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1986-1989


Annaleigh

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Well, maybe not for all the Woman of the year ones, or ladies Hall of Fame and so on, LOL! She used to say she had taught Desi a lot about women.

Well yeah.. Haha.

 

Desi might know a bit more about the female anatomy if you know what I mean. ;)

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A note on the tribute thing:

In 1990 she got a posthumous governer's award at the Emmys. It was presented by Bob Hope and accepted by the always lovely Gary Morton. :peachonthebeach:  In his speech I believe he said something like "She's with the person she truly was meant to be with", referring to Desi. :lucy1:  :desi1:

 

Ahh FreddieMertz, you gave me such hope that he said it publicly! Until Paula writes her book we can never be sure that Gary said it all. It raises a very interesting question though. Just how did Gary feel about Desi and how did her perceive her relationship with him? On Stu's show both Wanda and Frank very quickly state that they thought Gary was jealous of Desi. From Stu's conversation though I got the impression that this question was aimed at the professional level rather than the person. It's NO surprise that Gary recognized Desi had better experience and professional judgement and wished that Lucy trusted his opinion as staunchly. I would love to know if Gary was jealous at the feelings Lucy still had for Desi and whether he felt that in her heart, she longed to be with him even if she knew on a practical level it wouldn't have worked out. 

 

It's nice to meet ya all! I better warn you in advance, I'm a true Desi lover (not ignoring his flaws but I still adore him!)

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Welcome to the lounge Caewi. The information you bring up is something I have wondered about and written about here on the lounge in the past year. Below are some of my thoughts on this topic I pulled together from previous posts.

 

Lucy started to defer to Desi once she saw how well everything was going and how good his talent was. Always a creature of habit, by the time she gets Gary on board she wanted that same type of person to know what was best for her, so she could just act. It may be in Lucy’s book but she talks about slowly working Gary into production so he could learn it. So here is someone who was never much around TV, trying to learn “the Lucy way” and take over what Desi did, except that Desi was a key part in creating “the Lucy way” and was just a lot more talented overall.

 

The second crushing event of 86 and death of Desi. I always wonder how much it showed that she still carried a torch for him. I haven’t heard too many stories recounted after Lucy’s death that she told friends or on TV regarding her days with him that were super positive with the exception of the business part of their relationship. Was this Lucy’s way of not letting out her true feelings as to not have any of it get back to Gary and/or make herself look better in that she wasn’t going to take the cheating and drinking anymore? Reading the letters in the Widow Morton auction you saw that Lucy really did love Gary and that she realized how good he was for her. Maybe on the boring side, but after the previous 19 years boring is what she wanted. I think all the love letters, notes, etc.. are very telling about Lucy. Obviously these letters are meant for the readers eyes only and are the one true place where you see the unrepressed heart of Lucy. I think when she fell in love she fell very hard.

 

I think that these letters over the years show a window to her heart that love sustains. Legally a marriage may have ended but the love hasn’t. The love may change in forms due to necessity, letting go of the past and opening your heart to be loved again, but in reading the Gary letters they are pretty heartfelt 8, 18, 24 years into their marriage. Lucy talks about them taking separate vacations, Palm Springs/Snowmass, and how she already misses him. Who knows what was written or said to Desi in their private conversations. The stories from their friends on the Home Movies about how in the later years when they talked of each other, they cried is very sad. The last phone call story where all Lucy says is “I love you” repeatedly and with more feeling each time is so telling. When he died she had a very strong reaction. Didn’t Lee say in his book that she took to her bed for a week and was inconsolable? Couple that on top of the show being cancelled and Lucy thinking she lost the public’s adoration this has to be one of, if not the lowest point of her life.

 

A possibility of jealously from Gary may have been growing in the 80’s because of all these retrospectives, awards, etc… that played heavily on the ILL years in tribute. To know that this woman had an ever growing career the 25 years you were married to her and you played a part in that, but to be repeatedly reminded that the golden years and most beloved thing career wise was the magic she made with the guy who came before you is a big thing. Even the fact that your wife made history with putting her real life pregnancy, something she wanted so much with the other guy, on the air and seeing those shows played over and over again in tributes can be a little hard to come to terms with. So how do you deal with this jealously? Maybe it was spending a lot of time on the golf course and distancing himself a bit from her. Thus in return she has insecurities that he is bored with her and wants to leave. She may have had guilt over her failing health as well.

