Neil Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Am enjoying Hallmark's ILL marathon this weekend, whose main sponsor is "Duculax Stool Softener". I wonder if they considered re-editing and re-dubbing a couple of scenes for cast commercials. "First Stop" Instead of toothpaste, Ethel says "I forgot my stool softener". And imagine the subsequent scene where Ethel emerges from the bathroom after the train scares her! "Million Dollar Idea" Fred: "Lucy, this is the best stool softener I've ever tasted. You should put it on the market." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Am enjoying Hallmark's ILL marathon this weekend, whose main sponsor is "Duculax Stool Softener". I wonder if they considered re-editing and re-dubbing a couple of scenes for cast commercials. "First Stop" Instead of toothpaste, Ethel says "I forgot my stool softener". And imagine the subsequent scene where Ethel emerges from the bathroom after the train scares her! "Million Dollar Idea" Fred: "Lucy, this is the best stool softener I've ever tasted. You should put it on the market." !!!!! JOB SWITCHING: What do you do when your stool softens? ... Is that so? LA AT LAST: This California Sun sure makes your stool soft! LUCY GOES TO SCOTLAND: Youuuuuuuu soften the dragon's stool, the dragon's embracable stool... LUCY RAISES TULIPS: Well, you were right! Oh, it was so soft, it was softer than the inside of your... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 !!!!! JOB SWITCHING: What do you do when your stool softens? ... Is that so? LA AT LAST: This California Sun sure makes your stool soft! LUCY GOES TO SCOTLAND: Youuuuuuuu soften the dragon's stool, the dragon's embracable stool... LUCY RAISES TULIPS: Well, you were right! Oh, it was so soft, it was softer than the inside of your... Double Especially this one:LA AT LAST: This California Sun sure makes your stool soft! LUCY TELLS THE TRUTH: Lucy (to Ethel) "And your stool's so hard you don't know what cards have been played." Marion cackles "I'm sorry, Ethel but it's so TRUE!" Lucy: "And Marion stop cackling. If you used Ducolax, you could have laid that egg by now." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C L A U D E Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Double Especially this one:LA AT LAST: This California Sun sure makes your stool soft! LUCY TELLS THE TRUTH: Lucy (to Ethel) "And your stool's so hard you don't know what cards have been played." Marion cackles "I'm sorry, Ethel but it's so TRUE!" Lucy: "And Marion stop cackling. If you used Ducolax, you could have laid that egg by now." You two just HAVE to apply as writers at SNL, they sure could USE you two! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Mr. and Mrs. TV Show: Ricky: It’s so soft! Lucy: it’s thanks to Duculax Stool Softener. Stool always feels different when they fix it – I don’t know what they do with it! Oh, girls! I just wanted to tell you something that happened to me, it was so exciting yesterday. I got out of bed feeling rather drab and dull... you know, sort of errrhhhh... and then I took a Duculax! And I had the most adorable bowel movement and the DREAMIEST feeling of relief and I got the full treatment with the Duculax Colonic Irrigation system. Well, I just FELT like a NEW WOMAN! If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to show you with Duculax did for me! Will you excuse me? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Mr. and Mrs. TV Show: Ricky: It’s so soft! Lucy: it’s thanks to Duculax Stool Softener. Stool always feels different when they fix it – I don’t know what they do with it! Oh, girls! I just wanted to tell you something that happened to me, it was so exciting yesterday. I got out of bed feeling rather drab and dull... you know, sort of errrhhhh... and then I took a Duculax! And I had the most adorable bowel movement and the DREAMIEST feeling of relief and I got the full treatment with the Duculax Colonic Irrigation system. Well, I just FELT like a NEW WOMAN! If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to show you with Duculax did for me! Will you excuse me? We may be getting just a LITTLE too base here. However, no worse than SNL writers......... SOOOOOO....... continuing with Mr. and Mrs. TV Show aka "Ducolax Stool Softener Presents Breakfast with Ricky and Lucy" "When your stool is hard as tacks Soften it with Ducolax. Take a pill, then out your bottom Movements smooth and you have got 'em..." I'm too ASHAMED to go on!.