The "Here's Lucy" reboot

[Neil]

If they can do "Valerie" without Valerie Harper, "Rosanne" without Rosanne Barr, why not....

"Here's Lucy" without Lucy, the sequel series entitled  "Lucy's Family"

Lucy Carter gets her dream job of secretary to the stars.  Since the new job involves a lot of travel, she sublets her Valley Lawn Drive house to Mary Jane.    After MJ divulges what really took place with her boss on that Santa Barbara trip, he is fired from the firm and disbarred, leaving Mary Jane jobless.  Desperate for a quick replacement, Harry hires her--and soon regrets it.  Once Lucy's relatives hear that she has vacated her house, both Lucy's mother Dede Hinkley (Elvia Allman) and brother Herb move in, despite Mary Jane's reservations.  With too many Hinkleys underfoot, Kim moves in with Uncle Harry.  Meanwhile, newlyweds Sam and Vanda buy the house next door to Lucy's.    Stories involve Harry adjusting to his new secretary, even daffier than the one she replaced; veil-taking confirmed-bachelor Harry's sudden father-figure role with Kim at home; and Mary Jane's constant battles with the freeloading Hinkleys aided by neighbors Sam and Vanda.  (Despite Mary Jane Croft being elevated to a starring part in this series, she's still listed under "with" in the closing credits.)  A "Lucille Ball Production"  (LBP, Inc.)

I expect "MOT" to flesh this out!!

[Luvsbway]

Mary Jane had a #metoo moment.  And that name, DeDe Hinkley.

They need an episode where Craig unexpectedly shows up. Maybe he dropped out of college to join the competive surfing circuit in Australia and hasn't been heard from in years.

[Mot Morenzi]

17 hours ago, Neil said:

Despite Mary Jane Croft being elevated to a starring part in this series, she's still listed under "with" in the closing credits.

!!!!!!!!!!!

I laughed 'til I practically cried at this.

17 hours ago, Neil said:

I expect "MOT" to flesh this out!!

Let the fleshing out begin! I think we should incorporate every character possible for this. Why not have Vivian Jones buy the Hinkley's other neighboring house and wind up playing landlady to Carol Krausmeyer. Viv's misadventures with Carol remind her of her past shenanigans with another wacky redhead.

17 hours ago, Luvsbway said:

They need an episode where Craig unexpectedly shows up. Maybe he dropped out of college to join the competitive surfing circuit in Australia and hasn't been heard from in years.

Yes! And he's been shacking up with Ann-Margret the whole time. When the two of them turn up, Ann's 'spectin' and he needs steady work to support the baby. This results in an awkward scene where he bumps into ex-girlfriend Suzie Hubbard, who sees him with his new lady and has only one word - "BEAST!"

[Neil]

On 6/5/2018 at 0:27 PM, Mot Morenzi said:

 

Yes! And he's been shacking up with Ann-Margret the whole time. 

Ann-Margaret and Craig could do a variation of the "Rock Sisters" segment that Lucy did on Carol Burnett's show.

When Justin Bieber's opening act, "The Six Bare Feet" cancels at the last minute because their podiatrist schedules emergency hammer-toe surgery (they never fully recovered from that saxophone mishap), Justin's producer has to come up with a new act on the spot.  Viewing a tape of Ann-Margaret and Craig doing "Country Magic" and no time to audition, he hires them sight unseen, not realizing the clip is almost 50 years old.   Imagine his chagrin (and the Bieber audience reaction) when 78 year old Ann and 65 year old Craig show up in those same costumes ready to "frug" their way through the number once again!

[Neil]

OK, well how about this one?

(Remember the premise is the Mary Jane sublet Lucy's house.  Lucy is traveling as 'secretary to the stars'. Kim has moved in with her Uncle Harry. The Hinkleys: Lucy's mother Dede and brother Herb have moved in with Mary Jane but want the house) 

“MARY JANE MEETS HER MATCH”

The conniving Hinkleys overhear Mary Jane reciting her “I am beautiful….. because I have an inner glow” mantra and perceive (not without cause) this  as an onset of senility.  They figure this is just what they need to gain conservatorship over Mary Jane and ownership of the house and alert the authorities.  Sensing a possible negative outcome for Mary Jane, Harry and Kim see a picture in the paper of visiting socialite Cynthia Harcourt, notice the distinct resemblance and hatch a plan. 

