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The Newer, More Improved SOCK IT TO ME Thread

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:lucy1: For fourteen years, Ricky's been trusting, devoted, understanding. And what have I been? Thoughtless, meddlesome, bungling, scheming, conniving...

:bill1: Irritating, headstrong, obnoxious....

:viv1: Fred!

:lucy1: It's all right, Ethel. Let him alone. He's right.

:viv1: As long as it's open season, how about petty, childish, stubborn, vain...

:lucy1: All right, let's not get carried away.

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*quack*

 

Lucy: What was that?

Bill King: That's Van Tassel.

Lucy: This will be my first Van Tassel of the season! :D *raises gun*

Bill: LUCY! THAT'S CHARLIE VAN TASSEL!

Lucy: Oh.

Bill: You wouldn't want to shoot ole' Charlie, he's out of season! :marionstrong:

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Lucy: I forgot that we're scheduled to go to the cricket matches this weekend.

Sir Clive: At this time of year? Cricket's out of season.

Lucy: Well, these are young crickets.

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Lucy: Monday is all part of the weekend. You know, "Saturday, Sunday, Monday". But Thursday is T"huuuuursday, Friiiiiiday, Saaaaturday." Thursday is miles from Saturday!

Carolyn: It is not!

Lucy: What time was Little Stevie born?

Carolyn: 12 noon.

Lucy: Ah-ha! Little Ricky was born at 11 in the morning, and 11 o'clock Monday is closer to 2 o'clock Saturday than 12 o'clock Thursday.

Carolyn: Now, wait! Stevie was born in California, so that is Pacific Standard Time --

Lucy: WELL! If you want to drag in all those phoney technicalities.

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:lucy2: I only have $1.67 to last me until Friday. I don't suppose you'd like to move payday from Friday to Tuesday?

:gale2: Not a chance. They can shove George Washington's Birthday anyplace they want to, but my payday stays Friday.

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:mred: (reading a fan letter) Dear Carol Burnett: I have never missed one of your shows, or your movies. I love everything you do. You're the funniest person alive and your show is the greatest. I have pictures of you all over my room. I even have a life-sized poster of you on my closet door. Every night before going to bed, I say, 'Goodnight, Carol. I love you.' When I wake up, you're the first person I say Good Morning to. I thought it would be nice if you had a picture of me too, so I am enclosing a snapshot of me in front of my house. There is a picture of a little girl here and on the back she writes, 'To my very favourite in the whole wide world, Lucille Ball.'

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:lucyhaha:

 

:lucy2: How old are you?

:mred:  I'd rather not. After all I am in show business and we movie actresses don't like to reveal our true age.

:lucy2: I thought you were just a secretary. I never knew you were an actress.

:mred: You know, Carol Krausemeyer isn't my professional name.

:lucy2: What is your professional name?

:mred: Raquel Welch. 

:lucyeww:

:mred:  :mellow:... So somebody let the air out.  

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:mred: (reading a fan letter) Dear Carol Burnett: I have never missed one of your shows, or your movies. I love everything you do. You're the funniest person alive and your show is the greatest. I have pictures of you all over my room. I even have a life-sized poster of you on my closet door. Every night before going to bed, I say, 'Goodnight, Carol. I love you.' When I wake up, you're the first person I say Good Morning to. I thought it would be nice if you had a picture of me too, so I am enclosing a snapshot of me in front of my house. There is a picture of a little girl here and on the back she writes, 'To my very favourite in the whole wide world, Lucille Ball.'

So sweet! What's this from??

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:lucy1: Do you know who that is?

:viv1: Who?

:lucy1: Gordon MacRae's wife.

:viv1: Oh, of course! I've seen dozens of pictures of her. She was an actress and she gave up her career to have a family.

:lucy1: Yes, just like me! :D

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Mrs. Gordon MacRae: We're having a fashion show for charity and the wives of the stars are going to model the gowns.

Mrs. Ricky Ricardo: Oh, how nice.

Mrs. MacRae: And one of the girls dropped out... 

Mrs. Ricardo: I'd love to.  :D

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Jamieson:  The people who bought tickets thought they were contributing to a reputable charity and therefore you have defrauded them. Fraud is a crime that is punishable by one to 10 years in the penitentiary.

Lucy: But, I'm going to Europe! I don't have time to spend one to 10 years in the penitentiary!

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:viv1: Raffles are always for such needy causes.

:lucy1: Ethel, at this moment you and I are two neediest causes I can think of.

:viv1: Is it honest?

:lucy1: It's 100% honest.

:lucy1: We say we're having a raffle. We sell tickets. Somebody who wins the ticket wins a television set. What can be more honest than that?

:viv1: I guess it is.

:lucy1: Now, all we have to do is think up a good phony name. 

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:lucy2: Mr. Mooney, you've got to lend me $100!

:gale1: Why?!

:viv2: We found a famous movie star living in an empty house. No furniture. Nothing to eat.

:lucy2: She's starving and I want the money to buy her some food.

:gale1: A likely story.

:viv2: It's the truth. You'll never believe this, but the star is Joan Crawford.

:gale1: Joan Crawford?!

:viv2: Mildred Pierce!

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:lucy2: Joan Crawford donated this to a church raffle and I won it! Miss Crawford wore this in Mildred Pierce! :D

:desijr: From the looks of those shoulder pads she could have worn it in The Spirit of Notre Dame.

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:bill1: $16 shoes aren't supposed to hurt.

:viv1: You don't buy $16 shoes for comfort; you buy 'em for looks!

:bill1: Then you ought to walk on your hands so people can see your feet!

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:bill1: $16 shoes aren't supposed to hurt.

:viv1: You don't buy $16 shoes for comfort; you buy 'em for looks!

:bill1: Then you ought to walk on your hands so people can see your feet!

Caroline: I just hope that little glutton of yours hasn't taught my Stevie any bad habits.

Lucy: That goes double!

Caroline: My little Stevie does't have any bad habits.

Lucy: I hope he doesn't copy any of his good habits like scratching himself or peeling bananas with his feet.

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:lucy1: I happen to know he needs money desperately and any man who's as scared as his wife as he is will do anything.

:desi1: You're being ridiculous.

:lucy1: I am not! I haven't trusted him since I saw him in Double Indemnity!

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:lucy1: Ethel, you tell me or I'll tell Fred you've been saving out of the food money to buy yourself that monkey fur jacket. I'll tell him you've been sewing roast beef bones on a chuck roast.

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Mary Jane: We could come up with songs that talk about what working with Mr. Mooney is really like! :D

Lucy: ... How about Plenty of Nothin'? :P

Mary Jane: I mean songs that are complimentary.

Lucy: Like what?

Mary Jane: Well, how about, "Who's wonderful? Who's marvelous? Mr. Mooneeeey!" :D

Lucy: That's cute! I'll write that down.

Mary Jane: And, "Whennnn the Mooney comes over the mountain..."

Lucy: Very good! How about, "Mooooo-ney! How I love you! How I love you! My dear boss Mooney!"?

Mary Jane: "I'm in love with Misssssssssss-ter Mooooneyyy..."

Lucy: We might be able to use that, yeah. :P "Mooooooooooney and roses..."

Mary Jane: Yes! And, "Mooo-o-o-o-o-ney Riv-v-v-v-v-er-r-r!"

Lucy: You know, you have a nice voice!

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Flip Wilson: Wait a minute, who are you? You're not Rock Hudson and there's no way you could be me. Sing something.

Lucy: Moon river...

Flip: You're definitely not Andy Williams.

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