’s been in the biz for many, many years. As work has dried up for her friends and colleagues over the years, she launches a bordello aimed at those interested in “mature” or “curvy” women and moves the gals in. These ladies of the evening have been around the block and know more tricks to pleasing men than Cosmo, so word of mouth is strong and soon business is booming. But can the gals survive the random visits from the conniving inspector (Frank Nelson) and convince him they're actually just a boarding house?
The Ladies: Vivian Vance, Jean Carson, Sandra Gould, Florence Halop, Reta Shaw, Estelle Winwood, Hope Emerson, Alice Pearce, Barbara Pepper, Totie Fields, Madge Blake, Iris Adrian
Regular Customers: William Frawley, Richard Deacon, Gale Gordon, Jay Novello, Sid Gould, Gary Morton, Roger C. Carmel, Don Knotts, Alvin Hurwitz, Harvey Korman, Jim Nabors

Somehow I missed these when first posted.  Pure Brilliant-osity!  So dense they can't be absorbed in one read. 

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Neil    1,366

So hard to choose, but my favorite bits:

Mickey Rooney and Lucille Ball as Ichirou and Toshi Yamaguchi, Eleanor’s Japanese gardeners.

Blondells Have More Fun - (for the title ALONE!) and "Desilu President Lucille Ball, upon seeing the ratings, pulls an imaginary toilet chain and flushes the show away."

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