Meanwhile the Harcourts, eager to take in LA nightlife, visit the Royal Club featuring headliner “Miss Pat, the Hip Hypnotist”.  Reluctant Cynthia becomes part of the act.  Miss Pat plants the suggestion in her head that when she hears a chipmunk voice, she’ll go from sophisticated to daffy.   (insert “uh-oh” laugh)

The next day, to gain access to the Harcourt’s Beverly Palms suite, Harry and his “spoiled daughter” Kim represent themselves as West Palm Beach yacht owners wishing to sell, and schedule the Harcourts to come over to the Valley Lawn Drive  house to seal the deal during the time set for Mary Jane’s  court-ordered psychological evaluation (sending Mary Jane out on a wild goose chase errand) in the hopes that the mental competency assessors will evaluate Cynthia instead of Miss Lewis.  All goes as planned until Mary Jane unexpectedly returns early from her errand and squeaks out:  “Harry, I couldn’t find any wild geese on Echo Park Lake”.  Insert “boing” sound-effect as Cynthia goes so wild-eyed that she and Mary Jane become indistinguishable, eventually harmonizing a pitch-challenged version of “Organically Yours” together, leaving all confused and Mr. Harcourt not sure of which one to take home. 

FADE OUT.

TAG SCENE: New neighbors, New England transplants, the Foster twins, Audrey and Betty (now Simmons and Ramsey) arrive to invite the Valley Lawn household to a get-acquainted dinner party---prompting the assessors and the Hinkleys to scream and scurry out the door in horror!  Harcourt hastily picks a “Cynthia” at random and leaves, hoping for the best. 

Harcourt: Hy Averback.  Competency assessors: Barbara Morrison, Florence Bates.

 

[Mot Morenzi]

Love the idea of Mary Jane playing all of her Lucy characters in one episode. Try doing that with Frank Nelson...yeeeeeesh!

"The Dinner Party" - Hoping to get better acquainted with their neighbors, the Hinkleys plan a dinner party and invite Sam, Vanda, Harry, Kim, Viv and Carol. Not much liking the Hinkleys, Viv and Carol scheme to scare them off by disguising Cynthia (Carole Cook) as Lucy, arranging for her to "return home" and order her freeloading relatives out midway through dinner. Unbeknownst to them, Harry and Kim have come up with a similar plan involving a wax model head of Lucy that Harry found on eBay, sculpted by the famous Golddaper. The Hinkleys get the fright of their life at dinner when confronted with two Lucys, and the sight of the wax one melting before their eyes (Mary Jane knocked over a candle and set it on fire) only scares them even more. Just when everyone thinks they're rid of them, however, the real Lucy pops in ("I forgot my lipstick") and the plan is exposed. 

[Neil]

"WUNNERFUL"!!!  

But MORE, plz .  I love what comes out of your crazy down-under idea-bubbling head!!

 

[Mot Morenzi]

"The Tenant Trap" - Tired of the Hinkleys invading her legally sublet house, Mary Jane conspires with Vanda to arrange a series of booby traps throughout the house and grounds, in order to make DeDe and Herb think the house is jinxed and flee. Unfortunately, the traps manage to snare everybody BUT the Hinkleys - Sam steps on the tarp in the yard and falls into an underground pit; Kim puts her foot through the rope and winds up hanging upside down from a tree; Viv must send her knit suit to the tailor after finding the sofa cushion super-glued to it; while Carol gets the fright of her life after the downstairs toilet gushes instead of flushes. All this culminates with Harry admiring the "taxidermy" skunk on the mantle a little too closely, and sending Mary Jane the bill for the dry-cleaners and a bottle of Flo's Industrial Soap Scrub.

