KansasHouse Julielu Playhouse Presents: "The Metro Girls"

[Mot Morenzi]

Here is a new series guide, based on the Punchy Players pairing of Lucy, Judy Garland and Julie Andrews (along with Ann Miller).

Acknowledgements to Brock and Neil for originating this concept on the alternate titles thread.

 

01 - We'll Build A Bungalow (Big Enough for Three)

 

Three of the worlds most renowned actresses (Garland, Ball and Andrews) unite for a new series playing fictionalized versions of themselves. This first outing finds Ball and Garland both bumping into each other at the Piggly Wiggly. Lucy has just wrapped her latest television series and is exhaused, while Garland has just finished another of her successful concert tours. Both ready for a break, they discuss their desire for a vacation with Ann Miller, who moonlights as a checkout clerk. Ann points to a notice on the community message board that advertises for two roommates to rent a summer house with in Malibu. Lucy and Judy call on the address and find its none other than Julie Andrews! Julie is only too happy to rent the rooms to Judy and Lucy, and the three of them settle down for some summer fun...and all three discover their mutual love for sponge cake.

 

02 - Judy Get Your Gun

 

When the girls learn that the local cinemas will be showcasing a series of classic MGM musicals that weekend (including several of Lucy and Judy's classics) they are all very excited and buy new dresses for the occasion. The theatre is only too delighted to showcase these three great actresses and arranges for autograph sessions to be held after the festival. But Judy's good mood goes south when she learns that the theatre was unable to obtain "Meet Me in St. Louis" after all and instead got "Annie Get Your Gun". Still depressed that she wasn't able to complete the film all those years ago, Judy decides not to attend after all. Worried about Judy, Lucy and Julie call upon Betty Hutton to cheer Judy up, and Betty talks Judy into performing "Anything You Can Do" at the theatre with her, allowing both Annies to finally shine together. If that wasn't enough, Julie arranges to sing "I Could've Danced All Night" with Audrey Hepburn and Lucy sings "Bosom Buddies" with Angela Lansbury.

 

03 - Swimming in the Rain

 

It's such a lovely day out that the girls decide to have a picnic on the beach, which is thankfully in their backyard. But the weather turns foul fast, and soon the wind has blown all the food into the ocean and the ladies are drenched. Unfortunately, Lucy had tossed the house keys into the picnic basket, which is now floating out in the ocean. They then stand around in the rain fighting about who's going to swim out there and get it before it sinks.

[Brock]

Here is a new series guide, based on the Punchy Players pairing of Lucy, Judy Garland and Julie Andrews (along with Ann Miller).

Acknowledgements to Brock and Neil for originating this concept on the alternate titles thread.

 

 

03 - Swimming in the Rain

 

It's such a lovely day out that the girls decide to have a picnic on the beach, which is thankfully in their backyard. But the weather turns foul fast, and soon the wind has blown all the food into the ocean and the ladies are drenched. Unfortunately, Lucy had tossed the house keys into the picnic basket, which is now floating out in the ocean. They then stand around in the rain fighting about who's going to swim out there and get it before it sinks.

 

Please tell me Shelley Winters floats by and comes to the rescue.

 

These are all INSANELY brilliant!

[Mot Morenzi]

04 - A Roomful of Sugar

 

Lucy decides to surprise her roomies by baking them a cake. However, due to a blotch on the cookbook page, she misreads "3 cups of sugar" as "300 cups of sugar", and calls a wholesale supplier to deliver all the necessary sugar to the Malibu beachhouse. Expecting it to arrive in standard bags, she is shocked when she learns that bulk orders are delivered in 50 pound sacks, which are soon piled up all over the house. Things get even worse when Judy bursts through the door wielding a sword, demonstrating for Julie a scene from "The Pirate", and slashes up half the bags before she realizes what's happened. Now everyone must bag up and rid the house of sugar before the ants arrive. At least they've got enough to make the medicine go down!

