Brock Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 We have our Fred and Ethel Spin-Off, so let’s imagine Lucille Ball Productions decided to spin off Mary Jane and Vanda into their own series for the 1974 – 1975 season. ONE HOUR PILOT: There Goes The Groom After learning so much from her dynamite charm school, Mary Jane decides to purchase a franchise teaching charm herself. Vanda becomes her first client wanting to make one last ditch attempt to snag Sam at the cafe. Evidently Mary Jane learned a lot and Vanda and Sam make plans for a fun Vegas wedding with Mary Jane and Harry as maid of honour and best man. Although Harry will only spring for a cut rate wedding at Poopendorf’s Chapel of Love, they are blissfully happy...until Sam is lured away from Vanda by an attractive Keno runner. A quickie divorce ensues and Harry – providing his usual sound legal advice – mistakenly hands over controlling interest in the cafe to Vanda in the settlement, thus establishing Sam as a perpetual thorn in Vanda’s side and a series regular. GUEST STAR: Gale Gordon EPISODE 2: Watch Her Float Across... It’s that time of year again and Carol Krausmeyer is in full raining for this year’s Secretary Beautiful contest. Although still stung from her very brief marriage with Sam, Vanda is incensed at the attention Sam is paying to the suddenly glamourous Carol. Although she has no intention of trying to get Sam back, she never wants him to forget what he’s missing, Vanda trains hard to go head to head with Carol in the contest. The only problem? She’s a restauranteur and not a secretary – so she convinces Mary Jane to hire her temporarily as charm school administrator, but things go awry when Vanda realises Mary Jane is Carol’s glamour coach. GUEST STAR: Carol Burnett EPISODE 3: Boynton Beach Memoirs Vanda gives Mary Jane a new Italian haircut. Meanwhile, Connie Brooks Boynton shows up at Mary Jane’s charm school in a last ditch attempt to put some pizzazz back into her lacklustre marriage to the bashful biology teacher. When Mary Jane mentions Connie’s visit in passing to her cousin Daisy Enright, Daisy picks up the phone and, in her cousin’s Dingy voice, convinces Connie to come by her place for a surprise – and sabotaging – late night charm session. Connie recognizes her old rival immediately, as Daisy didn’t get the memo on Mary Jane’s new hairdo. GUEST STAR: Eve Arden, Mary Jane Croft EPISODE 4: Canary Club Capers (Part 1) After their recent charity drive captures media attention, the Canary Club is invited to come and warble on The Tonight Show. Mary Jane decides to give all the girls a makeover, but goes a step further and takes it upon herself to put Tiny on a diet regimen to make her television ready. Mary Jane and Vanda come to blows, however, when Mary Jane discovers she’s been slipping Tiny some of Sam’s Cafe delicacies, as Tiny has been one of their best customers. EPISODE 5: Canary Club Capers (Part 2) Meanwhile, over in New York, Lucy Carter has been working as a copywriter at Sterling Cooper Draper Campbell Harris. Thrilled that their campaign for Mais Oui had such a tremendous response – and that Lucy’s Mais Oui jingles became viral hits – they thought the Widow Carter might have a certain genius about her. Anyway, after picking up Variety one morning she reads a brief that the Canary Club was going to be on The Tonight Show the following week, so Lucy immediately flies to the coast , insisting that as she was a member of the club within the calendar year, she is entitled to be a part of their act. GUEST STARS: Lucille Ball, Johnny Carson EPISODE 6: The Commercial Business has started to plateau for Mary Jane’s Charm School after a brief spike following the Canary Club’s Tonight Show appearance. Deciding that word of mouth is no longer doing the trick, Mary Jane hits upon the idea of doing a local television commercial starring Vanda. While Vanda in the finished result looks the epitome of glamour, Mary Jane didn’t account for the voice. Vanda is outraged to come upon the commercial during the late, late show of Pygmalion to discover her voice had been dubbed by Marni Nixon! GUEST STAR: Marni Nixon EPISODE 7: The Great Seduction Tired of running the charm school out of her home, Mary Jane believes professional office space is just the thing she needs to ensure the continued success of the business. Naturally, she believes the perfect spot is her old digs at the office building. After consulting with building owner Dan Dailey, he tells her that all