"Peaches and Scream" - Mary Jane and DeDe have both entered Sam's cooking contest down at the café, with the winning recipe earning a place on the menu. Mary Jane decides to submit her famous peach cobbler, passed down her family for generations. Never one for honest competition, and knowing her beef hash needs all the help it can get, unscrupulous DeDe doctors the cobbler the night before submission with a mixture of stool-softeners and cayenne pepper. The next day, the concoction wreaks havoc with Sam's chili allergy and his constipation medicine, sending him to the hospital. A furious Vanda accuses Mary Jane of trying to kill her honeybunch, but a cursory examination of the cobbler unearths one of DeDe's press-on nails, and Mary Jane turns the hose on her until she confesses outright. Mary Jane remakes her cobbler and impresses the recovered Sam enough to win the competition. In lieu of pressing charges, Sam has another idea, and everybody takes great delight in watching DeDe force down her modified cobbler with an expression akin to a Vitametavegamin drinker.

[Mot Morenzi]

"The Milkman Cometh" - DeDe develops a crush on the milquetoast milkman. Mary Jane seizes on this by alerting his jealous wife (Totie Fields), hoping the hot-tempered housefrau will go after DeDe the same way she once went after Lucy. Things don't go as planned when the little frump reveals she's more interested in a dashing young catfood salesman (Don Crichton) than her boring hubby, and is happy to let DeDe take him. This results in the milkman moving in, much to Mary Jane's chagrin. However, things with the catfood salesman hit a snag when Totie catches him checking out Craig in his bathing trunks a little too closely, and soon she wants her husband back. DeDe isn't prepared to give up her new man without a fight, however, and before Mary Jane knows it, greedy Herb and Harry conspire to sell tickets to "The Battle of the Broads" showdown in Mary Jane's back yard. 

[Neil]

Hahaha!  Had to read this one three times to get all the subtle nuances.   What a day brightener your plot-posts are!

[Mot Morenzi]

Thanks!

"Wild About Harry" - Delighted at getting to spend more time with his niece now that Kim is living with him, Harry is nonetheless concerned that she doesn't seem to be spending much time with friends her own age these days. He encourages her to bring some of her girlfriends around the house more often, even setting up a rumpus room in the basement for Kim to entertain in. He regrets making this suggestion when Kim brings around Sue (Susan Tolsky), who has a thing for older, successful men and falls head over heels for Harry at first sight. This leads to an embarrassing encounter in the rumpus room, where Harry barely dodges Sue's attempts to leap into his arms with a series of strategic cartwheels. But that's nothing compared to the following night, when Harry invites Sam, Vanda and Mary Jane over for dinner, only to find Sue lounging on the dining room table wearing nothing but the table cloth.

 "Oh my gawd! Harry, you perverted sex maniac!"

 "Honey, you must be awfully chilly. Here, take my coat."

 

[Neil]

Here's my topical contribution:

“Sarah Gets Hucka-Beef Hashed”   

Stuck paying monthly rent on the now-defunct Proud Penguin lease, Harry talks Mary Jane and the Hinkleys into investing and reopening as “Harry’s Beef Hash Palace” with “King” Harry front and center greeting customers wearing his margarine-commercial crown, while the Hinkleys slave away in the kitchen taking orders from Mary Jane in her position as  ‘supervising can opener’.  The kitchen staff is unaware of the actual inexpensive source of Harry's  “tasty, unusually flavored” recipe.  "Just add peas", he tells MJ, Dede and Herb, after having peeled all the Purina labels off the cans in the stock room.  Business is purring along.  But when Costco raises their cat food price 2 cents per can, pernicious Harry goes to the Canned Food Outlet store and purchases a pallet of “slightly” damaged, off-brand cat-food cans, paying no attention to the fact that most of cans have convex tops; that some of the tin seams are oozing a foul-smelling goo: and that the first on the list of ingredients is “By-products of beef by-products”.   Herb’s job now includes shooing away the mounting hordes of feral, stray and alley cats gathering in the back parking lot, waiting to dumpster dive. 

Mary Jane, who took physics and chemistry at Trump University (graduating with a doctorate in 3 months), alerts Harry to the fact that the cans, stored in the un-air-conditioned stockroom are continuing their bulging at an alarmingly rapid rate., a phenomenon she learned not from her classes but by the outbreak of botulism experienced by her fellow students dining at the Trump U cafeteria.  Harry, of course, ignores “Dr. Lewis”’s warning. 