 

05 - The Toy Next Door

 

The girls become very intrigued by the sight of an odd swing in their neighbor's window, and all wonder what it is used for. Insomniac Judy finds out that night when she goes downstairs for a nightcap and sees it in use. She is so shellshocked the next morning that she won't speak, which makes Lucy resort to pantomime to discover what happened on the swing, with only Judy's nods or head shakes as clues!

 

06 - The Hound of Music

 

Animal lover Julie comes home with an adorable stray dog, and both Lucy and Judy are hoping to keep him. But when the dog's nighttime howling becomes apparent, they change their minds and go hunting for the owner. When it becomes clear the little dog doesn't have an owner, however, Lucy must disguise herself as the dog's owner to take him away, with Judy ready behind the wheel of the getaway car in case Julie catches on.

 

07 - Valley of the Shawls

 

Bargain hunter Judy still has no sales resistance, and comes home with a carload of various shawls from a craft fair. Julie and Lucy, deciding to make the best of it, organize an impromptu fashion show in the neighborhood, with all their celebrity friends modeling the shawls for prospective buyers. Lucy is more than a little annoyed at having to wear the tweed one, especially after falling asleep out in the backyard and getting burned. But the audience, thinking it's a deliberate "I Love Lucy" take off, laps it up, and the tweed shawl sells for more money than any of the others. (Shawl models include: Eve Arden, Ann Miller, Vivian Vance, Shelia MacRae, Kay Thompson, Kaye Ballard, Esther Williams, Cyd Charisse, Doris Singleton, Mary Jane Croft, Lana Turner, Elizabeth Montgomery, Barbara Eden, and Milton Berle)

[Neil]

“Where Are Our Wandering Mothers Tonight?”

 

Guest stars Lorna Luft and Lucie Arnaz.

Lorna and Lucie’s mothers are feeling dejected so the daughters invite Lucy and Judy over so spend the weekend… and then take off for an evening of coke-snorting revelry at Studio 54 leaving Judy and Lucy to kill time at a neighborhood karaoke bar.

Dirty Jack: Hermes Pan.

Musical numbers:

“Born in a Funk Medley”…Judy

“Ya Gotta See Your Mama Every Night”….Lucy

[Mot Morenzi]

“Where Are Our Wandering Mothers Tonight?”

 

Guest stars Lorna Luft and Lucie Arnaz.

Lorna and Lucie’s mothers are feeling dejected so the daughters invite Lucy and Judy over so spend the weekend… and then take off for an evening of coke-snorting revelry at Studio 54 leaving Judy and Lucy to kill time at a neighborhood karaoke bar.

Dirty Jack: Hermes Pan.

Musical numbers:

“Born in a Funk Medley”…Judy

“Ya Gotta See Your Mama Every Night”….Lucy

 

LOL, born in a funk. I guess Desi and Liza were off cavorting together...

[Mot Morenzi]

09 - Bang Bang Bang Went the Trolley

 

Judy entertains the passenger of a street car one day by singing the Trolley song. Well the driver is so overwhelmed that he causes it to crash. Threatening a lawsuit, Judy must go into hiding while Julie and Lucy work up a countersuit and defend Judy in court dressed in matching tuxedos, posing as the law firm "Victor & Victor, Esq."

[JoeySanJoaquin]

09 - Bang Bang Bang Went the Trolley

 

Judy entertains the passenger of a street car one day by singing the Trolley song. Well the driver is so overwhelmed that he causes it to crash. Threatening a lawsuit, Judy must go into hiding while Julie and Lucy work up a countersuit and defend Judy in court dressed in matching tuxedos, posing as the law firm "Victor & Victor, Esq."

Not up to your standard!

[Lucyilove]

02 - Judy Get Your Gun

 

When the girls learn that the local cinemas will be showcasing a series of classic MGM musicals that weekend (including several of Lucy and Judy's classics) they are all very excited and buy new dresses for the occasion. The theatre is only too delighted to showcase these three great actresses and arranges for autograph sessions to be held after the festival. But Judy's good mood goes south when she learns that the theatre was unable to obtain "Meet Me in St. Louis" after all and instead got "Annie Get Your Gun". Still depressed that she wasn't able to complete the film all those years ago, Judy decides not to attend after all. Worried about Judy, Lucy and Julie call upon Betty Hutton to cheer Judy up, and Betty talks Judy into performing "Anything You Can Do" at the theatre with her, allowing both Annies to finally shine together. If that wasn't enough, Julie arranges to sing "I Could've Danced All Night" with Audrey Hepburn and Lucy sings "Bosom Buddies" with Angela Lansbury.