the tenants are firmly locked into their leases for the next year, except for the Unique Employment Agency, as Harry insisted his month-to-month pay arrangement be grandfathered in by Dan. Mary Jane decides to put some of her own medicine to work to seduce Harry into not renewing for the next month so she can have the office. Loose lips, however, sink ships and when Dan spills the beans to Sam over a cup of coffee, Sam slips the plan to Harry who is fully prepared for Mary Jane’s advances. Guest Stars: Gale Gordon, Dan Dailey EPISODE 8: Mary Jane Dates Howard Cosell When Mary Jane joins Vanda and Sam in watching the weekly football game, the divorced duo are surprised to hear their friend waxing lyrical about her idol and dream man Howard Cosell, particularly since he’s Vanda’s favourite cousin. As a special Christmas surprise, Vanda conspires to have Howard meet Mary Jane at the Cafe expecting Mary Jane to have the thrill of her life. Both women are taken aback, however, when it is love at first sight for Howard, who starts pursing Mary Jane with a lust beyond which either lady has ever known! He thinks it’s her voice. Guest Star: Howard Cosell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 EPISODE 9: The Case of the Reckless Bumpity-Bumper When Vanda breaks her butt while walking her roly poly after Mary Jane pushes her way too hard in the art of bumpity-bumps, Sam decides to take on the role as nursemaid leaving Mary Jane to run the restaurant. At her wit’s end acting as waitress and cook, she enlists Kim’s help and she takes it upon herself to devise a new, “hip” menu in Sam and Vanda’s absence. GUEST STAR: Lucie Arnaz EPISODE 10: The Lawsuit When Mary Jane puts out a new pamphlet advertising her new “Charm Quotient” program, she is promptly sued by one Phoebe Emerson for copyright infringement. Mary Jane countersues for defamation, however, after Phoebe takes her case to 60 Minutes and accuses Mary Jane of “simply lumping along like a sack of meal.” GUEST STAR: Natalie Schafer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikidiki Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 God I wish all these ideas were true! If only we could re-write history! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I'm speechless! But can "Mary Jane and Vanda" survive the 13 week renewal for a whole season? "Lumping along like a sack of meal"....is one of my favorite expressions ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I'm speechless! But can "Mary Jane and Vanda" survive the 13 week renewal for a whole season? Well, we have at least three viewers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvsbway Posted January 3, 2013 Report Share Posted January 3, 2013 I like that Lucy is working with Draper. Two redheads in one office. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Episode 11: Mommie's Dearest Mary Jane thinks she's hit the jackpot when a wealthy Los Angeles dowager (Carol Bruce) hires her to find the ideal husband for her awkward daughter (Susan Tolsky). Things are going very well with the transformed daughter turning many suitable heads after a couple of weeks of the Mary Jane System but things go awry when Vanda introduces her to Sam's equally awkward son (Henry Winkler) who is visiting home from college. Episode 12: Sam's Ex After months of working things out, the estranged Sam and Vanda have finally found a good balance in their work life with Vanda now steering the ship. But when Sam misses one of his monthly alimony payments, his ex-wife Cynthia Duncan (Carole Cook) shows up not knowing what happened between him and Vanda. She demands her alimony money which, as it turns out, is actually supposed to come from dividends of her 1/3 stake in the business. Episode 13: Hers, Hers, His and Theirs When Harry (Gale Gordon) decides to downsize into a new condo for swinging singles, Mary Jane and Vanda pool their resources to buy his house. Eager to get in on the singles action, he agrees to let the girls move in right away as he gradually moves out, but once settled into his new digs he realises not all of his stuff is going to fit, so he tries to prolong the move as long as possible and insinuates himself into the lives of MJ and Vanda. Episode 14: The Ex-Wife Who Came To Dinner The girls decide to have their extra bedroom work for them so they put it on the rental market, so Vanda hires Harry's rental agent friend Keith Davidson (Rhodes Reason) to unload the room, against Mary Jane's better judgement. When Mary