Meanwhile, who should show up to sample the Palace’s cuisine but Sarah Huckabee Sanders!  Still stinging from her worthless diploma and the enormous student debt thanks to Sarah’s boss, Mary Jane wants to kick her out, but celebrity-impressed Harry tells MJ to seat the Sarah at their best table.  Mary Jane picks the table next to  the stockroom, making sure Sarah is directly facing the open doorway, then sits back and waits for the inevitable volcanic results.  The explosion jerks the alley door open and a huge posse of cats mount , claw and lick poor goo-splattered Sarah from all sides. 

 

[Mot Morenzi]

Taking a leaf out of plots from the 2015 "Here's Lucy" thread:

"Get This Patti Started" - Lucy's old friend Patti LuPone turns up unexpectedly on Mary Jane's doorstep in a panic. Her latest musical (a Lin Manuel Miranda rap opera about the life of Ma Ferguson) closed after one performance due to a disastrous review by Rex Reed, where he claimed her singing voice was the musical equivalent of bamboo shoots up the fingernails*. Desperately hoping for a tune up from her old vocal teacher Lucy, Mary Jane informs a disappointed Patti that Lucy has moved, but says she's glad to help in any way she can and offers to show LuPone what she's got. After MJ croaks out a few bars of "Down By the Old Mill Stream," Patti thinks she'd get better coaching from Glenn Close and heads for the door. Just then, Harry, DeDe and Herb walk in. "PATTI!" exclaims Harry, rushing forward to kiss her hand. After listening to her predicament, the three of them, sensing a lucrative financial opportunity in the air, swear that they will do whatever it takes for her to stage a comeback. Thinking baby steps are the best way to go while she gets her voice back in shape, Harry enlists everyone to craft for Patti what seems to them a surefire gig - Evita II.

 "Since yah died in the last one, you just have to lie there in the cawfin the whole time. No singin', no dancin', no lines, nothin'! Sure fiyah winnah! How can they knock your singin' voice if yah don't sing!?"

Mortally insulted, Patti threatens to walk unless they give her something worthy of her talents. A furious DeDe retaliates by smashing her homemade chocolate cake right in Patti's face. When DeDe's extra rich chocolate frosting refuses to wash off entirely, everybody settles on plan B - "Patti LuPone is... Patti LaBelle". Naturally, disaster ensues.

* an actual Rex Reed statement on Patti's singing voice.

[Neil]

The sequel to “Sarah Gets Hucka-Beef Hashed” 

“HARRY AND BUNNY GO INTO BUSINESS”

Harry bribes Mary Jane into taking the fall for the whole Sarah Sanders/cat food  splatter explosion debacle, (Sarah: “This says more about Mary Jane Lewis than it does about Harry Carter or me.”) but too much PR damage has been done to continue the Beef Hash Palace theme.  Desperate, he appeals to Bunny Westcott who agrees to invest as long as the venue is changed to “Jimmy’s Albecorium” so that her idle-rich, lazy ne’er-do-well brother Jimmy gets some business experience. Converting part of the restaurant into a show lounge allows Bunny to provide a venue for her twin sister Lola to show off her musical skills with nightly performances of “My Fair Lady with Lola Fisher and members of the Original Cast”* .  When lazy Jimmy’s albacore fishing takes a back seat to his relatively easy Albecorium hosting duties, Harry’s kitchen inventory dwindles.  That is, until more penguins escape from the zoo and suddenly Mary Jane’s original idea of penguin burgers no longer seems far-fetched.   Harry gets away with it until a local restaurant reviewer dines on the Albecorium’s blue plate special and bites into a beak encased in a feather.    

Bunny/Lola: Lola Fisher.  Jimmy: King Donovan. Encino Gazette Restaurant Reporter:  Alan Hewitt.

*I once purchased a 99 cent album of "My Fair Lady", the cover of which said "LOLA FISHER AND THE ORIGINAL CAST". yes,   the same Lola Fisher who appeared in "Franchise Fiasco".  Inserted in much smaller print between "Lola Fisher and"  and "the original cast" were the words  "members of".   I was too naive to realize this was NOT the original cast album!