 

Whaaaaaattttttt???? Ethel Merman was not invited to make it a trio of Annies??

 

And shouldn't Carol Channing show up with a truckload of Dollys - Barbara Streisand, Pearl Bailey, Ginger Rogers, Betty Grable, Dorothy Lamour, Eve Arden, Martha Raye?

 

Of course the sisterhood mood is destroyed when La Streisand emerges from the Dolly chorus line at the finale with an unscheduled and unauthorized belting out of "I Am the Greatest Star".

[Mot Morenzi]

Not up to your standard!

 

 

Well, how about some of my earlier ones?

[Neil]

Not up to your standard!

 

Everyone's a critic!

[Neil]

“Mame That Tune’

 

The household is a-buzz when Warners is set to announce their choice for the title role in the movie version of “Mame”. Julie and Judy have reasonable optimism that they’ll get the part and are polishing off their impressive musical resumes. Even Ann is hopeful having actually played the role and mars the kitchen floor re-perfecting her tap routine to “That’s How Young I Feel”. The Daily Variety arrives as Lucy is showering and the girls scour the magazine for “Mame” casting info; and just as their 6 eyes focus on the headline announcing Warners’ choice, they hear from the shower “Light….the …..Candles…Get the ice ou-----t” prompting the 3 gals let out a real “Rudy Vallee squeal” in unison.

Jack Warner: Cliff Norton

[JoeySanJoaquin]

Well, how about some of my earlier ones?

Primo, kid!

[Luvsbway]

That one is awesome.

[Brock]

The Thousand Dollar Idea

Lucy is hosting a smart lunch party for the girls, including Ann Miller and Shirley Booth, but is mortified that in the middle of the luncheon Patty Duke shows up with her baby son with various outrageous demands. While Lucy takes Patty off to another room for a confrontation, baby Sean is transfixed when Ann whips out the latest in the Ann Miller Frog Collection to keep him occupied. Sensing a nation-wide rollout might be the best thing to get Annie out of the drudgery of her hours at the Pig and Aunt Fanny’s, Judy takes Lucy and the two come up with a sales pitch. Their plan? A half hour infomercial on late-night TV, hosted by Shirley reprising her Hazel character as a home efficiency expert taking testimonials from Lucy in various disguises. Under Judy’s direction, however, it rapidly turns into a 30 minute spectacular from the dream factory – including special guest star Esther Williams swimming underwater with a bewigged, tap dancing amphibian.

 

Guest Stars: Shirley Booth, Esther Williams, Patty Duke

[Mot Morenzi]

12 - We're Off to See the Blizzard

 

Judy's been booked for a gig way up north in Alaska. Julie and Lucy decide to accompany her for moral support as Judy's never been up there before. Unfortuantely, Lucy books a hotel nearly 50 miles away from the concert venue, which proves troublesome when a blizzard strikes during the drive over to the venue the night of the concert. When Julie reminds Lucy that she once did a similar episode with Red Skelton, Lucy attempts to solve the problem by hiring a small plane to fly Judy to the venue.They get up in the air okay, but the ground near the building is so covered with snow the plane can't land. Judy then has to belt her entire selection out the plane window while it circles above the concert house, to great fanfare, while Julie stares Lucy down with her "another fine mess you've gotten us into" expression.

[vivfantoo*]

You guys are all a hoot!

 

Lotus Bud, without a doubt, Jess, Bob & Madelyn would have hired you to write for them!

[Mot Morenzi]

You guys are all a hoot!

 

Lotus Bud, without a doubt, Jess, Bob & Madelyn would have hired you to write for them!

 

 Thank you. That's a lovely compliment. One of these days I'll have to try working up a spect script based on one of my concepts.