Jane explains her fears, they worry they might get into another Kermit Boswell situation, but the problem is beyond their wildest expectations when they come back from a weekend in Palm Springs to find Davidson has rented the room to Cynthia (Carole Cook) who wants to be close at hand, making sure Sam keeps on the straight and narrow. Episode 15: Harry's Hen Party Life in the swinging singles condo isn't all Harry thought it was cracked up to be. It seems he is one of only two men in the whole place with with the rest of the building filled with lonely spinsters after his body. As the other guy is played by Burt Mustin, the ladies are after a man with -- to paraphrase Ruth Gordon -- a little bit more zip in his doo-dah. Complaining about his plight to Vanda and Mary Jane while picking up the last of his boxes lightning strikes the girls and decide to start up a matchmaking gig on the side for Harry's would-be mates. Their first target? Sam. Episode 16: Cynthia's Car Still smarting after losing the Mais Ouis car to the Carter gals, Cynthia decides to enter a jingle contest for My Sin in order to win a new Datsun with a casssette deck (Kim Carter, eat your heart out!) but when she gets writers block, the girls pull an all-nighter to help her win. And when she does, the girls squabble over who actually has the rights to the car based on the number of words each contributed to the entry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted January 4, 2013 Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 What an awesome idea, Brock! Love all of these, and the crossover with Our Miss Brooks is inspired! I love the thought of Mary Jane using her two very different voices in one show! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted January 5, 2013 Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 Episode 17: Mrs. Jones Comes West Mary Jane and Vanda still feel rather sad whenever they drive by Lucy's old house, which has remained empty ever since she packed up and moved back east. One day, however, they're surprised to see the lights on and a new car in the driveway. When they ring the bell, they're even more surprised when Vivian Jones (Vivian Vance) answers the door. It turns out that Lucy had moved in with Viv when she returned to New York, but the two of them eventually started getting on each others nerves. Since Lucy hadn't yet sold the house, she agreed to rent it to Viv so the two of them could get as far away from each other as possible, with Lucy now renting Viv's place. Not wanting two of their friends mad at each other, but knowing there's no way they can get Lucy to fly back to California, Mary Jane and Vanda must think of a plan. Remembering that both Lucy and Cynthia had competed in a Lucille Ball look-a-like contest, they plop a red wig on her and, in the darkness of Lucy's living room, have Cynthia pretend to be Lucy in order to make up with Viv. Things get interesting when the REAL Lucy pops in, however, to REALLY make up with Viv! Special Cameo Appearance: Lucille Ball Episode 18: Mod Maude Mary Jane's newest client at the charm school may be her most challenging yet: Maude Findlay. Visiting from New York and hoping to impress her husband Walter with an all new look and attitude, the dowdy, gruff-voiced Maude isn't exactly the picture of femininity. But Mary Jane refuses to give up and goes about teaching Maude the finer aspects of lady-like behaviour and giving her a whole new look. But a visit from Vanda throws things off balance, as Vanda thinks that Maude should go for the new Mod look, not classical elegance. Maude likes Vanda's suggestion and is soon hipper than the hippest-hippie and loving it, causing Mary Jane to lose her top. Only a surprise visit from Walter himself cools everyone down, as they find out he wants Maude exactly the way she was to begin with. Mary Jane: Now the first thing you'll want to work on is the voice. Everyone tells me that I sound like I swallowed a chipmunk, but you sound like you've downed a couple of bullfrogs! Maude: God'll get you for that, Mary Jane. Special Guest Stars: Beatrice Arthur and Bill Macy Episode 19: Viv Gets a Roommate: Viv soon realizes that Lucy's old house is far too big for one person and decides she needs a roommate to help make ends meet. Mary Jane and Vanda are only too happy to help her interview prospects. They get it narrowed down to a few possibilities, but then Viv surprises them by announcing she made a decision on her own, and out comes Carol