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 I'm too ASHAMED to go on!.... Oh, come now! Of course, all bets are off when Duculax changes their marketing campaign to directly slander their main competition: Lucy: I’m not one to complain, but I had a miserable night! I was trying to sleep after taking a Phillips Milk of Magnesia. Ricky: But darling! Phillips Milk of Magnesia rocks your bowels to sleep! Lucy: You mean it makes you feel as though you’re sleeping on rocks! Ricky: Stool! Lucy: That’s right! *thud* Lucy: Stool always feels different when they fix it. I don’t know WHAT they do to it! Oh, girls! I want to tell you something that happened to me. I out of bed yesterday feeling real BLAH!, just like a real slob! And then I took a Phillips – and boy what it did to me! If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to SHOW you what Phillips did for me. Excuse me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 After the Havana jailer puts Ducolax into the water jug: Lucy: Watch that first movement. It's a dilly! Susie: I want my mother to taste this! NOW I know why this topic is called: "STOP THAT! NOW GO BACK AND SIT DOWN!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 After the Havana jailer puts Ducolax into the water jug: Lucy: Watch that first movement. It's a dilly! Susie: I want my mother to taste this! Waiter Dear Henry loses it and laces the Ricardo and Mertz meals with Ducolax. Stand by for another troop movement! Ricky's Movie Contract: Ethel: Any movement? Lucy: Not yet. Ethel: Wonder why? Lucy: Don't know. Ethel: How's he? Lucy: Just awful. Ethel: No kidding? Lucy: Getting worse! Fred: Why haven't you given him Ducolax? So we really did have some Ducolax today. WE HAD SOME DUCOLAX! GET UP!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C L A U D E Posted March 14, 2011 Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Waiter Dear Henry loses it and laces the Ricardo and Mertz meals with Ducolax. Stand by for another troop movement! Ricky's Movie Contract: Ethel: Any movement? Lucy: Not yet. Ethel: Wonder why? Lucy: Don't know. Ethel: How's he? Lucy: Just awful. Ethel: No kidding? Lucy: Getting worse! Fred: Why haven't you given him Ducolax? So we really did have some Ducolax today. WE HAD SOME DUCOLAX! GET UP!!! OMG, i just realized you are talking about a REAL product, called COLLASSE here in French, colle meaning STICKING and ASS well, you know . . . i thought the whole point was having it NOT STICK to one's ass . . .Oh and by the way, you two provided loads of laughs with this, do start another one soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 Stand by for another troop movement! This can't be topped!!! "Lucy is NG as RN for BMs" Harry's nervousness about giving a speech before Lucy's Girl Friday Association results in constipation, so Lucy mixes Ducolax into his beef hash but without her contact lenses misreads the dosage. Ducolax could also figure into the plot of "Lucy Runs the Rapids" with a name change "Lucy's Runs ARE Rapid"!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C L A U D E Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 Stand by for another troop movement! This can't be topped!!! "Lucy is NG as RN for BMs" Harry's nervousness about giving a speech before Lucy's Girl Friday Association results in constipation, so Lucy mixes Ducolax into his beef hash but without her contact lenses misreads the dosage. Ducolax could also figure into the plot of "Lucy Runs the Rapids" with a name change "Lucy's Runs ARE Rapid"!! OMG quit your current job immediately and get a job WRITING in HOLLYWOOD please!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 OMG quit your current job immediately and get a job WRITING in HOLLYWOOD please!!!!! And WHAT IF whazhizname had substituted Ducolax for itching powder before Lucy recites her "To Be or Not To Be" soliloquy in "Gets Her Diploma"? To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer...AACH!.. The slings and arrows of outrageous constipation, Or to take arms against a sea of.....UH OH!..(raises hand) Teacher: Yes, Lucille? Do you have a question? Lucy: No, has this changed since I was in school? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C L A U D E Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 And WHAT IF whazhizname had substituted Ducolax for itching powder before Lucy recites her "To Be or Not To Be" soliloquy in "Gets Her Diploma"? To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer...AACH!.. The slings and arrows of outrageous constipation, Or to take arms against a sea of.....UH OH!..