 

There is one letter in the Widow Morton auction where Lucy writes about “having to prove” and that this was a big issue that was discussed even before they got married. It seems like from this letter from time to time this idea pops up. The proving thing is him having to prove that he is worthy of the job he is doing and that the big boss lady just didn’t throw the new boy toy into the show. Lucy seems really concerned about this and has to provide some reassurance.

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The problem is the big boss lady did just throw him in there and he wasn't worthy of it. It just wasn't his thing. I know im always hard on Gary but dammit its just the truth. He shouldn't have been involved in that area of her life. But Lucy didn't want him on the road with his "comedy" so there you go. I have read all of those Gary letters and I really was touched by the "having to prove" letter she wrote to him. She just wanted him to remain this goofball who made her laugh and didn't feel he had anything to prove unlike Desi who felt he had everything  to prove....even when he no longer DID.

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One small correction though, all gary said was AT LEAST, THEY'RE TOGETHER NOW when her ashes were interred.  And one funny one, every time Desi would call the house, gary would tell Lucy his husband in law was on the phone.  I think the hate was mutual, why else would Desi always refer to him as Barry Norton?

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Lucy always said in interviews what she liked about Gary was that he was his own man. So this begs the question why did she see the need to throw him into her work if he had his own thing going on. Seems like someone with that thought process would seek out their own work. I never got the impression of him being his own man, seemed rather a kept man to me. If Lucy was so concerned about him having to prove that he was good enough and she just wanted the goofball she should of backed off. From what I have heard others in interviews say it didn’t seem like Gary really cared about the business. I think he just cared that he looked important. This comes back to I think Lucy was really insecure. Insecure that she needed someone else there for advice but also insecure in that she wanted to keep him around to keep an eye on him. I’ll give her the second one, she went through 20 years of not being able to trust a spouse. She probably had such a guard up that she was going to do everything she could to prevent that again.

 

Claude I wouldn’t go as far as calling it hate. But I do think the dislike was mutual, but only one party in that situation could freely express it. I bet it was hard having a third person in a marriage and I often wonder if they ever had fights about it. Maybe Gary knew what side his bread was buttered on and knew to keep his mouth shut. Going back to those letters you do see a reassurance of love in them, so maybe Lucy was fully aware of his feelings and wanted to make sure he knew that she thought of him as number 1. I still love the story Frank told on one of Stu’s radio shows. Gary calls, Frank answers, tells Lucy it’s your husband on the phone and she answers, which one?

 

I came across a bunch of articles from the 70’s on Desi that were housed on the old lounge site. In those he really professes his love for Lucy very openly. I think the process of writing the book brought some always felt feelings to the surface and he seemed to have no qualms professing any of this, dammed who was married to who at the time.

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Luvsbway, you really nailed it talking about Lucy and her insecurities and Gary never being his own man. Being with her gave him a position of power and I think most of the time that was enough for him. Of course underneath it all im sure he wished he was more than "Lucy's second husband". I also think Lucy would say he was his own man in interviews to prop him up. Or maybe she thought he was comfortable enough in his own skin and didn't feel he had anything to prove. Gary may very well have been that way at first but by the 70's he wasn't like that at all. It had gotten to him. And then he proceeded to make a fool of himself by pretending to know what he was doing when he didn't. Another difference between Desi and Gary was Desi never hesitating to show Lucy he was going to prove to people he was worth something. Gary couldn't afford to. He knew his place.

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Well stated, BOTH of you.  I think Lucy brought him into HER business BECAUSE there was nothing else for him to do, and she said herself many times how she really believed in nepotism, so she always hired friends and family.  I knew I was wrong when I typed HATE, I did mean mutual dislike.  gary was NEVER his own man, Lucy meant AFTER she gave him everything, then, he became his own man.  Thanks to her, as usual, the woman who was always building up her men in the public's eyes.  Yes, I do blame gary for her career ending, never making the right decisions for her and always making sure he got his cut out of everything.  He loved that his connection to Lucy got him everything, but he cared more about the image of power that gave him and playing golf of course.  Desi might have had his faults, but he always made sure he made the right decisions for Lucy, he truly cared about her and her career.

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