Krausmeyer. Despite Mary Jane and Vanda's warnings that Carol can be a real snake in the grass, Viv's having none of it. Everything seems to be okay at first, but plenty of window snooping at night causes Mary Jane and Vanda to realize that Carol is quietly stealing all of Lucy's old belonings right out from under Viv's nose. Carol laughs it off, claiming that Lucy asked her to mail those items back to her in New York. Time to haul out Cynthia again, back in disguise as Lucy, to scare Carol off. Special Guest Stars: Vivian Vance, Carol Burnett and Carole Cook. Episode 20: Viv & Harry's Last Date Disappointed that her roommate situation didn't work out, Viv's lonely again. Mary Jane and Vanda take her out a few times but it doesn't seem to work. They then call upon Harry to accompany her to dinner the following night. Harry's shorts seem to harden up with starch at the simple mention of her name, but he agrees to give it a shot. Spying on them from the next booth, the girls are delighted that Viv and Harry seem to actually be having a great time together. Soon they're going out night after night after night...but pretty soon their sneaky minds begin to suspect the worst. Mary Jane begins to suspect Harry of being interested in Viv only for financial purposes, while Vanda begins to think that Viv's only interested in Harry for his money. Now how to confront them with their suspicions without looking like fools...which turns out to be impossible. Guest Stars: Gale Gordon & Vivian Vance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 These are all BRILLIANT, but I particularly love Viv & Harry's Last Date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 These are all BRILLIANT, but I particularly love Viv & Harry's Last Date! Haha, thanks. I think it should be a semi-recurring theme that Cynthia has to impersonate Lucy from time to time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Haha, thanks. I think it should be a semi-recurring theme that Cynthia has to impersonate Lucy from time to time. LOL! I'll by that. Perhaps Miss Ball can be drafted in to dub the singing for "Cynthia" on occasion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Episode 21: Vanda Burns Her Bra Sam’s had enough. He’s the “Sam” in “Sam’s Cafe” but new owner Vanda is getting all the laurels. After one local newspaper congratulates Vanda on Sam’s famous gravy, he goes on a verbal rampage and tells his boss her place is in the kitchen like all women! His attitude prompts Vanda to join a new fledgling feminist organization in the neighbourhood and their first order of business is to picket all local organizations that are against the cause. Their sit-in at a local “Gentleman’s Cabaret” is very successful and gets their crusade on the local news, but when their leader (Mary Wickes) assembles the womyn to picket their next target for perpetuating the very worst in feminine stereotypes, Vanda is put in an awkward position when she’s nominated to chain herself to the doors of Mary Jane’s charm school. Guest Star: Mary Wickes, Phil Silvers (owner of the strip club) Episode 22: What’s Old, Pussycat? Tired of having to jostle for space in the bathroom every morning, our two career gals decide it is high time to remodel their bathroom. While Cynthia is away visiting her son at school, they decide to reclaim an extra foot or two by building into Cynthia’s room just a little bit. When they cut into the wall, they find a long-since deceased fully black ancestor of the kitten once found in Harry’s wall. Superstitious Mary Jane is immediately petrified (but not as petrified as the cat) of the bad luck that will befall them, but Vanda simply throws the specimen in a green Glad bag and they finish patching up the wall. Over the ensuing week when one calamity after another befall both the charm school and the restaurant, they both come to the conclusion that it was bad luck getting rid of the cat and launch a desperate bid to trace its journey after it went out in the trash. Episode 23: Whatever Happened To Mary Jane? Vanda notices Mary Jane is becoming increasingly agitated but can’t figure out why. Things are going well at the charm school, enrollment has never been better, she is thinking about expanding operations and her love life is in full swing. But it’s the little things. She bristles at the very mention of television. If she hears someone rustling a newspaper, she immediately snatches it out of their hand and gets rid of it. Questioning her behaviour only makes it