(raises hand) Teacher: Yes, Lucille? Do you have a question? Lucy: No, has this changed since I was in school? Puhleeeeeeeeeze submit all of those to SNL as an audition, it's funnier than anything they've done on that show in years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONALISAISMONALUCY Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 "What is the royal menu for the historic banquet?" "It's a new dish your majesty, Roast Duckling Supreme." (tasting the morsel)"THE SAUCE IS DELICIOUS!!! What is it?" "Mandarin Orange." "It tastes like DUCULAX!!!" "Duculax?" "Duculax?" SURPRISE!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 "What is the royal menu for the historic banquet?" "It's a new dish your majesty, Roast Duckling Supreme." (tasting the morsel)"THE SAUCE IS DELICIOUS!!! What is it?" "Mandarin Orange." "It tastes like DUCULAX!!!" "Duculax?" "Duculax?" SURPRISE!!! lol! But this scene makes no sense since for some odd reason they cut the earlier exchange at dinner when Lucy's dessert "Duculaz Tapioca" is destroyed. Talullah: This is my lucky day. Duculax gives me the RUNS!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 "What is the royal menu for the historic banquet?" "It's a new dish your majesty, Roast Duckling Supreme." (tasting the morsel)"THE SAUCE IS DELICIOUS!!! What is it?" "Mandarin Orange." "It tastes like DUCULAX!!!" "Duculax?" "Duculax?" SURPRISE!!! !!! lol! But this scene makes no sense since for some odd reason they cut the earlier exchange at dinner when Lucy's dessert "Duculaz Tapioca" is destroyed. Talullah: This is my lucky day. Duculax gives me the RUNS!" A seasonal arc: "Lucy Drives a Dump Truck" -- Lucy gets a job as a door-to-door Ducolax salesman. "The Loophole in the Lease" -- Lucy threatens to raise Viv's rent after Sherman ODs on Ducolax and floods the upstairs bathroom. "Lucy & The Plumber" -- With the Carmichael & Bagley families reunited, Jack Benny comes over to assess the damage. "Lucy, The Bean Queen" -- A raucous fight of the Danfield Volunteers leads Audrey Simmons and Thelma Green to recommend beans as a Ducolax alternative to Danfield's high society. Lucy tries to corner the legume market. "Lucy & Viv Become Tycoons" -- After a short stint in hospital due to an intestinal blockage, Lucy and Viv give Grandma Sutton a basket of Ducolax-laced brownies and they are the hit of the Danfield Seniors' Centre. "Chris Goes Steady" -- Lucy and Viv try to help Chris become regular. "Lucy Becomes an Astronaut" -- The Ducolax corporation selects Lucy to test out the effects of Ducolax in zero gravity. "Lucy & Viv Play Softball" -- Lucy & Viv sponsor a local sports team to promote their product thinking stool SOFTeners and SOFTball are a natural fit. "Lucy Gets Locked in the Vault" -- Lucy and Mooney get locked in the bank vault and the only thing Lucy has to consume is a box of Ducolax. "Lucy & The Safe Cracker" -- Lucy hires a former safe cracker to get Mooney out of the vault before he has to use all that beaufiful money as toilet paper. "Lucy & The Bank Scandal" -- Lucy starts a rumour that Mooney is an embezzler as a revenge for investing her trust fund in Milk of Magnesia stock. "Lucy Is Her Own Lawyer" -- Lucy defends herself after Mooney sues her for defamation and aggravating his IBS. "Lucy's Contact Lenses" -- Vision impaired, Lucy accidently slips Grandma Sutton a brownie with kaopectate. "Lucy, the Stock Holder" -- Lucy discovers her Milk of Magnesia stock actually gives her some sway in the company. "Lucy Saves Milton Berle" -- Lucy comes to the rescue after Milton's bowels stop moving. "Lucy Bags a Bargain" -- Lucy sells her Philips Milk of Magnesia Stock to John and Michelle Phillips in exchange for replacing Mama Cass. "Lucy In The Music World" -- Lucy negotiates a sponsorship deal between Ducolax and the hit TV series Hullaballoo. The latter is renamed Ducolax Presents: Helluva Poo. "Lucy & Bob Crane" -- Lucy discovers that her new boyfriend Bob Crane has an unusual fetish. "Lucy & Mickey Rooney" -- Lucy finds out that Mickey Rooney in and of himself is a natural stool softener. "Lucy Flies to London" -- Ducolax gives Lucy a one day trip to London as a reward for coming up with a company jingle. (Lucy In London interlude) "Lucy & Pat Collins" -- Lucy tries to sabotage some mod with a beehive who is treating bowel problems with hypnotherapy. "Lucy & The Return of Iron Stool" -- When Lucy discovers that Ducolax is no match for Pat Collins' new-age quackery in California, Mr. Mooney offers her a job at the bank. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C L A U D E Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 !!! A seasonal arc: "Lucy Drives a Dump Truck" -- Lucy gets a job as a door-to-door Ducolax salesman. "The Loophole in the Lease" -- Lucy threatens to raise Viv's rent after Sherman ODs on Ducolax and floods the upstairs bathroom. "Lucy & The Plumber" -- With the Carmichael & Bagley families reunited, Jack Benny comes over to assess the damage. "Lucy, The Bean Queen" -- A raucous fight of the Danfield Volunteers leads Audrey Simmons and Thelma Green to recommend beans as a Ducolax alternative to Danfield's high society. Lucy tries to corner the legume market. "Lucy & Viv Become Tycoons" -- After a short stint in hospital due to an intestinal blockage, Lucy and Viv give Grandma Sutton a basket of Ducolax-laced brownies and they are the hit of the Danfield Seniors' Centre. "Chris Goes Steady" -- Lucy and Viv try to help Chris become regular. "Lucy Becomes an Astronaut" -- The Ducolax corporation selects Lucy to test out the effects of Ducolax in zero gravity. "Lucy & Viv Play Softball" -- Lucy & Viv sponsor a local sports team to promote their product thinking stool SOFTeners and SOFTball are a natural fit. "Lucy Gets Locked in the Vault" -- Lucy and Mooney get locked in the bank vault and the only thing Lucy has to consume is a box of Ducolax. "Lucy & The Safe Cracker" -- Lucy hires a former safe cracker to get Mooney out of the vault before he has to use all that beaufiful money as toilet paper. "Lucy & The Bank Scandal" -- Lucy starts a rumour that Mooney is an embezzler as a revenge for investing her trust fund in Milk of Magnesia stock. "Lucy Is Her Own Lawyer" -- Lucy defends herself after Mooney sues her for defamation and aggravating his IBS. "Lucy's Contact Lenses" -- Vision impaired, Lucy accidently slips Grandma Sutton a brownie with kaopectate. "Lucy, the Stock Holder" -- Lucy discovers her Milk of Magnesia stock actually gives her some sway in the company. "Lucy Saves Milton Berle" -- Lucy comes to the rescue after Milton's bowels stop moving. "Lucy Bags a Bargain" -- Lucy sells her Philips Milk of Magnesia Stock to John and Michelle Phillips in exchange for replacing Mama Cass. "Lucy In The Music World" -- Lucy negotiates a sponsorship deal between Ducolax and the hit TV series Hullaballoo. The latter is renamed Ducolax Presents: Helluva Poo. "Lucy & Bob Crane" -- Lucy discovers that her new boyfriend Bob Crane has an unusual fetish. "Lucy & Mickey Rooney" -- Lucy finds out that Mickey Rooney in and of himself is a natural stool softener. "Lucy Flies to London" -- Ducolax gives Lucy a one day trip to London as a reward for coming up with a company jingle. (Lucy In London interlude) "Lucy & Pat Collins" -- Lucy tries to sabotage some mod with a beehive who is treating bowel problems with hypnotherapy. "Lucy & The Return of Iron Stool" -- When Lucy discovers that Ducolax is no match for Pat Collins' new-age quackery in California, Mr. Mooney offers her a job at the bank. LOL! you are a FRIGGIN R I O T ! Ok, now that's enough of this, go back to posting pics of the house on Roxbury, LOL! You can go back to these jokes AFTER i get my DVD, ok? LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONALISAISMONALUCY Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 "The Loophole in the Lease" -- Lucy threatens to raise Viv's rent after Sherman ODs on Ducolax and floods the upstairs bathroom. "Lucy & The Plumber" -- With the Carmichael & Bagley families reunited, Jack Benny comes over to assess the damage. "Lucy, The Bean Queen" -- A raucous fight of the Danfield Volunteers leads Audrey Simmons and Thelma Green to recommend beans as a Ducolax alternative to Danfield's high society. Lucy tries to corner the legume market. "Lucy & Viv Become Tycoons" -- After a short stint in hospital due to an intestinal blockage, Lucy and Viv give Grandma Sutton a basket of Ducolax-laced brownies and they are the hit of the Danfield Seniors' Centre. "Chris Goes Steady" -- Lucy and Viv try to help Chris become regular. "Lucy Becomes an Astronaut" -- The Ducolax corporation selects Lucy to test out the effects of Ducolax in zero gravity. "Lucy & Viv Play Softball" -- Lucy & Viv sponsor a local sports team to promote their product thinking stool SOFTeners and SOFTball are a natural fit. "Lucy Gets Locked in the Vault" -- Lucy and Mooney get locked in the bank vault and the only thing Lucy has to consume