[Neil]

 Thank you. That's a lovely compliment. One of these days I'll have to try working up a spect script based on one of my concepts.

As long as this isn't scheduled opposite "The Charlotte Peters Show", I would watch it every week!

[Brock]

LUCY TEACHES VIRGINIA O’BRIEN TO SWING

On their weekly trip to The Pig to get school lunch groceries for Lucie, Desi, Lorna, and Joey, Lucy and Judy find a downcast Virginia O’Brien working at the deli counter. Taking them aside, Ann explains to the girls that Virginia needed to pick up some hours after Metro got sick of her deadpan routine. As luck would have it, Heather was off on maternity leave, so this was a perfect opportunity for Virginia. As Ann goes off on a lengthy monologue pondering how Heather ever bagged a man in her blue jeans and p’ercings, Lucy and Judy decide the best thing to do is to bring Virginia home to teach her how to run the gamut of emotions from A to well past B. Back at home, Lucy teaches Virginia all she needs to know about physical comedy, while Judy teaches her how to really belt out a song. Things are going swimmingly until Virginia receives a job offer from a prominent Swedish director (Phil Ober) who thinks her deadpan delivery would be perfect for his next trademark morose human drama. Auditioning, the girls are horrified to discover that they’ve thoroughly broken her of her schtick and can’t get through one scene of Ingmar’s drama without breaking into an unnecessary musical number, followed by a pratfall. Before the director leaves Town, they have one last shot of landing Virginia the job, so they enlist Julie to re-educate Virginia on the art of a stiff upper lip.

 

JUDY OPENS A NEW WINDOW

After Lucy comes to blows with Madeline Kahn on the set of Mame, Judy and Julie jostle for position to become Gooch to Lucy’s Mame. Going back to the source material, Julie tries to convince Warners to make the character more Muldoon than Gooch. Judy, however, attempts to seduce Jerry Herman. Realising she was barking up the wrong tree, Judy decides to go method, lures Gene Saks to a Pennsylvania motel, and comes back with the part and…another souvenir. Things get ugly on set though when Judy turns Gooch’s Song into a torch song for the ages and Bea Arthur starts to suspect something.

[JoeySanJoaquin]

LUCY TEACHES VIRGINIA O’BRIEN TO SWING

On their weekly trip to The Pig to get school lunch groceries for Lucie, Desi, Lorna, and Joey, Lucy and Judy find a downcast Virginia O’Brien working at the deli counter. Taking them aside, Ann explains to the girls that Virginia needed to pick up some hours after Metro got sick of her deadpan routine. As luck would have it, Heather was off on maternity leave, so this was a perfect opportunity for Virginia. As Ann goes off on a lengthy monologue pondering how Heather ever bagged a man in her blue jeans and p’ercings, Lucy and Judy decide the best thing to do is to bring Virginia home to teach her how to run the gamut of emotions from A to well past B. Back at home, Lucy teaches Virginia all she needs to know about physical comedy, while Judy teaches her how to really belt out a song. Things are going swimmingly until Virginia receives a job offer from a prominent Swedish director (Phil Ober) who thinks her deadpan delivery would be perfect for his next trademark morose human drama. Auditioning, the girls are horrified to discover that they’ve thoroughly broken her of her schtick and can’t get through one scene of Ingmar’s drama without breaking into an unnecessary musical number, followed by a pratfall. Before the director leaves Town, they have one last shot of landing Virginia the job, so they enlist Julie to re-educate Virginia on the art of a stiff upper lip.

 

JUDY OPENS A NEW WINDOW

After Lucy comes to blows with Madeline Kahn on the set of Mame, Judy and Julie jostle for position to become Gooch to Lucy’s Mame. Going back to the source material, Julie tries to convince Warners to make the character more Muldoon than Gooch. Judy, however, attempts to seduce Jerry Herman. Realising she was barking up the wrong tree, Judy decides to go method, lures Gene Saks to a Pennsylvania motel, and comes back with the part and…another souvenir. Things get ugly on set though when Judy turns Gooch’s Song into a torch song for the ages and Bea Arthur starts to suspect something.