[Neil]

The "Here's Lucy's Family" reboot of Here's Lucy encompasses a rather large ensemble cast.  There's an occasional episode that focuses on neighbor Carol Krausmeyer.  Carol Burnett agrees to make limited, periodic appearances as she did on the NBC version of "Mama's Family".  Executive Producers "Mot" and I realize we sometimes play fast and loose with the timeline and include guest cast members that are no longer living; and blend events from the past with the present   (Mot and I are obviously doing these just to amuse each other, but WE DON'T CARE ).  That said, this week's hour-long episode is:

“CAROL KRAUSMEYER MEETS CAROL BURNETT”  aka “CYNTHIA’S BIG BREAK”

Carol Krausmeyer enters a Carol Burnett-lookalike contest and wins over Vicki Lawrence, Carol Bradford, Carol Tilford and perennial lookalike contest runner-up Cynthia Duncan.  

Later, when the real Carol Burnett has signed a contract to appear in the Broadway musical “Fade Out, Fade In” 8 times a week, simultaneous to a new weekly CBS variety series “The Entertainers”,  Burnett soon realizes she has bit off more than she can chew and contacts Krausmeyer to alternate with her so she can actually be in two places at once. Vocal coach Professor Gitterman and choreographer Onna White are called in to get Carol Krausmeyer’s performing skills up to the level of audience expectations.  Carol K gets a taste of stardom and quits her job at  Morton Gorton and Horton for a career in show business.  Lest they reveal their “Fade Out/Entertainers” ruse, Carol B and her attorneys are powerless when Carol K is signed for a big-budget revival  tour of “Once Upon a Mattress” billed as the real Carol Burnett.  

Things get dicey when the tour hits LA with the opening performance of “Mattress”  scheduled the same night as the first taping of Carol B’s new variety series.   When the two Carols get together to discuss who’s doing which show, there’s a miscommunication and both Carols show up that evening at Television City.  Meanwhile downtown at LA's Ahmanson Theatre, when they can hold the curtain no longer, understudy Cynthia Duncan is summoned from her motel room and goes on in “Mattress” and, as they say, “A Star is Born”. 

Guest cast:.Gitterman: Hans Conreid....Onna White: Anita Mann...“Mattress” co-star: Robert Alda...Cynthia Duncan: Carole Cook...Jim Nabors: Himself.

Background story:  For those who don’t know, Carol Burnett actually did make her Broadway starring debut in the Jule Styne/Comden&Green musical “Fade Out, Fade In” in 1964.  (“Once Upon a Mattress” was OFF-Broadway).  For some reason, she also signed to do a New York based weekly TV series “The Entertainers” simultaneous to her Broadway show, appearing as one of 3 revolving hosts (the others: Bob Newhart and Caterina Valente; sometimes 2 of them would host; sometimes all 3)  “Fade Out/In” was on Broadway the same time as the original “Hello Dolly”, Streisand’s “Funny Girl” and Tammy Grimes and Bea Lillie in “High Spirits”.  They were all hits but “Fade Out”, the least remembered of the four, was the house record breaker….for a time.  Shades of Wildcat, Carol tired of carrying a so-so show and tried to get out of it after sustaining a neck injury from a cab accident (which didn’t prevent her from appearing on “Entertainers” produced by her husband)  The show closed for a time.  The “Fade” producers threatened lawsuits, so in an unprecedented Broadway move, the show RE-OPENED, but the momentum had been lost and it closed for good shortly after the 2^ndopening. “Entertainers” also folded after one season.   One episode featured singing guest star Vivian Vance!

 

 

[Mot Morenzi]

Brilliant! I adore both of these. Cynthia Duncan could enter a Carole Cook lookalike contest and still come in second.

Okay, if we're throwing dual casting and characters from other shows into the mix:

"Big Viv(s) & Little Ethel" - Lucy's old pal Viv Jones, now Carol Krausmeyer's housemate, receives a letter from her twin sister back east, Vivian Bunson, who is coming to visit all the way from Danfield. The minute Viv finishes the letter, the doorbell rings  - "It's me, Viv, didn't you get my letter?" Viv and Viv hug (in an Emmy-winning bit of special effects photography), then Mrs. Bunson explains that she and her husband, Vern, had a huge fight and she had to get away for a while. They've only just begun getting reacquainted when another letter arrives from Connecticut - their identical cousin Ethel is also coming for a visit after a blowout with her husband over chicken feed. Once Little Ethel arrives, the house is overflowing with lookalike dishwater blondes, driving Carol batty and causing her to move in with Sam and Vanda for a while.

