"Lucy, the Peacemaker" sequels

[Neil]

Though the last season of "Here's Lucy" averaged only 29th place in the Nielsens, several episodes did really well.  From my limited access to the individual weekly ratings for that season, "Lucy the Peacemaker" with Steve and Eydie was the highest rated episode of the season coming in at #6 for the week.  (Harry, feel free to correct me...).  

 

Flashback to 1973:

Taking note of this, the head writer (was there one???) decided to expand on the "Peacemaker" theme with other guest stars.

 

First up:

"Lucy, the Peacemaker---part 2" guest stars Olivia deHavilland and Joan Fontainne

 

Good samaritan Lucy wants to bring two estranged sisters together (Guest stars: Olivia deHavilland and Joan Fontaine) so she pleads with each to enter the Encino Celebrity Pie Baking Contest, a fund raiser for a local children's hospital.   When Olivia's pie wins, she gives a condescending acceptance speech, slipping in a reference to her two Oscars to Joan's one.    Joan seethes and roomful of contest entries become weapons in a sisterly free-for-all!

 

Next week's guest stars: Patty and Maxine Andrews!

[Neil]

"Lucy, the Peacemaker-part 3"  with guest stars Patty and Maxine Andrews

 

 

Separately, estranged Andrews sisters Patty and Maxine enlist the Unique Employment Agency to find a singer to portray the other sister in a planned revival of "Over Here" set to inaugurate the Hungry Hippie nightclub's new dinner-theater format. 

Without telling the other, Lucy matches them up, but, as usual, her well-intentioned meddling backfires...

When the battling sisters make their entrances from either side of the stage wearing the same dress, the fur (and everything else!) flies! 

The fight is over when Patty, fresh from her stint on “Celebrity Bowling” beans Maxine on the head with the bowling ball still stuck on her hand.

Barbara Nichols: Herself. *

 

*In case people are unaware, in a recent Decades-TV showing of a 1972 episode of “Celebrity Bowling”, the two teams were Patty Andrews and Barbara Nichols vs. Nannette Fabray and Marilyn Maxwell.  I’m NOT making this up!  Needless to say, these celebrities were not picked for their bowling prowess.  In fact, Barbara throws more gutter balls than not. 

 

Next episode's guests: Bette Davis and Joan Crawford (or Talulah Bankhead and Gloria Swanson, depending on how the week goes). 

[Mot Morenzi]

Hah! Love 'em! Great concept.

[Neil]

"Lucy, the Peacemaker-Conclusion (Part 4)"  guest stars Joan Crawford and Bette Davis  and a special surprise cameo

 

(Despite their slight misunderstanding during the filming of "Lucy and the Lost Star", the ratings were so stellar that Lucille Ball once again hires Joan Crawford as her guest star in this episode.)

 

Harry's little theater group is putting on a musical version of "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" with Lucy as Jane, Harry as Edwin Flagg, Vanda as Elvira, Mary Jane as (that nosy) Mrs. Bates next door and Kim as her daughter.   The demand for “more Joan Crawford movies” generated by “Speakeasy Days” has died down so Joan’s agent urges her to join the cast reprising her Blanche Hudson role.

 

Unbeknownst to Lucy and Joan, Bette Davis gets wind of the production and attends the opening.  When Lucy faints during her first song in Act 2, Bette leaps to the wings and quickly gets into costume as her replacement, ready to play the next scene with relish: the one when Jane catches Blanche on the phone spilling the beans about Jane's shenanigans, followed by Jane kicking Blanche around and subsequently gagging her and tying her to her bed. (For the musical this sequenced is choreographed as a ballet by Agnes deMille). 

 

Just when Bette is set to make her entrance, a woman pushes her aside as says "I’ll do this scene".  Bette turns around ready for a fight ,but when she discovers it's Christiana Crawford with a wire hanger in one hand and a can of Bon-Ami in the other, she relents: "Be MY guest!!" as a terrified Joan/Blanche looks into the wings from onstage.

Songs:

“Hey, Run Her Over”

“Tasty, Tasty Rat”

“That’s What I Want for Jane”

“You’re A Liar (Ya Always Were)”

“(I Likes to Do) What Scares My Blanchey”

“If She Wheeled Into My Life”

“Fall Down a New Staircase/ Give a Little Push-y” medley

and Jane’s big 11:00 show-stopper

“That’s How Dumb I Feel”

(“I have a feeling my drinks were tripled

I punch the gas and my sister’s crippled

Yes, that's how dumb I feel”)

 

Production note: LBP had Talullah Bankhead and Gloria Swanson on standy-by in case either of the guest stars was not able to "cut it".