is a box of Ducolax. "Lucy & The Safe Cracker" -- Lucy hires a former safe cracker to get Mooney out of the vault before he has to use all that beaufiful money as toilet paper. "Lucy & The Bank Scandal" -- Lucy starts a rumour that Mooney is an embezzler as a revenge for investing her trust fund in Milk of Magnesia stock. "Lucy Is Her Own Lawyer" -- Lucy defends herself after Mooney sues her for defamation and aggravating his IBS. "Lucy's Contact Lenses" -- Vision impaired, Lucy accidently slips Grandma Sutton a brownie with kaopectate. "Lucy, the Stock Holder" -- Lucy discovers her Milk of Magnesia stock actually gives her some sway in the company. "Lucy Saves Milton Berle" -- Lucy comes to the rescue after Milton's bowels stop moving. "Lucy Bags a Bargain" -- Lucy sells her Philips Milk of Magnesia Stock to John and Michelle Phillips in exchange for replacing Mama Cass. "Lucy In The Music World" -- Lucy negotiates a sponsorship deal between Ducolax and the hit TV series Hullaballoo. The latter is renamed Ducolax Presents: Helluva Poo. "Lucy & Bob Crane" -- Lucy discovers that her new boyfriend Bob Crane has an unusual fetish. "Lucy & Mickey Rooney" -- Lucy finds out that Mickey Rooney in and of himself is a natural stool softener. "Lucy Flies to London" -- Ducolax gives Lucy a one day trip to London as a reward for coming up with a company jingle. (Lucy In London interlude) "Lucy & Pat Collins" -- Lucy tries to sabotage some mod with a beehive who is treating bowel problems with hypnotherapy. "Lucy & The Return of Iron Stool" -- When Lucy discovers that Ducolax is no match for Pat Collins' new-age quackery in California, Mr. Mooney offers her a job at the bank. Brock I love your avatar of Lucy giving Harry a pickaxe up his alley!!! LOL!!! Lucy giving instructions to Ethel: "Look, if Fred comes back, you tell him that the man came for the Duculax, and that Ricky has the Milk Of Magnesia downtown. If the man comes for the Duculax, you tell him that Fred has it out for one last farewell flush. If Ricky comes home you tell him the man came for the Duculax, and Fred took the Milk Of Magnesia downtown to have it cleaned out DUMPED (rewrite). Okay?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Brock I love your avatar of Lucy giving Harry a pickaxe up his alley!!! LOL!!! LOL! Thanks! "Look, if Fred comes back, you tell him that the man came for the Duculax, and that Ricky has the Milk Of Magnesia downtown. If the man comes for the Duculax, you tell him that Fred has it out for one last farewell flush. If Ricky comes home you tell him the man came for the Duculax, and Fred took the Milk Of Magnesia downtown to have it cleaned out. Okay?" ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 -----Brock I love your avatar of Lucy giving Harry a pickaxe up his alley!!! LOL!!!---- So do I.....and will add the caption: "Lucy implements 'Step 2' of the instructions on the Ducolax box". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Posted March 23, 2011 Report Share Posted March 23, 2011 Thanks! LOL Lucy & The Mexican Curse -- On a trip to Mexico, Lucy & Harry find the thing they need the least is Ducolax after drinking the hotel water. Lucy Sublets the Orifice -- Excess Ducolax consumption leads Lucy to have a colonoscopy. With Viv as a Friend, Who Needs A Ducolax? -- Lucy discovers that Viv brings out the best in her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeySanJoaquin Posted March 23, 2011 Report Share Posted March 23, 2011 Thanks! LOL With Viv as a Friend, Who Needs A Ducolax? -- Lucy discovers that Viv brings out the best in her. Groan! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2011 Thanks! LOL Lucy Sublets the Orifice -- Excess Ducolax consumption leads Lucy to have a colonoscopy. You'll have to 'flesh out' this plot for me. Not sure I get it! And that Joan Blondell is so SENSITIVE! She thought Lucy pulling the toilet chain after her speech was a comment on her acting when Lucy was just doing a lead in to the Ducolax commercial! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2011 Thanks! LOL Lucy Sublets the Orifice -- Excess Ducolax consumption leads Lucy to have a colonoscopy. You'll have to 'flesh out' this plot for me. Not sure I get it! And that Joan Blondell is so SENSITIVE! She thought Lucy pulling the toilet chain after her speech was a comment on her acting when Lucy was just doing a lead in to the Ducolax commercial! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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