When Harry drops by and is seeing triple, he's convinced he needs his eyesight checked again, but once Viv, Viv and Ethel explain the situation, Mr. Producer awakens inside him and dollar signs flash in his eyeballs. Twin sisters and their lookalike cousin, one of whom has professional vaudeville experience - what a cash cow, he thinks. Almost immediately, he's got the girls onboard and sets about preparing an act for them.

Things start to sour fast. Tired of being called Ethel, Ethel insists on being billed as "Roberta Louise Mae," which the Vivs argue is too long ("Honestly, who has three middle names anyway. Just pick one!"). Then the Vivs argue over which one is going to change her name, as they feel having two Vivs on the marquee would be too much. Ultimately, Bunson wins the coin toss, so Jones decides upon Diane Belmont for her stage name. But things really get wonky once rehearsals begin. Without Secondhand Louie by her side, Ethel enlists Harry to perform "Carolina in the Morning" with her ("You're better than that old poop ever was!"), while Viv and "Diane" argue over who's going to perform "Steamboat Bessie" and who's going to get "Yellow Bird" ("You do Yellow Bird, you look like a 150 pound canary anyway!")

A fight ultimately breaks out, with haughty Mrs. Bunson locking Mrs. Jones in the backstage freezer before show time. Jones manages to escape, and steals all the potted palms of varying sizes from the restaurant next door to upstage Bunson's big number. Unfortunately, her timing's off, and she performs the gag during Ethel's do-over of "The Chocolate Soldier" ("Oh, for crying out loud, not again!"). The show soon devolves into a lady wrestling match, and it's up to the three frowsy redheads in the audience, who all flew in to surprise their friends, to split them up.  

[Neil]

Undeterred by the lack of feedback and until we're kicked off the board by our "bored and talented webmaster", Mot and I are going to continue to come up with these "Here's Lucy's Family" reboot plots.

“THINGS GET ROCKY FOR BULLWINKLE U”

Now that Betsy Devos has relaxed regulations on for-profit colleges,  Harry takes Trump’s lead and forms a trade school named after his 1928 Alma Mater Bullwinkle U .  And revives his old fraternity: DDT.  Drawing on his Unique Employment Agency background Harry offers what he feels is a practical curriculum.  

Majors  include: Nudist Colony Social Directing, Overweight Movie Star Personal Training, Pitted Olive Pimento Patting, Andrews Sister Impersonating; (minor: Crosby mimicking), Undercover Spying, Restaurant Management for Senior Waitresses and Valley Club Floor Show Staging.  First lecture in the latter course: “How to Attract a Middle-age Crowd to Place Called “The Hungry Hippie” taught by foul-mouthed professor Rudy Vallee.

Things get all doo-wacka-doo for Harry when disgruntled graduates initiate a class action suit and he becomes the 4th client on record of attorney Michael Cohen. 

GUEST CAST:  ....Bullwinkle U’s School Nurse: Marilyn Maxwell.  ……..BU Dean of Boys: Victor Buono.  ……….BU commercial spokesperson:June Foray.  ……..Michael Cohen: Fritz Weaver………  Betsy Devos:Ruta Lee…………..DDT Housemother: Mary Treen....College Freshman: Don Crichton 

[Luvsbway]

I'm enjoying these guys. I'd like to sign up for Valley Club Floor Show Staging.

So how long until Uncle Harry gets sued for his fly by night school?

[Mot Morenzi]

Don't forget Harry's pageant walking class!

[Mot Morenzi]

"Mary Jane Loses Her Cool" - Mary Jane receives some more unwelcome news when DeDe mentions that her sister and brother-in-law, Floreen and Wilbur Clutterbuck (Iris Adrian and Harvey Korman) are coming to stay for a week. Try as she might to put her foot down, meek-mannered Mary Jane is no match for the brazen Hinkleys, and the place is so noisy once Flo and Wilbur turn up that she can't hear herself think. She suffers in silence for a day or two, but finally loses it after Wilbur eats all of her chocolate chip cookies. Fuming, she runs to Vanda and Carol for help, desperate to finally be rid of these people, and her two significantly louder friends are only too happy to help regain control.