worse, but she goes into a full-blown hissy fit when Vanda comes back from the corner market with two loaves of bread and a TV Guide. What can be the problem. All is revealed when Harry pops by, popcorn in hand to watch their TV set because his, as always, is on the blink. It seems a local public access station is doing a 24 hour retrospective on the career of the once mega-popular child star Dainty Jane Lewis, who – due to her voice – never transitioned to the talkies. “Oh, my GAWD! I loved her!” exclaims Vanda and she and Harry settle in for a good evening of entertainment while Mary Jane goes out for a drive. When the two-reeler Million Dollar Baby comes on, showing Dainty Jane showing all her other little girlfriends how to walk like a movie star, Mary Jane’s secret slowly dawns on Harry and Vanda. Guest Star: Gale Gordon Episode 24: Vanda, the Other Woman (One hour Season Finale) It has been a very long day at the restaurant. Sam is down with the flu, the restaurant is short handed, Mary Jane is out on a date and Cynthia is away for the weekend to visit her son – and she’s left to cook for and clean up one of their biggest private parties of the season. Exhausted and very weary, she prepares to lock up for the night when she sees a grizzly-looking homeless man sitting on the stoop of the building curled up for a sleep. Taking pity on the guy, she invites him in to feast on the party’s leftovers and the two share a very interesting conversation in the booth facing the door. Feeling very satisfied that the night ended on a positive note, she heads home with a spring in her step at the very same time Mary Jane arrives back from her date. The two tell each other about their respective evenings and turn in for the night. The very next morning, the girls are shocked to see Vanda’s face plastered across the front of every tabloid and scandal sheet in the greater Los Angeles area, being identified as the latest flame in Howard Hughes’ life! With photographers and news media camped outside their door, Vanda gets tired of denying and eventually decides to go with the flow and sells her life story to talk show host Rona Barrett. Well, this opens up the floodgates. She’s besieged by similar requests from around the world and each consecutive iteration of the Vanda Barra Story becomes more tragic and dramatic than the one before. Finally, Mary Jane and Sam are sick of how insufferable she has become and the two hatch a plan to scour the city for a similar looking homeless guy to refute every word of Vanda’s tale. Guest Star: Jason Robards (the man), Rona Barrett (herself) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 FABULOUS! Time for SEASON 2: Episode 1: Coffee, Sanka or Maxwell House? Everything at the restaurant sells like hot cakes, except Sam's coffee. Deciding they need to try out some new types of coffee to stir up interest, Vanda initially has little success. She wrecks the cappucino machine, the instant coffee fools nobody, and the French press turns out to be tres blech! When Viv stops by one morning for breakfast on her way to work (she has since become a barista at a nearby cafe), she casually mentions to Vanda that her establishment only serves Maxwell House and it's a huge hit. Vanda immediately orders some, doctors it up with her only special brewing method, and soon Sam's is selling the best coffee in town. Viv is livid when she finds out Vanda "stole" her store's idea, and soon the two women are pitted against each other in a bitter coffee rivalry that Mary Jane must somehow settle. Episode 2: Charmed, I'm Shoyah! Mary Jane's got another new client: one Shirley Shopenhauer, a Brooklyn native who needs to gain a little "cultchah and clayass" in order to appease her new boyfriend's family. Remembering a story Lucy once told her about Kim impersonating a girl by the same name, Mary Jane jumps to the logical conclusion that it's Kim Carter in disguise, and that Lucy must've set her up to do it in order to judge how effective Mary Jane's techniques are. Mary Jane decides to get even with her now long-distance friend by putting Shirley through a ridiculous string of exercises and practice sessions to turn her into an over-the-top caricature of a high-society dame. Vanda stops by the next day to see how things are going, and she brings along a guest: one Kim Carter, who's delighted to bump into her old friend and muse Shirley. Mary Jane is aghast at what she's done but it's too late to undo the damage, as Shirley's fully absorbed everything Mary Jane taught her. Luckily, her boyfriend's family are a bunch of caricatures themselves, and absolutely love the change that's come about their prospective daughter-in-law and pay Mary Jane a huge bonus as a thank you. Special guest star: Candy Moore as Shirley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 These are both riots! As I was reading 2.1, for some reason I heard the following potentially future classic line in my head: Why don't you try Chock full o' Nuts?