[Brock]

BRILLIANT!

 

More! More!

[Brock]

and Jane’s big 11:00 show-stopper

“That’s How Dumb I Feel”

(“I have a feeling my drinks were tripled

I punch the gas and my sister’s crippled

Yes, that's how dumb I feel”)

 

 

 

!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm mad for my big, lead feet

Have to hide in the rummmm-blllllllle seat.

Say Blanche drove the Chevy.

[Mot Morenzi]

"Lucy, the Peacemaker-Conclusion (Part 4)"  guest stars Joan Crawford and Bette Davis  and a special surprise cameo

 

(Despite their slight misunderstanding during the filming of "Lucy and the Lost Star", the ratings were so stellar that Lucille Ball once again hires Joan Crawford as her guest star in this episode.)

 

Harry's little theater group is putting on a musical version of "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" with Lucy as Jane, Harry as Edwin Flagg, Vanda as Elvira, Mary Jane as (that nosy) Mrs. Bates next door and Kim as her daughter.   The demand for “more Joan Crawford movies” generated by “Speakeasy Days” has died down so Joan’s agent urges her to join the cast reprising her Blanche Hudson role.

 

Unbeknownst to Lucy and Joan, Bette Davis gets wind of the production and attends the opening.  When Lucy faints during her first song in Act 2, Bette leaps to the wings and quickly gets into costume as her replacement, ready to play the next scene with relish: the one when Jane catches Blanche on the phone spilling the beans about Jane's shenanigans, followed by Jane kicking Blanche around and subsequently gagging her and tying her to her bed. (For the musical this sequenced is choreographed as a ballet by Agnes deMille). 

 

Just when Bette is set to make her entrance, a woman pushes her aside as says "I’ll do this scene".  Bette turns around ready for a fight ,but when she discovers it's Christiana Crawford with a wire hanger in one hand and a can of Bon-Ami in the other, she relents: "Be MY guest!!" as a terrified Joan/Blanche looks into the wings from onstage.

Songs:

“Hey, Run Her Over”

“Tasty, Tasty Rat”

“That’s What I Want for Jane”

“You’re A Liar (Ya Always Were)”

“(I Likes to Do) What Scares My Blanchey”

“If She Wheeled Into My Life”

“Fall Down a New Staircase/ Give a Little Push-y” medley

and Jane’s big 11:00 show-stopper

“That’s How Dumb I Feel”

(“I have a feeling my drinks were tripled

I punch the gas and my sister’s crippled

Yes, that's how dumb I feel”)

 

Production note: LBP had Talullah Bankhead and Gloria Swanson on standy-by in case either of the guest stars was not able to "cut it".

Instant classic!

[Mot Morenzi]

Merging this concept with the modern day update of Here's Lucy idea:

 

Part 5 - Glenn Close and Patti LuPone

 

Harry and Kim are staging a one-off performance of "Sunset Boulevard" to kick off their newly formed theatrical production agency. Naturally, they want Glenn Close to reprise her Tony-winning performance just like she did in London in April, 2016. Unbeknownst to them, Lucy approaches her old friend Patti. Having mended Patti's career and taught her how to sing again, she thinks this is the ideal chance for her to make her mark in the role, unlike the first time. Patti reluctantly agrees. Unfortunately, both she and Glenn sign contracts, and when Kim and Harry get wind of it they're thrown into a panic. Both women will have to do the show at the same time.

 

Lucy initially tries to keep both actresses hidden from each other during the night of the performance, locking Glenn in her dressing room until after "With One Look." Then she shoves Patti into the broom closet and lets Glenn assume the part for the next scene. Come intermission, both Patti and Glenn have figured things out and are apoplectic. Neither one refuses to relinquish the part, turning act II into an all out diva bloodbath.

 

After unsuccessfully trying to drop the mansion set on her head, Glenn resorts to barreling Patti down in the Isotta Frascini during "As If We Never Said Goodbye," while Patti's brutal massage proves to Glenn that eternal youth is not worth any suffering. Later, Lucy just barely stops Patti from replacing the blanks in the gun with real bullets for the final scene, but she can't prevent the dueling Normas from having a balcony cat fight and tumbling down the stairs together, right into the prop swimming pool situated in the orchestra pit. Soaked to the skin and thoroughly embarrassed, the women are finally convinced by Lucy to let bygones be bygones, and all three set off for London to put starch in Andrew Lloyd Webber's shorts.