After Carol silences the group with an almighty "QUIIIIIIIEEEEETTT!", Vanda lays into them, telling them all how ashamed they should be for taking advantage of Mary Jane like they have. The Hinkleys and Clutterbucks are so taken aback they're left speechless, allowing Mary Jane to finally air all the grievances she's been bottling up. After uncorking the bottle, however, she can't seem to stop, and it isn't long before all four of them flee in tears for a nearby hotel. But that isn't the end of it, and next day at the office she blows her stack at Harry, chewing him out for his stingy and grumpy behavior. Trembling in the corner afterwards, Harry seriously contemplates joining the French Foreign Legion, until Vanda and Carol turn up. Concerned at the lid they seem to have blown off, the three of them scheme to get it back on again and restore Mary Jane to her former, sweet-natured self.

A batch of chocolate chip cookies and a pep-talk later, all is well. In order to keep MJ's cool, though, they realize that the Hinkleys and Clutterbucks have to got to go, and Vanda has the winning answer - smitten as she is with Sam, living together wasn't all it was cracked up to be, so he's left the house for the apartment over his restaurant. Vanda arranges to move in with Mary Jane and rent her house to the Hinkleys. Hoping they'll be more manageable as neighbors than housemates, MJ readily accepts, convinced life will be easier with Vanda as a roommate and DeDe and Herb safely ensconced next door.

Oh, how very wrong she is...

[Neil]

Is there a part 2 to this one?

[Mot Morenzi]

1 hour ago, Neil said:

Is there a part 2 to this one?

Indeed. Want me to write it or you?

[Neil]

YOU!!!  I've got one more in me that I'll post soon but has nothing to do with your story arc. 

5 hours ago, Mot Morenzi said:

Indeed. Want me to write it or you?

 

[Neil]

Submitted for your approval:

‘HERBIE RIDES AGAIN" (aka “WATCH MY RUDDERS SPIN”)

Herbie Walton flunks out of UCLA and is ‘itching’ to return to the LA beatnik scene.   Flush with his inheritance, now middle-aged Herbie re-enters the boulevard as an entrepreneur searching for a niche to penetrate the already saturated Sunset Strip exotic dancer clubs. 

He meets up with a meek taxidermist/motel owner who suggests Herbie tap into the small but loyal following of men attracted to the motherly-type with a yen for the bare bodies of “older women”. Herbie names his new joint in memory of his parents calling it “MAGGIE AND JIGGLES ”.

Contacted by Flo the manicurist, a concerned friend of the late Waltons back in Danfield,  Vanda, Mary Jane and Viv show up to talk some sense into Herbie, but instead he flatters them immensely when he suggests they become the floor show’s opening act.  Viv quickly cobbles together their opening song based on the intro verse to the Volunteer Vanities number “Hello” 

“Three old dancing dames are we….. Vanda, Mary Jane and me

We no ask and we no tell……….If you run the Bates Motel

Come on in and get a full…………….Dose of Complex Oedipal 

We may need help with our zippers…..We’re the Sunset Age-Group Strippers!”

Little does Viv Bunson know Betty Gillis, the Danfield Tribune society columnist and Flo have headed west to do a “Whatever Became Of…” story on Herbie.  They are shocked to discover the three scantily-clad Danfield dowagers on stage doing a number from “Gypsy” with parody lyrics: “You Gotta Have a Girdle”.   Gillis’s scandalous scoop moves her normal insert byline to the Tribune’s front page with blaring banner headlines

 “VANDA’S BARR-ASS & VIVIAN’S BUNS-ON DISPLAY—

 ICEBERG LEWIS REVEALS WHAT’S BELOW HER SURFACE--- IN HERBIE WALTON’S SUNSET STRIP STRIP CLUB” ,

much to the embarrassment of Danfield locals Vern Bunson and Lewis’s twin Audrey Simmons.    

GUEST CAST:…….Flo: Barabra Nichols…….Betty Gillis: Eleanor Audley……. Vern Bunson: Mark Herron….….”Maggie and Jiggles” Emcee Larry McAdoo: William Woodson ....Norman Bates: Anthony Perkins in a cameo

 

[Luvsbway]

Are you trying to get the censors after us? That sounds like a hilarious episode. I bet Viv's act might have an after hours portion.