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Episode 2.3: I Don’t Remember Mama Neither Mary Jane nor Vanda can sleep so they decide to get up and be productive. After cleaning the kitchen shelves, they’re tired but still not sleepy so they settle in to watch the late, late showing of “I Remember Mama.” As the movie wears on, both women begin to feel guilty they only sent their mothers flowers and candy for Mother’s Day so they decide to bring both their mothers to their new digs for a weekend of fun in the sun. Mary Jane’s brash mother is the first to arrive, and immediately begins to needle her about her voice and putting way too much stock in being a LADY. Then Vanda’s adopted mother arrives by bus from New York (she’s scared of planes,trains, and cows) and immediately lays into her daughter. Soon enough, they both remember WHY they only sent their mothers flowers and candy on their big day and cook up a scheme to pawn the mother brigade off on Cynthia and Sam for the rest of the week. Special Guest Stars: Iris Adrian (Mary Jane’s mother), Butterfly McQueen (Vanda’s mother) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Episode 2.3: I Don’t Remember Mama Neither Mary Jane nor Vanda can sleep so they decide to get up and be productive. After cleaning the kitchen shelves, they’re tired but still not sleepy so they settle in to watch the late, late showing of “I Remember Mama.” As the movie wears on, both women begin to feel guilty they only sent their mothers flowers and candy for Mother’s Day so they decide to bring both their mothers to their new digs for a weekend of fun in the sun. Mary Jane’s brash mother is the first to arrive, and immediately begins to needle her about her voice and putting way too much stock in being a LADY. Then Vanda’s adopted mother arrives by bus from New York (she’s scared of planes,trains, and cows) and immediately lays into her daughter. Soon enough, they both remember WHY they only sent their mothers flowers and candy on their big day and cook up a scheme to pawn the mother brigade off on Cynthia and Sam for the rest of the week. Special Guest Stars: Iris Adrian (Mary Jane’s mother), Butterfly McQueen (Vanda’s mother) OMG I'm dying. The thought of Vanda and Butterfly playing mother and daughter is beyond inspired. And any show that incorporates Iris Adrian is good for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 2.4: Daisy Does it Her Way Mary Jane's snooty cousin, Daisy Enright, is back in town and nobody's happy about it. Daisy soon determines that Mary Jane's business is being run completely the wrong way and insists on taking over for a couple of days to straighten things out. Mary Jane and Vanda get even, however, by enlisting a bunch of their friends to pose as absurd clients with impossible-to-fix flaws to drive Daisy up the wall until she's begging to go back home. Featuring: Harry Carter as Prunilla Hobart III, who has an awful time dealing with her facial and leg hair and needs help waxing. Kim Carter and friend Peggy (Susan Tolsky) as the Wrigley sisters, who have incurable cases of social anxiety, claustrophobia and hives. Carol Krausmeyer as Penny Pritchard, who's awkward and homely to the point where it should be criminal. Craig Carter as Dweezil Ditbenner, a lascivious nerd with a sugar-mama complex who thinks Daisy is the bee's knees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Too much fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Featuring: Harry Carter as Prunilla Hobart III, who has an awful time dealing with her facial and leg hair and needs help waxing. Kim Carter and friend Peggy (Susan Tolsky) as the Wrigley sisters, who have incurable cases of social anxiety, claustrophbia and hives. Carol Krausmeyer as Penny Pritchard, who's awkward and homely to the point where it should be criminal. Craig Carter as Dweezil Ditbenner, a lascivious nerd with a sugar-mama complex who thinks Daisy is the bee's knees. !!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 2.5 - Who's Afraid of Vanda Barra? Mary Jane and Sid are nervous after Vanda takes a self-confidence course and becomes incredibly aggressive and confrontational. Will a Chantilly Cream Cake be able to calm her down enough for a little one on one talk? 2.6 - Mary Jane Lewis & Clark Mary Jane's got a new man in her life, a Mr. Fred Clark (guest star Fred MacMurray). Only thing is, he has three sons ( ) from his first marriage and Mary Jane's nervous that they won't like her. Fred suggests that they all go camping together, but the three boys aren't initially impressed. Luckily, Vanda trailed her in a station wagon, and has all sorts of tricks up her sleeve to make Mary Jane look good in front of the boys. Also featuring: Don Grady, Stanley Livingston and Tim Consadine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mot Morenzi Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 2.7 - Mary Jane's Receptionist Needing a little help organizing her ever growing list of appointments, Mary Jane hires a receptionist, Doris. She's great at first, but Vanda notices that Doris is shadowing Mary Jane just a little bit too much and begins to suspect Doris only took the job in order to sneak free charm lessons. After a little digging, the girls find out that Doris is a nightclub dancer who was trying to "class" up her act downtown, and they disguise themselves as "patrons" in order to covertly confront her. Guest Star: Doris Singleton. Mary Jane: Remember Vanda, you throw the singles up in the air to make it rain. Vanda: Rain? I've barley got enough bills to make it drizzle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 2.7 - Mary Jane's Receptionist Needing a little help organizing her ever growing list of appointments, Mary Jane hires a receptionist, Doris. She's great at first, but Vanda notices that Doris is shadowing Mary Jane just a little bit too much and begins to suspect Doris only took the job in order to sneak free charm lessons. After a little digging, the girls find out that Doris is a nightclub dancer who was trying to "class" up her act downtown, and they disguise themselves as "patrons" in order to covertly confront her. Guest Star: Doris Singleton. Mary Jane: Remember Vanda, you throw the singles up in the air to make it rain. Vanda: Rain? I've barley got enough bills to make it drizzle! Love this idea, particularly the opportunity for Doris to show off her musical chops. Just great! As is the brilliant M3S crossover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 2.8 – The Royal Recommendation Mary Jane is speechless when she picks up the phone one day to hear the secretary of the Sultan of Franistan (yes, they were annexed in the late 1950s) proposing a huge contract. It seems the Sultan wants to open up his relatively isolated Sultanate to the economic benefits of the west and is expecting a large delegation of western powers to his country within the year to explore the possibilities. In the meantime though, he wants his extensive harem of wives and concubines to be given the “finishing touches” so they’re camera ready for the west. That’s where Mary Jane comes in. Mary Jane’s services were recommended to him by his good friend the Prince of Montalbania so if Mary Jane is good enough for Phil, he’s good enough for him. Mary Jane, of course, accepts the contract and enlists Vanda to help get all their ducks in a row for their arrival. In the back of her mind, Vanda recalls reading years ago in one of the New York papers that some member of Franistanian royalty was just CRAZY about Latin American music and pulls some strings to get Ricky Ricardo and his orchestra to provide the entertainment for their arrival. Evidently Vanda didn’t get the memo that the item from the 50s was just a publicity stunt, so when Ricky starts up a rousing rendition of Babalu, the harem girls look around wondering, “Baba-who?” Special Guest Star: Desi Arnaz (Ricky Ricardo), Desi Arnaz (Sultan Hashem of Franistan) 2.9 – Cynthia’s Big Move As Mary Jane works hard to westernize the harem girls, Cynthia senses an opportunity. Working on the idea that Sultan Hashem will be less interested in his harem girls as Mary Jane makes a valiant attempt at their “upgrade”, Cynthia sets to work on her own personal “downgrade” to make herself seem weak and submissive in what she feels is the harem mould. She couldn’t be more wrong, however, and soon comes to realise the hard way that the Sultan likes his women strong and assertive and the only person she has turned on is her ex-husband Sam. Special Guest Star: Desi Arnaz 2.10 – Royal Rumble Mary Jane’s big project has attracted a lot of media attention, so when a good friend of the Sultan reads about what is going on in the Los Angeles Times, she immediately heads to Mary Jane’s charm school to exert what she feels is the true ROYAL brand of charm. The new visitor drives Mary Jane up the wall, contradicting almost every single module in her method and insisting that her way is the only way. The jig is up, however, when Vanda immediately recognizes her as her old rough-and-tumble Bronx Elementary School frienemy Rosita Harrigan, who she hasn’t seen since her own move to Danfield just before going into high school. Special Guest Star: Ann Sothern (Countess Framboise) 2.11 – Harem Scare’em Vanda is nothing but patriotic, so while Mary Jane has been trying to transform the women to her standards, Vanda’s incessant flag waving has also caused a ripple. She has so built up the American dream, she inadvertently causes three of the harem girls to defect to the United States, putting Mary Jane in the epicentre of an international incident. 2.12 – M.J. Deceased Mary Jane’s world is turned upside down when a tabloid hack publishes a “Where are they now?” piece for a dubious magazine. The problem? In a piece on child stars who couldn’t make the transition to talkies, he says that once she became of age, Dainty Jane embarked on a life of crime, taking on the guise of rich society matron Cynthia Harcourt, bilking alleged friends out of hundreds of thousands of dollars of local charities, before being gunned down in Miami by a rival gang of thugs from West Palm Beach. Mary Jane is caught in a bind. Only Vanda and Harry (and eventually Sam) came to know her secret, but with this news, should Mary Jane let Dainty June die with Cynthia or should she set the record straight that she has made a success of herself? 2.13 – Back to the Books Intrigued by the number of female University graduates that they’re coming into contact through both of their businesses, Mary Jane and Vanda begin to feel inadequate and decide to take Sally Struthers’ advice and join International Correspondence Schools. Mary Jane decides to take up a double major – “auto mechanics” as she already has a few credits from the course she did with Lucy (and she’s still wants to figure out where people put their cubbies), and interior decorating to add another facet to the business – and while she fully expected Vanda to enroll in hotel/restaurant management, she surprises everyone by taking gun repair (“a girl like me can’t be too careful”) and conservation. Conservation? Art or the environment? The environment, of cawse! I didn’t know you were a green nut! Sure, but Sally wasn’t offering any courses on geothermal energy. Geothermal energy?! what do you care about that? Someone needs to protect our hawt wahtah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted January 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 2.14 – Mary Jane’s Prized Pupil Mary Jane’s latest pupil is one of her best. The student (Patty Duke) always attends classes. She is always listening to her motivational tapes, and never forgets to work on her inner glow. She’s so impressed that she sings her praises to Vanda and Sam over a late night coffee on the cafe’s barstools. Taking everything in, Sam suggests that Mary Jane’s charm might be working a little bit too well and the student has actually fallen for Mary Jane. Both girls just laugh the thought off and head home, but over a sleepless night, Vanda starts to wonder whether Sam might be right and she fears her feelings might soon be answered when the student invites Mary Jane for a weekend in Catalina just the two of them. Fearing Mary Jane too innocent to tell her point blank that her student has other intentions, Vanda and Sam trail Mary Jane to Catalina to try to keep the two women apart without them knowing they’re trying to keep the two of them apart. Listen to this, Vanda! Cathy wants us to go away on a girls weekend to Catalina. That’s great! When do we leave? Oh... well, listen to this. *reads* “Let’s go to Catalina. I have booked a bed and breakfast and Vanda can stay here and take the calls while we’re away.” Oh, my gawd! (continues) “...and bring your tennis raquet...” Oh, my gawd!! (continues) “...and I’ve booked us for a foursome...” Oh, my GAWD! (continues) “...for golf.” Oh. OH!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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